Partypolooza!

I have been AWOL. I know.  Hey!  I've a little busy.  (Said with my best New Jersey accent - which isn't that good.  In fact it sounds a lot like my Howard Cosell.)

Anyway.  I have been getting farther and farther from blogging as I feel worse and worse about not blogging.  I figured the best way to make a comeback was to just write something.  Anything.
Here goes.

August saw three different birthday celebrations at our house.

Shaye Baby turned two.  How is it possible she is two?  It goes so fast, yet at the same time I can hardly remember our family without her antics.

We had a small celebratory after lunch party.  The good thing about having Sweet Aunt live a block over is that once her and her four boys show up it is an instant party! 
I made a lemon cake from scratch that called for about five cups of sugar.....in just the frosting. (Talk about a party.)

Shaye had several presents, but only one gift bag.  When she turned to exclaim over one of her treasures I just snuck the next gift into the bag.  Genius.

Tell me please how two year old girls know they love a hat and a purse?

Next it was Tanner's turn.
The BIG 13.  I can't imagine how he got this old!

His birthday is actually in July, but with the cruise and all it kept getting pushed back.  It was his year for a real party though, so party we did.  He chose a go cart party.  Great fun was had by all.
Just in case you didn't believe me - here are the pics. 

 Sweet Aunt and Cade

 The Coach and Tayte

My Best Peep Pree and her girly.






The Birthday Boy himself.

                                                                             Speedy Saige

And of course no party is complete unless one of your "grown" ass brothers gets kicked off the go cart track.........I'll let you guess who got kicked off - Guns or Uncle Bachelor.

And last but not least the sweetest three year old on the planet turned into the sweetest four year old.  (My blog, my opinion!)

He is pretty excited.  He wore that crown all week.  I think it had finally met its demise though.

 You might be wondering why we are having a donut party at 8 am in the park.  I'll tell you. Tayte was dying to have a party in the park.  The forecast for the day we planned to have his party was 108.  We decided there was NO WAY we were going to go into the scorching heat to grill.  So...we bought up a couple dozen donuts, stuck some candles in one and ta da........Party!!

Again if you don't believe me....here's a pic.  See?  Invite Sweet Aunt and Sweet Uncle and their sweet boys, throw in one Gramma and one babysitter and instant party.

 Just for the record Shaye totally approved of the donut theme.

So... not even counting my trip to Vermont, and school starting back up....thing have been hopping around here.  And I am infinitely grateful to be celebrating another year with each one of these kiddos.

I hope to stretch this streak into two by writing about the National Championships tomorrow.  I hope you will drop by!!

Bittersweet Relief

Summer is over.
I am going back to work.
Probably it is just the nick of time.

I have run out of time killers.

Remember when back in the 80's tv writers went on strike.  That was about the time I first discovered David Letterman.  It was also about the time my parents, my brother and I took a roundabout driving vacation to visit some family friends in Ohio. 
During the day my brother and I would sleep in the minivan and ignore my parents as they pointed out hand powered corn gins and quilt shop after quilt shop.  Early on in the vacation my idiot brother kept count of how many different state license plates he saw.  Out loud.
By the time we got to the hotel every night Uncle Bachelor and I were wide awake.  We would take a swim in the hotel pool and then get ready for bed and watch Letterman.  By that time I was pretty delerious from the drive and Uncle Bachelor was delirious from the sheer fact that he was still alive after being forced by my dad to be my "victim" so I could practice my life saving skills.  (Hey!  The hair carry is a legitimate life saving technique.  And my dad thought it was funny.) 
Letterman would come on and Uncle Bachelor and I laughed our heads off.  Partly because Letterman was funny and partly because my dad would sit on the bed and say repeatedly, "That guy is NOT funny.  He thinks he is funny, but no one else does.  He's stupid!"
Anyway, during the writer strike they would do Network Time Killers.  Obviously to kill time on the show.  My favorite was What is Hal Gurney Wearing?  Every night he was wearing the same thing - tan chinos, blue oxford and so on.  Hilarious.  My dad thought otherwise.

Back to the summer.
I am out of time killers.
Indoors during the heat of the day we have done markers, play doh, cartoons, cleaning, blocks, wrestling.
Outside we have eaten popsicles, rode bikes, gone to the park, chased squirels, sidewalk chalked, watered plants.
We have walked the mall, shopped at the toy store.  We have blown bubbles, visited Gramma and picked The Coach's vegetables.
Saigie and I even laid in bed one afternoon and ate a whole package of cookies.

I am tapped out.  I am out of entertaining ideas.
I will miss the "lazy" days of heading to the park and cuddling babies after nap, but.........
It is time for me to go back to work.  The babies are headed to day care for the first time in their lives.  (They previously had a sitter.  She moved.)

I am going now to answer a hundred questions a day from different teenagers instead of just Tayte.  I am going to refuse to clean up after them instead of following them around with towels.  I am going to put on heels, make up, and even a bra.

It will be a nice change of pace.   Until about Thanksgiving.  Then I will be ready to be home again.

Any big changes coming your way?

Week One!

I thought this summer I would work on my blog and really write enjoyable stories about my family and capture pictures to fulfill the scrapbook part of this blog.

Ha!

Instead I have been reduced to doing what I am doing right now, hiding out silently in the study while dinner burns so no one will realize I am doing something for myself.  If they realize it all hell will break loose.  Someone will hurt themselves.  Someone else will spill something and inevitably someone will need the computer urgently.
So be very quiet while I quickly fill you in on our week.

Tayte rode a horse and got a trophy at his soccer party!!

We have eaten multiple Popsicles on the front porch.  Yes.  Popsicles must be eaten in the partially nude.  That's the rule.

I promise I really do put clothes on Shaye Baby in the summer.

Saige is lucky to have a little brother and sister so she can enjoy "baby" things under the guise of helping them!

We found this water park to walk to Wednesday night while Ty and Tanner are at church.  It took Tayte  a while to get get brave, but they finally did.  Tayte was so cute explaining this to Ty.  He told him, "Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me."



And finally we have been enjoying the first fruits of The Coach's vegetable garden.  He has planted zucchini, beans, tomatoes, peppers, onions and lettuce.  So far just the tomatoes have been ready.

So we accomplished some goals.  I took pictures.  (It looks like it may be the last week for that since someone - Shaye Baby - stole the SIM card from the computer and hid it somewhere.  I think her goals this summer is to drive me insane.)  We went to parks and we relaxed.  I read two books and I am in the middle of two.
I think we have reached our nutritional goals and our Forced Family Fun goals.

My totals for the week were.
Run: 19.55 miles
Bike: 59.57 miles
Swim: 4200 meters
weights: 1x

I did not meet the yoga goals with the football and volleyball workouts the kids had.  Maybe this week!!

Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me.
Just kidding of course.

I am fixna to pour a glass of wine now and try to catch up with some of y'all!!

Is it summer for you?  How is it going? OR How much longer do you have to wait?
What is your favorite local word?  Mine is "fixna".

Ty Fartleks

Fartleks. 
The good news is track workouts are no longer my most hated tri workout.
Guess what is?

My first experience with fartleks was awful from the moment I got lost, confused and frustrated trying to find my team in Memorial Park until I gave up running and stumbled cramping and sweating back to my truck for a smoke.  (Kidding.  I don't smoke.)  I think the whole experience was payback for the times The Coach and I would ride through Memorial Park before church looking at runners while we were eating donuts.

After the first attempt at fartleks I came to the obvious conclusion - Misery LOVES company.

I informed my son, Ty, the next day that he would be attending fartlek training with me next time.
He informed ME that he likes to run in the neighborhood so if necessary he can stop in for a brownie.

A little while later he came to me and we had the following conversation:
Ty:  So hypothetically if I went to run with you at Memorial Park, how long is the park?
Me: The park is quite large.  We would just run a portion of it which is a  three mile loop.

Ty: Who in the hell made such a long loop?  That's stupid.
Me: Ty, I was planning on running it twice.

Ty: I may go with you and run it once, but while you are running around it the second time I am going to sit and eat a cheeseburger.
Me: Yeah.  Try that in the park with thousands of hungry runners.

Fast forward two weeks - during this two weeks please imagine many failed workouts.  These failures span anywhere from not starting the workout to giving up on a five mile run after two pit stops at 4:30 am. Also throw in there some nutritional difficulty that left me wanting to eat my own arm about 3:30 every afternoon, but instead resorting to Taco Bell.

I had given Ty a choice: he could either go with me to run fartleks or he could stay at home to babysit and The Coach would go with me.  (Little did he know The Coach had already refused.)
Ty decided reluctantly to come along, but he did complain about his legs, sore from football weight lifting.
(Also there was a slight discomfort which apparently occurred when he applied Icy-Hot to his upper thighs in too close of proximity to his "parts".  For reasons that are not clear he has been begging me to blog about this ever since.  I guess he didn't want Tanner's "ball sacky" hands to get all the attention.)

I told him jogging would help loosen up his sore legs.
His reply, "My coach says that too, but I don't think the claim is backed by science.  I think it is just something people say to fat kids to make them run."

He promptly fell asleep on the recliner.  He never does this so I took pity on him and decided to leave him.   When I got ready to leave I couldn't find my keys, so I had to wake him up as he drove the car last. (I know.  It keeps me up at night too.)

I was already running late so of course he decided he wanted to go.
He got a shirt out of the dryer which is where he has been getting all his clothes for the past two days.  At some point I am going to have to point to him a dryer is for DRYING and a dresser is for storing.

I got lost again, but we finally found my team.
The plan was to run a mile warm up and then alternating hard/easy quarters miles for the next five miles. Ty's plan was to run the warm up with me then wave goodbye.

It was awful.  Apparently the gods really frown upon eating of donuts in front of hungry runners.  It was 96 degrees at 6:30p.m..  I cramped up immediately. I tried to just keep on going.  During the "easy" quarters my heart rate wouldn't slow down.  I finally just started walking/running.  When I finished the first loop I ran in the opposite direction to find Ty.  I didn't really have any worries that my man sized son had been kidnapped, but I was shocked that he hadn't made it any further.  When I finally found him I started walking with him.  Within two minutes he said, "I just don't understand why we have to walk so fast!" 
We were walking a 14:30 mile.
We met back up with the team and I informed Ty it had taken him one hour to jog/walk three miles.  I knew that was pathetic even for him because he can run a nine minute mile.  He informed me that for twenty minutes he had been in the "porta shitter" and he had "destroyed" it.  I let him know how much the running community probably appreciated him.

Overall fartleks still suck.
But the company did make it more enjoyable. 
Ty was quite impressed with the other, faster, runners on the team.  Overall I think it was a good experience for him. And he got a McFlurry for his trouble.  (What can I say?  The kid has some persuasive dimples.)

What is your most unfavorite type of training?  Would company help?
Any other suggestions on making it more enjoyable?
Also do you think I could blame my crappy performance on giving blood that day??
Or am I just crappy?

The Grocery Store Ruined My Day

The day started off just fine.  It was the last Monday of the school year.  A rest day so I got to sleep clear until 5:30 am instead of working out before the crack of dawn.  The kids got into the car without fuss.   I had all the required flavors of Pop Tarts.  Things were looking good for a Monday morning.
After work I headed to the grocery store to do the grocery shopping.   An hour later I parked my cart behind two others at the check out.  No problems.  I appreciated the rare joy of shopping alone without Shaye cussing out strangers and Tayte asking repeatedly for gum.  The manager waved me over to an empty lane and my day took in instant downward spiral into a stress induced race against the clock.
I was in check out purgatory.  The lady ringing me up said she hadn't checked in twenty years.  It kinda showed.  I smiled patiently as she tried six different numbers for my red onion.  There was really no point in rushing her since Methuselah was sacking the groceries and he was in no hurry.  I snatched the dog food, milk, and some other items off the belt and threw them in the cart unbagged to speed up the process.  I felt sorry for my now rushed self, but not as sorry as I felt for the lady who got in line behind me with only six cases of Coke.  Finally I escaped.  Thank goodness Methuselah didn't insist on helping me out with my bags.  I began to cart my now melting ice cream out to the car.

On the way to the car a nice lady alerted me that I had dropped my industrial size package of toilet paper.  I had to abandon my cart and go back for that.
Once in the car I started reviewing my receipt.  My grocery budget was off by about forty bucks!  I found only one problem.  I was charged for a 9.00 book of stamps I didn't buy.   I trudged back in and got the whole nine bucks back!

I made the rounds to pick up the babies, and Ty.  For some reason this child still can't seem to figure out how to get a ride from the parental unit WHO WORKS AT THE SAME SCHOOL HE ATTENDS.

As soon as I drove up to the house. The Coach left to do some (made up) coaching responsibility.  I tried to put the groceries up, but Ty and Tanner eat them as fast I can empty the bags.  The babies themselves went through a Popsicle an fruit snack pouch each.  I found as I was unloading that Methuselah had tied a tight, tight knot in each and every grocery sack.  I guess he could read my mind and that was payback for my mental grumbling.
I got the groceries put up.
The band uniform ironed.
I complimented Saigie's new Bible. (Sweet Aunt bought it for her because she accepted Christ last week.)
I loaded all the kids back into the car to take to art class and band concert.
Right when we got to the point of no return where the next highway exit is far far away Tanner realized he didn't actually have his horn.  For a band concert.
Turned around.
Headed out again.
Finally dropped Saige off at art. Ten minutes late.
At this point both Tayte and Shaye started screaming incessantly in the back seat.
Ty flipped through annoying songs on his ipod/car radio.
I found the place to drop Tanner off . Fifteen minutes late.
With a deep sigh I headed home.
My phone rang.
It was the receptionist at the art class.
She needed to inform me there wasn't actually art class today. 
I turned around.
I blame Methuselah.

I did make it home and I did cook dinner.
I also realized I forgot corn.  I guess it is back to the store today as it is an essential ingredient in corn chowder. I will try to avoid Methuselah and his wife. 
:)

What is your least favorite thing about grocery shopping?

Wrestling, Biting, and Innocent Baptists

It never ceases to amaze me how I can pile embarrassment upon embarrassment on myself until it threatens to topple over into a humiliating heap.

My Sister in Law and her husband both work at a Baptist Church here in town.  They are very sweet and live a sweet, non-embarrassing life.  They have four boys in elementary school.  The Cousins are great fun and a constant source of companionship to Tanner.  I went over the other day to clarify a text message from Sweet Aunt. (I have revived the toilet diving phone, but I can only see half the screen.) Sweet Aunt wasn't home, but Kind Uncle was. Tanner was already there (he seems to think they have taken him to raise.)  The Cousins and he were taking turns wrestling under the officiating eye of Kind Uncle.  His parents, ministers of a small Baptist Church in Kansas, were looking on with the proper amount of slight, tame interest.

I however was getting very excited.  It looked like great fun.

 I vaguely remembered having been asked (told) by The Coach to refrain from wrestling and rough housing with the boys.  He claims they are going to hurt me.  (As if...........)  I usually remember this request.  The last time I roughhoused with Ty he said, "Stop!  I am going to accidentally hurt you and then I am going to get in trouble."  So I usually remember to avoid wrestling, fighting, and so forth if not out of a sense of self-preservation, or out of  respect for The Coach's suggestions (demands) at least in an attempt to keep the boys out of trouble.

I wish this had been the case this time.

I yelled out, " I challenge Tanner!"  Because from what I had seen that seemed to be the proper protocol. Everyone laughed and I probably should have stopped right there.  Instead I actually went on to wrestle Tanner.  At least he does not weigh double what I weight like Ty does.  His twelve year old self weighs about fifteen pounds less than me which  I thought would work in my favor.  I conveniently forgot about the fact the child has wrestling practice four nights a week and spends a considerable amount of weekends at wrestling tournaments.  He knows actual wrestling moves.

We took our places.  He quickly twisted me up into a pretzel and I saw my triathlon career flash before my eyes.  I  did what any mature mom would do.  I bit him.  Apparently this is against the wrestling rules.  Everyone laughed while we continued to scuffle.

Then.

A hush fell over my four innocent nephews, my brother in law and his very proper, quiet, sheltered parents. After a sufficient amount of awkward silence I realized this episode had reached its full entertainment potential.   So I quit.   I waved a good bye to everyone and headed out to the car.

On the way out I commented to Ty I thought I had done pretty well, biting aside.
My oldest child replied, "You were doing a good job right up until your boob fell out of your shirt."
I was mortified.  I looked down and sure enough my vest was all bunched up and my bright purple bra was clearly visible.
I asked him why he hadn't SAID something.
He asked, "What did you want me to say?  Hey mom, we can all see your boob?"
YES!
That would have been helpful.
I asked him if anyone saw.
He thought for a second and said, "Kind Uncle gasped, 'Oh no!' and then he turned and looked away.  So I am thinking he did see."

(Imagine it like this.  Except for with partial nudity.)  ( I would be the one getting pummeled.)

Grrrrrr.
The worst part of this was that later I had to explain the huge bloody rug burn on my elbow to The Coach.  He just stared at me and said, "Didn't I ask you NOT to wrestle with the boys?"  Yes.

In  my defense though, he never asked that I not expose myself to all the Baptist ministers and young boys in the family in one fell swoop.

I blame Sweet Aunt.  Had she been there this would have never happened.

What is your latest/most embarrassing moment?

Terrible Mom Confessions #84

I don't care about grades.
There I said it.  I really don't. 
It is easy to say that since my kids do decently at school.  It is also easy to say that since The Coach cares monumentally about grades.  (That way I don't have to.)

The more scandalous part of this is that I don't help my kids with homework.  I am a slacker.

Even though I am trying to put a humorous spin on this.  I really do feel bad sometimes.  Don't feel sorry for me though, because I haven't started doing anything differently.

I do better with the older kids.  I have been a secondary level educator for seventeen years now.  I can look at their grades online and generally figure out if they have "got it" or not. I can nag them.

As for Saige.  I do not help her.  She comes in and sits down and does her own homework.  Thank God! Her grades are not stellar.  She is struggling in math.  I could or could not tell you what they are supposed to be learning on any given day.
I don't want to help with homework and here is why.
I think it is stupid.
I don't want to.
I am not blaming the teachers.
I am blaming, "they".

My daughter gets home at 4:00 pm from school.  "They" want her to sit and do another hour of work?  "They" have already cut her recess to fifteen minutes a day and "They" have limited PE to every other day in elementary school. 
Admittedly my daughter is not the fastest homework doer of the world.  She is distracted by things like: screaming siblings, cookies (We ARE related you know.) and air.  (Again, we ARE related.)

I just think her time could be better spent learning to fold laundry or watching the babies so I can take a nap
riding her bike, playing castle at the park with friends, and texting.  (Not really.)

In my mind I know this homework is intended to reinforce lessons learned at school.  I also know the teachers only have a limited amount of time to get a wide variety of curriculum requirements taught.  I only have a limited time at home to teach her other lessons like the joy of walking in the sunny outdoors, how to make cookies.
No.  Everyday at our house is not sunshine and cookies.  I would like there to be the potential though and that potential arises when there is no homework!!  (Mainly though if "they" didn't require homework I would feel much much less like a slacker mom.)

(I wrote this a while back and yesterday I read an excerpt from Tiger Mom.  Now I am thinking I am helping contribute to the Decline of the American Society.   I have decided to balance my lackadaisical attitude out by calling her "Garbage" every once in a while and refusing to let her be in a play.)


Is there an area of parenting you would just rather not deal with?

For the Cycle

In baseball hitting for the cycle means a player hit a single, double, triple and home run in the same games.  It is a rare feat to be celebrated.

I don't exactly know what hitting for the cycle would be in motherhood and I don't know that the following experience should be celebrated, but after repeated fails the other day I just kept having the thought that I should give up and go to bed because I had in fact, hit for the cycle.

1. Drench.  I came running in from the garage after picking up four kids.  (God bless that ONE kid who manages to ride the bus home on Tuesdays.)  I had to go to the bathroom SO BAD.  I had my phone the waistband of my skirt and I was carrying Shaye.  I bent over to put the seat down (three sons) and my phone fell into the toilet.  I fished it out while still holding Shaye and still doing the pee pee dance.  Then I called Ty to come get the phone from me to take it apart an dry it out.  He said, "I am not coming in there while you are pee-ing."  Really?  It doesn't seem to have been a problem at any other time in his life.
(He did take apart the phone and then he covered the soaking wet thing with about eleven grains of rice.  Thanks Ty.)

2. Dig.  Shaye's nose has been really stuffy/runny lately.  I saw some disgusting matter in there and went after it with a tissue.  That didn't work.  She couldn't blow it out so I looked for the baby snot snucker.  I found the leftovers from when the dog had recently eaten it as a snack.  I attacked the offending nose matter with a Q-tip and realized it was too firm to be mucous related.  I decided to take one stab at it with the tweezers before I resigned to the ER.  I was figuring Shaye Baby must have got some tissue embedded in there.  Instead a pulled out a tennis shoe to a Polly Pocket.  Apparently she decided at the sitter's her nasal cavity would be a good place to shove a toy she is not allowed to play with. 

3.  Dump.  About that time my nice neighbor/coworker came over to discuss impending layoffs at our school.  She was sitting at a bar stool observing my domestic goddess prowess.   I picked up the pepper box with my good hand.  (Shaye was occupying the other arm.) and dumped half a box of pepper on the chicken breast I was preparing. Luckily that was easily fixed.

(About this time The Coach showed up unexpectedly.  He had a game and I thought he would be headed to it.  Obviously I didn't get the phone call that he needed to swing by because my damp phone was chilling out in a big bowl with eleven of its ricest friends.)

4.  Drop.  Finally I was rummaging through the freezer for some food item when I took out a frozen t.v. dinner.  Apparently some child had previously opened the dinner, peeled back the plastic then decided he didn't want it.  Frozen corn and chicken went everywhere. I called for Ty who was sweeping the dining room to come sweep the kitchen and then I wrestled corn kernels from Shaye before she could insert them into her nose.

I feel like I pretty much covered everything a domestic hero should in one day.  I guess I will break into my home run trot now and go sign some autographs!

I haven't hopped for a while so I thought I would.  If you are vising from the hops please let me know so I can return the favor.  (And don't expect me to ever do better for this, I mean I did hit for the cycle after all!)

Towels Don't Walk, Judges Don't Judge

Today I have two completely unrelated thoughts.  I tried to find some way to mesh them together with no luck.  So try to keep up with the ADD girl today.  (Look!  A butterfly!  What was I saying?)

1. I thought this was a great organizational idea.  Each kid has an assigned color of towel.  When they are clean I set them on the stairs thinking the kids will pick em up and take them to the bathroom. 

No. 

Instead they will step over them repeatedly on the way to their rooms. 

One would think the lack of towel when they get out of the shower would be motivating, but no. They really don't mind streaking to their room and once there trying to struggle into clothes while they are sopping wet. 

Which leads me to another questions.

If that is the case.....how do the towels even GET dirty? 

I am not sure I want to know.

2. I started this season really enjoying American Idol.  It was nice to have less sarcasm and hatefulness. BUT now I am tired of judges who are just really cheerleaders.  All of the contestants do not sing beautifully.  They are not all wonderful and they are not all going to have concert tours and albums. It would be nice to hear some constructive criticism, Dog.

Can you relate to either of these topics?  

I'll vote for the contestant who will come put these towels away?

Crisis Averted

I got up the other morning at 5:30.  I am tapering so I got to sleep late.
I showered and dressed and walked into the living room at 5:50.  I thought I would finally get to school early enough to get some work done.
Ty was sitting in the living room dressed which is odd since he is usually the last one to roll unwillingly out of bed on a weekday. He couldn't sleep.  He requested I take him to school so he could lift.  I knew it would add ten minutes to my drive, but I agreed.

I went to wake up Tayte and realized he had wet the bed.  No biggie.  He is only three.  But discussing a shower and cleaning him up took another ten minutes. 
Then I had to cart his whiny self (he gets upset when he wets the bed) back upstairs to wake up Tanner, Saige, and Shaye.  I got Shaye dressed.

By that time I was running behind.  I had a quiz over Allied v. Japanese strategy in the Pacific to write.

The Coach was still in bed peacefully snoozing away.  I could feel my eyes narrow and I cold hear my breathe getting huffy.  I wanted to snatch the pillow out from under his head and smack him with it. Repeatedly. 
Then I realized he didn't know what was going on. He was peacefully unaware of the blips in that morning's schedule.
He woke up and leisurely walked to the closet to get dressed.

I caught myself thinking, "Must be nice to only have to get YOURSELF dressed."  I put the kids in the car and walked back in to say goodbye.  Snarky comments were flashing in my brain.

My more practical self finally won the internal struggle. 

I walked up to him and said, "Could you please start waking up five to ten minutes earlier so I could have some help with the children."

His reply, "Sure baby.  I'll do whatever you need.  You know all you have to do is ask."

Crisis Averted.

I sometimes forget he can't read my mind.  I sometimes forget that he is HORRIBLE at processing hints and/or body language.  I sometimes forget that he will do whatever I ask him to do. 
This has caused fights in the past as I feel taken for granted while I am silently struggling to do something on my own.

This morning however a fight was avoided. 

What keys have you learned to insure a harmonious relationship?

I Was Thinking.......................

I appear to be highly organized.
I plan my outfits for the entire week.

I plan my weekly menu and grocery shopping every Sunday with the Grocery Game.

This is an example of the itinerary I send The Coach every Monday. 

Monday – salmon patties
Off
bank
groceries
5:45 – Saige art
6:00 - Ty Student Venture


Tuesday – bbq chicken
Am bike
After school swim
Carpool
4:30 get Saige
5:00 drop B and B
5:30 drop C and C

Wednesday – meatloaf and mashed potatoes
After school run
3:40 get Tanner from sectionals
4:00 get saige
Ty - track meet THS

Thursday -
Am bike
After school swim.
Ty – track meet
4:30 get saige
4:30 – Preeti and I are planning to take all kids to your game.
Kids to BG

Friday- beans
after school swim
After school run

Saturday – steak and shake
Am run
Am swim
Pick up your mom from airport

Sunday –
Am ride
Leave for spring break.

It appears that I am very organized, but really the only reason is that I do not trust myself to remember everything any other way. For instance, Today I did not check the itinerary I stayed at school grading papers and then went running.  Until Sweet Aunt called me and asked where I was.  I was supposed to pick up Saige - as I am supposed to do every Wednesday.

 Yesterday during the fifteen minute drive to the sitter's at 6:00 am Tayte asked me 26 questions.  I hadn't even had my coffee yet.

Here is a sampling of the questions Tayte will ask me at any given time.
* Are we going to the Monster Truck Jam today?
* Why isn't the sun up?
* Do you have breasts?
* Can I see your breasts?  (Yes.  It starts early.)
*  When will it be Christmas?
* What is this song about?
* Are we going to Monster Truck Jam today?
* Why does the dog have hair?
* Where is Gramma?
*  Are we going to the Monster Truck Jam tonight?

Maybe you are wondering how this relates.  Stay with me.

Those are just Tayte's questions.  Here are the other three talking kids' questions.
*What's for dinner?
*Can I go watch the volleyball game?
*What's for dinner?
*Can I drive?
*Will you take me to Academy?
*What's for dinner?
*Will you drive me around with the lawn mower so I can mow lawns to raise money for the American Cancer Society??????????????
*What's for dinner?

Here are some from my students.
*What is Hitler's last name?
*Where exactly is Oklahoma?
*Is all the stuff you teach us true?
*Does spelling count?

I can't remember the last complete thought I had uninterrupted by a question. I could maybe think of an idea for world peace if I could just think.  (Or I could remember where I left my Garmin.)

 Lately I have been getting ridiculed for things like forgetting to pick up my kids, leaving the garage door wide open when I leave the house, leaving my phone at home, losing track of time while I am running.................

Is this fair?  These thousands of questions are enough to drive me to distraction.  Is scatterbrained an accurate label for me, or would it be more fair to say I am ...................over questioned?

Have you forgotten anything important lately....like picking up your kids??
Got any better organizational ideas?

Air

I'll be coming up for some soon.
All of the time zapping variables in my life have decided to come into play at the same time.

It is baseball season, so I spend a lot of time as the only parent at home.  No biggie.  It's just the way it is.  Some people have to do it that way all the time so I am certainly trying not to complain.   I even already attended a baseball game.  (Ok.  I attended three innings of a game.  The kid pitching was the slowest working pitcher I have ever seen.  Plus it was cute to hear Shaye Baby yell, "Daaaaaa" every time she saw someone in a baseball uniform, but only for the first inning.)  The Coach was looking very nice in his baseball pants.

Second, it is triathlon season.  The first Olympic distance race is April 2. I hired a coach and he has been trying to kill me ever since.  In the last 24 hours I have done the following: a speedy swim workout, a track workout, (Then I decided I should write my will before the next track workout.) and a hard bike/easy run brick. 

And finally - the weather has been very nice, so we have had to go out in it.  We have been to the park several times.  Woo hoo.  I am so glad it warmed up.  I would post pictures, but I do not feel that is fair to any readers who are still trying to dig out of snow.

There are things I would like to blog about, but I am sore clear to my fingertips and by the time I get the babies to bed I am ready to pass out on the couch. 
My students don't know if they should be ticked I haven't graded their essays yet, or relieved I didn't drool on their papers.

**Just in case my lack of blogging has left you directionless.  HA!!  I am directing you to a sweet blogger who can be counted on to write cute stories about her husband, neices/nephews, and life in general.  Go check her out and tell her, "Heather from Texas sent y'all!"

Manic Monday

My ex-husband is good about having the kids when he is scheduled to have them.  He is decent at picking up and dropping off from sporting events, band, church group and so on.  He is terrible about taking the kids to doctor/dentist appointments.
It just so happens things have been crazy at his work and he has had to cancel a weekend and some weeknights.  Because he hadn't seen them in a while he ended up asking for them Monday night.  I asked him if he was going to be on time to take Tanner to wrestling.  He said yes.
I that point I laughed an evil laugh chuckled sympathetically and said, "Oh good.  Before you drop Tanner off at wrestling you need to take Saigie to art class, then drop Tanner off.  Then you have to go pick Ty up from driver's ed and take him to church group.  By the time you do that it will be time to pick Saigie up from art class.  Then go back and get Ty and then finally pick Tanner up by 8:00.  And somewhere in there feed them. "

In his defense he did attempt to do all of it without complaint. 
BUT he did not manage to get Ty to church group.  It isn't the end of the world. 
I don't have to do this particular set of activities every night, but I do hope it gives him a memorable taste of what I am talking about times I say I haven't seen much of the kids.

What is your busiest day?  Any helpful hints?

Live Laugh Love

I read in an article the other day that people should strive to be more like pre-schoolers in the area of laughter.  They claim pre-schoolers laugh out loud over thirty times a day and adults only around eight.  I am suspicious of this data.
1.  I do not think the 10 times a day my three year says "poop" for no reason and then rolls on the floor laughing hysterically should count towards his total.

2.  They must not have counting the laughter of adults with children, because how can you not laugh at the things they do.
* Shaye constantly digs my nice undies out of the clean laundry and drapes them around her neck.  You can tell she thinks she is hot by the way she struts around the house.
*  Saige thinks the sole purpose of the TxDOT sign on the freeway by our house is to alert the city of missing elderly.  She calls it "the elderly sign". (Why DO the elderly around here have such a problem staying put?  Where are they headed.  Is there some BINGO game around here I am unaware of?)
*Tayte told me he was going to grow a moustache like Dad, Grampa, and Papa.  His reasoning - "To keep the snot in."

3. I laugh out loud more than eight times a day and I can't be the only one with a low entertainment threshold.  Here is something else that made me laugh this week.  I got an award from Hydrant Girl.  (Thanks, Girl!)

I think she has been stalking me.  How else would she know that I always clash with my bike, I have six pack abs and I am constantly showing off the crust from my nose ring?  (She swears those lines are abs and not sagging boobs!  I believe her because I don't have six boobs...at least I didn't last time I checked.) (Ok..she also says I am holding a #1 finger, not displaying crust.)

**What has gotten you laughing lately?  Share it with us so we can be more like pre-schoolers today!

Preparation is Key

Over at RuntotheFinish, runner, Amanda, reminded me the other day that, "Hope is not a Strategy."  With this in mind I set off to finish my half marathon preparation.  I have never participated in a half marathon before so I figured I would write down what I did this week so I can later look back at it and assess whether or not it was a  solid preparation routine.

1.  Follow a training plan to the letter for eleven weeks and THEN the week before the race don't finish a single run.  That method truly builds confidence.  Nothing says, "winner" like running 1 mile of a 12 mile training run and then going home to eat a cupcake. 

2. Which brings me to my next strategy.  Eat double the amount of junk food usually consumed in a week.  (Hey.  These are not tips  from Hal Higdon...stick with me, Baby.) Guacamole?  No problem.  Chocolate Pop-Tarts?  Bring 'em on.

3. And finally be sure to get close to no sleep at all the week before the race.  Preferably because little kids have you running upstairs two or three times a night to put them back to sleep and administer Tylenol.  (I hope it was Tylenol.  I was pretty groggy.) If that doesn't work - stay up late blogging or harassing your spouse so they can't sleep either.  Whatever works.

4. And finally....even though it is certainly going to be regrettable.  Buy new shoes two days before the race instead of a couple weeks before.  Genius.

Self-sabotage much?
The Coach keeps telling me I will be fine.  His theory being that if I can run eleven miles I can run thirteen.  I'll let you know how that theory holds up on Monday.

What are you up to this weekend?

A Mid-Summer Day's Panic

When Saige was little she got frequent UTIs.  All of those infections culminated in several tests.  She had to have a sonogram and some other stuff and finally an x-ray type test to check the functions of her......insides?  ( I am incredibly medical aren't I?)

The last test she had to take was the summer she turned five.  I took my mom with us because I was over eight months pregnant and the test involved radiation.  I knew I would not be allowed to stay with Saige.  So my mom who is slightly handicapped, my pregnant self and my daughter and I trekked downtown in the 110 degree heat to Texas Children's Hospital.  The test was stressful for her and for me because I couldn't stay with her, but I could hear her from the hallway.

The next day it was still hot and I was still pregnant and I was out doing errands with the three kids I already had.    During the grocery store trip the kids decided we HAD to go to the library.  I agreed because it is quiet and air conditioned there it would be educational.

We ran in the house and put the groceries away and then piled back into the Womb on Wheels to head to the library which would be closing soon.

Once there we browsed for books.  Except for Tanner who isn't interested in books.  He lurked behind the computer users passing gas until he could get one to leave in disgust.  (I didn't teach him that.)  Saige and I had to use the little girls' room and while we were in there I noticed something wasn't right with Saige.  There was a mysterious stain on the leg of her underpants.  I cleaned her up and headed back to the library in a panic.  I told the kids to check out what they had immediately so we could leave.

In the parking lot I started asking Saige questions.
"Does your stomach hurt?"
"Does your back hurt?"
"How long has that underpants situation been going on?"
In my mind I was thinking something had gone wrong with the test.  Maybe her internal organs were pricked and now they were leaking???? She answered with her usual space cadet obliviousness.  Nothing hurt.  She had no fever.  She couldn't say when the problems began. 

I was headed home to call the pediatrician or the specialist we had met with.  I was debating on whether or not to drive straight to the ER.  As we were getting in the van I noticed the problem had worsened.  You have to understand the UTI episodes had been going on for over a year.  I was already worried something was horribly wrong.  I spent the day before in that children's hospital looking around at kids who were chronically and seriously ill.  I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to cope with that kind of illness in your own child.  Those parents were so strong. 
 Plus I was pregnant.  Hormones may have been a factor.

I started to clean her up.  I asked again if she was hurting.

Then I smelled.........................chocolate.

"Saige", I asked.  "Did you stick chocolate in your underpants?"

"Yup"  She replied.

It turns out she did not have a dangerous and deadly internal organ laceration during the test.  What had happened was........while I was quickly putting up groceries she was grabbing a little chocolate candy snack.  When I yelled for them to load back up without getting anything to eat my sweet daughter decided the best way to avoid having to share her purloined treat with her brothers was to stick it down her pants and save it for later
.
THEN she let me panic for ten minutes not mentioning it.

( I have since told her that chocolate must be eaten right away during a Texas summer.)

Can you imagine if I had taken her to the ER and they had had to diagnose her?

TV Guilt

I have heard lately from a bunch of bloggers who love their trash TV.  Whether it be dwarfs, or tiny beauty queens, housewives, Jersey-ites, or Glee........ seems everyone has a guilty TV pleasure.
I have one too.  It is Supernanny.

At first it is like pictures of strung out Lindsey Lohan.  I just can't turn away.  My older kids love to watch this part with me.  We are shocked and entertained by the antics of these children.  Some bite their parents.  Others pummel their siblings or refuse to eat.  (Unheard of in this family.)

Usually by the time Supernanny's observation period is over I wonder how these families got to this point.  Most of the families seem to be upper middle class, educated and well kept. I am sure they have had access to health care, parenting literature, and the example of other parents.  (Well maybe not.  I probably wouldn't have to have a play date with some of these "before" kids.)

During the last few episodes I took off my "judgey" pants and tried to analyze what may have led to the poor behavior.  It seems to me in most circumstances the parents are 65%  nice, and 35% temporarily lazy.  They probably haven't always been lazy, but parents get tired and then they let a few things go and next thing they know a downward spiral has occurred and it is pandemonium.  Then they are left just trying to survive another day.

We get close at our house.  And after a few days of cruddy behavior I realize I no longer like my kids. Then we lay down the law again and get back on track.  The most famous episode was the summer I told my kids if they didn't mind me right away, the first time I said something, while saying, "Yes Ma'am." we would leave our outing and come straight home for the rest of the day.  I told them to sit still at church while I went to the bathroom.  When I came back they had all moved seats.  My kids behaved so badly we had to leave church!

Supernanny reminds the families of the importance of rules and consequences.  I love the looks on the kids faces when they introduce the rules.  It is part, "What?" and part, "Oh thank goodness my brother will no longer be allowed to cut my hair with the weed eater."

The first time out is always painful. The kids are stubborn because they are accustomed to getting their way.  Finally it sinks in there is a new sheriff in town. You can almost feel the relief from the young 'uns.

It all seems to be downhill from there.
It is nice in the end to see the families enjoy their children again and also to see the parents get their sanity back.

***Last minute addition.  I have a new guilty TV pleasure!  I may be in love.  I never realized Steven Tyler was so freaking funny and sexy!!  More Idol tomorrow?  I hope so!

What is your favorite stupid show?  Do you like these?
What did you think of the new Idol judges?

Role Reversal

From time to time we bribe one of the older children to get up early on Saturday morning and play with the babies so The Coach and I can sleep till a decent hour.  (Like past 7:00AM.)
Of course we wake up to a big fat mess, and sometimes mysterious photos.

1. Looks like someone got the baby strung out on chocolate Pop Tarts.
2. It also looks like someone touched my camera.  I own TWO things no one is to touch under any circumstances.  My camera and my bike.

Saige has managed to rack up a pretty substantial sum of money for her services.  (For a 9 year old.)  Sweet Aunt asked her the other day what she was going to do with all that money on their way home from school.  She replied she was going to buy me a present.

How sweet is that?

I know what she wants to get me.  I mentioned a "cruiser" type bike I want to ride around the neighborhood with the kids.  The road bike is not working for this.  I have to clip in and out every time they need help and I am eventually going to crash.

It is so thoughtful of her to think of me. And also to remember something I mentioned.  Something that would enable us to spend time together.   I would like to think in some way she learned this by example from me and especially my mom and The Coach.  Mostly it is just her natural sweet self though.  BUT.  I don't want her to spend her money on me.  I don't know how to stop her though without discouraging her generous little spirit.  Maybe I could secretly enlist the help of The Coach.

Any other ideas?

We Interrupt This Blog..........

I have been sitting down to blog tonight for about six minutes.

I have been interrupted 842 times.  Approximately.  Not by the babies who don't know better, but by the older kids who are supposed to be able to clean the kitchen without my help.  Currently even the dog is invading my space, staring at the keyboard.  Clem, if you can read this - GET OFF MY FOOT.

So far I have started all of the following posts.


A love story starring Tayte.
A questioning post about why people feel the need to hug everyone so much these days.
A post about the number 1 most common complaint among married men in the U.S.
My race schedule for the season.
One seeking your opinion on electric scooters.
An explanation of why Saige is the "Baby Whisperer"
My guilty pleasure. 

(Just got interrupted again by the way.)

(And again.)

What was I trying to say?

Oh yeah.  I have started many posts.  Which one would you like me to finish?
(And do you think they would understand if I started barging in on them to ask dumb questions (like, "should I put the milk in the fridge?") while they were playing x-box, or listening to their ipod, or playing with friends, or trying to go to the bathroom?)

Cake Mix and Bullets

I posted this a while back.  I found it odd that someone would give a homeless guy who was begging for money, cake mix of all things. I just couldn't figure it out.  Still haven't.

  

  

I drove by this intersection again the other day and there was another homeless man standing there.  He had a sign.  The sign said, 

"Bank Robber.  Need money for bullets."

I laughed and the homeless man/bank robber motioned for me to roll down my window. 

I did and he shouted that he liked my sense of humor and he loved my hair.  He told me that if my husband didn't treat me right I should come back and see him.  I drove home that same way several times with my camera looking for him so I could post his sign.  He is gone.  I can't find my boyfriend.

This reminded me of an essay Tanner once wrote about doing a good deed.

He wanted to be sure I didn't plagiarize and I gave him full credit, so...the following is an original essay by my son Tanner when he was in the fifth grade.

    First my mom and I thought of a good deed.  We decided to give sack lunches to hobos.  To do this we had to make lunches.  I got to spend good quality time with my family.   The lunches had turkey and ham sandwiches, chips, fruit, a drink and cookies.
    Next we got in the car and drove off to look for hobos.  That night it was really cold.  I did not think we would see any people because of the cold.  We did see two guys under an overpass near a Waffle House.  Hobos like the Waffle House.   They looked starved and they were.  I called the first man over and said, “We made you this lunch.  Merry Christmas”.   He said, “God Bless You,” and smiled.  Later we saw him walking away from the overpass.  A few minutes later we saw a guy carrying a sack and I gave him the other lunch.
    This made me feel happy that I did a good deed.  It was my destiny to give these people their lunches.  I was happy for the hobos because they got to eat that night.   It also made me very sad.  It only took about thirty minutes.  The reason I picked this good deed is because it is no fun to be hungry on the holidays.  Now after reading this you might get hungry go ahead eat I don’t care.  

So there you have it.  Hobos like Waffle House.  And faux hawks.
And Tanner doesn't use transition words.