Can You Hear Me Now?

As you all who are following my life with anticipation of my next move will recall, I fired my triathlon coach.
Then the next day I rehired him.

Since then he has acted a tad like he may be scared of me.  Than again maybe he is just squirrely.
I just wanted to use the word, "squirrely".  Now I have.  I can move on.

He called me today.  He asked me how my workout plan was going and asked if I was doing ok and if I was happy.
I told him I was fine and that the only concern I have is that I have been exhausted lately. 

He was concerned about my exhaustion and asked if it was the workouts specifically or just life in general.  I told him it was life in general and that I wasn't getting any sleep.

Interruption -
For some reason  have been waking up about 2:34 am every morning for about the last three weeks.  I then cannot go back to sleep until about 4:00am.  My alarm clock goes off at 4:30. 
I have been falling asleep while driving which is what I always do when sleep deprived.
Back to story.

He suggested that I take a break and have a slow week the week after my next race.  I agreed that as much I didn't want to do that it would probably be for the best and maybe between a workout break and the first week of summer I could get some rest.

He said, "Your son will be out of school.  Is that your only kid?"

Interruption -
Remember I took Ty with me to the team fartleks the other day?
I used to take Saigie to the team track workout, but I decided it was traumatic for her to see me near death wheezing and cussing.
Remember one of my problems with this coach was that he didn't seem to remember me from one week to the next since I hired him in February?
Now he has SEEN and spoken to two of my kids.  I don't expect him to remember them, so that is fine.  A lot of his clients probably have kids.
Back to story.

I explained to him both when I hired him and when I rehired him that I cannot rely on group workouts because of my schedule with my FIVE kids.  I explained to him that if the crux of his plan was group workouts this team was not for me.

Back to the phone conversation, I told him (again) that I have FIVE kids.  I told him Ty was my oldest and that they ranged in age from 15 to almost 2.

He said, "HOLY SHIT!  I am impressed you manage to do any workouts.  I would be tired too.  You have five kids?" (I am sorry Mom, but that is what he said.  And I am nothing if not completely accurate on this blog.)

I wasn't mad about it.  I am not exactly annoyed by it, more like humorously confused.  I started ruminating over some of our past conversations.  I just wanted to use the word ruminating.

Once I faked embarrassment while we were taking our shoes off that mine socks didn't match.  We were commiserating on the hardship of finding two matching socks and I said, "Seven people's worth of socks are impossible to keep on top of."  What did he think I was talking about?  Was he listening?

Another time he was admonishing me for not running faster, yadda yadda yadda, at a track workout and I responded, "I just come here to get away from my kids!"  Well it was more like, "I GRUNT just come GASP WHEEZE here to get GASP away from WHEEZE my kids."  What did he think I was talking about?  Was he even listening?  He laughed so I assume he heard me.

The workout feedback he requires we complete after workouts often includes things like, "I would have liked to swim the other 500 meters, but I had to pick up a kid up from school, take one to art, and take one to the doctor to get a Polly Pocket shoe extracted from her nose."  Does he even read the logs he insists I keep?  (Does he not read my blog?)

Sigh.

I am not going to fire him again.  He is knowledgeable and I have shown improvement.  The Coach is disappointed by this decision.  He was still hoping to have a reason to beat him up.
I am not even really trying to complain about the fact that he does not remember me or more specifically my situation.
I just am wondering, "Does he ever listen?"
If not he is missing out on my number one excuse for any failure in my life including, but not limited to, a messy house, late grading, forgetting friend's birthdays and running slowly.

Are there people in your life like this?  Do you do this?  Do I?  (I guess you wouldn't know.  Unless I have done it to you that is.) 

The Grocery Store Ruined My Day

The day started off just fine.  It was the last Monday of the school year.  A rest day so I got to sleep clear until 5:30 am instead of working out before the crack of dawn.  The kids got into the car without fuss.   I had all the required flavors of Pop Tarts.  Things were looking good for a Monday morning.
After work I headed to the grocery store to do the grocery shopping.   An hour later I parked my cart behind two others at the check out.  No problems.  I appreciated the rare joy of shopping alone without Shaye cussing out strangers and Tayte asking repeatedly for gum.  The manager waved me over to an empty lane and my day took in instant downward spiral into a stress induced race against the clock.
I was in check out purgatory.  The lady ringing me up said she hadn't checked in twenty years.  It kinda showed.  I smiled patiently as she tried six different numbers for my red onion.  There was really no point in rushing her since Methuselah was sacking the groceries and he was in no hurry.  I snatched the dog food, milk, and some other items off the belt and threw them in the cart unbagged to speed up the process.  I felt sorry for my now rushed self, but not as sorry as I felt for the lady who got in line behind me with only six cases of Coke.  Finally I escaped.  Thank goodness Methuselah didn't insist on helping me out with my bags.  I began to cart my now melting ice cream out to the car.

On the way to the car a nice lady alerted me that I had dropped my industrial size package of toilet paper.  I had to abandon my cart and go back for that.
Once in the car I started reviewing my receipt.  My grocery budget was off by about forty bucks!  I found only one problem.  I was charged for a 9.00 book of stamps I didn't buy.   I trudged back in and got the whole nine bucks back!

I made the rounds to pick up the babies, and Ty.  For some reason this child still can't seem to figure out how to get a ride from the parental unit WHO WORKS AT THE SAME SCHOOL HE ATTENDS.

As soon as I drove up to the house. The Coach left to do some (made up) coaching responsibility.  I tried to put the groceries up, but Ty and Tanner eat them as fast I can empty the bags.  The babies themselves went through a Popsicle an fruit snack pouch each.  I found as I was unloading that Methuselah had tied a tight, tight knot in each and every grocery sack.  I guess he could read my mind and that was payback for my mental grumbling.
I got the groceries put up.
The band uniform ironed.
I complimented Saigie's new Bible. (Sweet Aunt bought it for her because she accepted Christ last week.)
I loaded all the kids back into the car to take to art class and band concert.
Right when we got to the point of no return where the next highway exit is far far away Tanner realized he didn't actually have his horn.  For a band concert.
Turned around.
Headed out again.
Finally dropped Saige off at art. Ten minutes late.
At this point both Tayte and Shaye started screaming incessantly in the back seat.
Ty flipped through annoying songs on his ipod/car radio.
I found the place to drop Tanner off . Fifteen minutes late.
With a deep sigh I headed home.
My phone rang.
It was the receptionist at the art class.
She needed to inform me there wasn't actually art class today. 
I turned around.
I blame Methuselah.

I did make it home and I did cook dinner.
I also realized I forgot corn.  I guess it is back to the store today as it is an essential ingredient in corn chowder. I will try to avoid Methuselah and his wife. 
:)

What is your least favorite thing about grocery shopping?

My Dog is Dumb

And I am not just saying that because the whole neighborhood saw my underwear.

Clem is a Golden Retriever.  She is a sweetheart.

She lets kids ride her and she cleans up the kitchen floor.  That is her best trick.

My dad trained hunting dogs for a while and it is his motto that a dog is always learning something even if the owner isn't meaning to teach it something.

Apparently Clem somehow learned running away is fun.

Early on I tried to teach her not to leave the house even if the door was wide open.  This is possible.  My dad's dog would not leave the house unless someone told her, "Ok."  I was diligently teaching Clem this, but sometimes when I was getting gum out of someone's baseball pants, or taking a hair dryer out of a sink full of water children opened the door and Clem went out it.

In our old neighborhood she was rewarded by ten or twelve elementary school kids chasing her around.  They would chase her round and round the block and then three or four of the kids with the most endurance would show up on our porch with a smiling Clem.  If I could read Clem's mind I would bet she was saying, "Look. I brought you all these kids.  You like kids.  I am a good dog.  Good dog!" 

Apparently all those kids chasing her was positive reinforcement because now when she gets out she is ready for a chase.  She won't ever try to run away.  If I turned around and went back in the house she would  just lie on the front lawn and wait for someone to come by.  Hopefully someone who would chase her.

Yesterday when I got home and opened the garage door she came barrelling out of the garage.  I didn't realize someone had put her in there because of a possible storm.

Side note - Apparenetly we also taught her that she would be safe in a storm if she hoisted her 65 pound self up on top of the first dining room table I have ever owned. and ran back and forth on it leaving claw marks down the length of it.  Yes.  That will protect her from a storm.  For sure

Back to the issue, the best method in the new neighborhood for catching Clem is to chase her around the block on the bike until she gets tired and then she will gladly let herself be leashed.   I hopped on Tanner's Mongoose and went after her wearing my work clothes, a wrap dress and three inch pumps.  It looked like a storm was coming.  I had to go catch her, because she didn't have any access to a dining room table and therefore would be totally unprotected in the event of a storm.  It was very windy. 

Another side note - What is with the Texas wind lately?  It is brutal. (That was not a complaint.  If it is not cold I am not complaining.)

The good news is I was wearing girl boxers.  The bad news is everyone in the neighborhood knows I was wearing girl boxers.  ARGH.  I was hoping to make it a few weeks before I exposed myself again.

Oh who am I kidding.  I would rather play chase than be ridden too.

What weird things does your pet do?