So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Ty Fartleks

The good news is track workouts are no longer my most hated tri workout.
Guess what is?

My first experience with fartleks was awful from the moment I got lost, confused and frustrated trying to find my team in Memorial Park until I gave up running and stumbled cramping and sweating back to my truck for a smoke.  (Kidding.  I don't smoke.)  I think the whole experience was payback for the times The Coach and I would ride through Memorial Park before church looking at runners while we were eating donuts.

After the first attempt at fartleks I came to the obvious conclusion - Misery LOVES company.

I informed my son, Ty, the next day that he would be attending fartlek training with me next time.
He informed ME that he likes to run in the neighborhood so if necessary he can stop in for a brownie.

A little while later he came to me and we had the following conversation:
Ty:  So hypothetically if I went to run with you at Memorial Park, how long is the park?
Me: The park is quite large.  We would just run a portion of it which is a  three mile loop.

Ty: Who in the hell made such a long loop?  That's stupid.
Me: Ty, I was planning on running it twice.

Ty: I may go with you and run it once, but while you are running around it the second time I am going to sit and eat a cheeseburger.
Me: Yeah.  Try that in the park with thousands of hungry runners.

Fast forward two weeks - during this two weeks please imagine many failed workouts.  These failures span anywhere from not starting the workout to giving up on a five mile run after two pit stops at 4:30 am. Also throw in there some nutritional difficulty that left me wanting to eat my own arm about 3:30 every afternoon, but instead resorting to Taco Bell.

I had given Ty a choice: he could either go with me to run fartleks or he could stay at home to babysit and The Coach would go with me.  (Little did he know The Coach had already refused.)
Ty decided reluctantly to come along, but he did complain about his legs, sore from football weight lifting.
(Also there was a slight discomfort which apparently occurred when he applied Icy-Hot to his upper thighs in too close of proximity to his "parts".  For reasons that are not clear he has been begging me to blog about this ever since.  I guess he didn't want Tanner's "ball sacky" hands to get all the attention.)

I told him jogging would help loosen up his sore legs.
His reply, "My coach says that too, but I don't think the claim is backed by science.  I think it is just something people say to fat kids to make them run."

He promptly fell asleep on the recliner.  He never does this so I took pity on him and decided to leave him.   When I got ready to leave I couldn't find my keys, so I had to wake him up as he drove the car last. (I know.  It keeps me up at night too.)

I was already running late so of course he decided he wanted to go.
He got a shirt out of the dryer which is where he has been getting all his clothes for the past two days.  At some point I am going to have to point to him a dryer is for DRYING and a dresser is for storing.

I got lost again, but we finally found my team.
The plan was to run a mile warm up and then alternating hard/easy quarters miles for the next five miles. Ty's plan was to run the warm up with me then wave goodbye.

It was awful.  Apparently the gods really frown upon eating of donuts in front of hungry runners.  It was 96 degrees at 6:30p.m..  I cramped up immediately. I tried to just keep on going.  During the "easy" quarters my heart rate wouldn't slow down.  I finally just started walking/running.  When I finished the first loop I ran in the opposite direction to find Ty.  I didn't really have any worries that my man sized son had been kidnapped, but I was shocked that he hadn't made it any further.  When I finally found him I started walking with him.  Within two minutes he said, "I just don't understand why we have to walk so fast!" 
We were walking a 14:30 mile.
We met back up with the team and I informed Ty it had taken him one hour to jog/walk three miles.  I knew that was pathetic even for him because he can run a nine minute mile.  He informed me that for twenty minutes he had been in the "porta shitter" and he had "destroyed" it.  I let him know how much the running community probably appreciated him.

Overall fartleks still suck.
But the company did make it more enjoyable. 
Ty was quite impressed with the other, faster, runners on the team.  Overall I think it was a good experience for him. And he got a McFlurry for his trouble.  (What can I say?  The kid has some persuasive dimples.)

What is your most unfavorite type of training?  Would company help?
Any other suggestions on making it more enjoyable?
Also do you think I could blame my crappy performance on giving blood that day??
Or am I just crappy?


  1. Absolutely blame it on giving blood. In fact, I'm betting you could use that for a couple of weeks. You know it takes awhile for your body to recover ;)

  2. Did he have to kick you out of the "port a shitter"? We all know how you live in those things.

  3. Good for you! I ran one mile a couple of weeks ago and that was enough for me. I like walking with my friend- we do walk fast though so it truly is a workout but we can still talk to each other too so makes it a lot more fun.

  4. This sooo cracks me up!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it.... So much like my life. :) Definitely a follower! Thanks so much for finding me!!! :)

  5. I love following your posts. It is like I am reading about my own son. Oh wait, he would never run with me but he would tell me every detail about putting icy hot too close to his junk!

    Blame it on donating blood!

    Oh yeah, mmm... donuts!

  6. I have no idea what fartleks are! But they sounds evil.

  7. I can't stop laughing...

    Tell your son he and I can run together..because I'm all about looking for a brownie on the way!

    You're hysterical!

  8. You are so cute and Ty is a hoot!

    I have no idea what a fartlek is. My assumption was one of those conditions wherein you toot a little with every step. But I don't think people do that in teams! And if they do ... I wouldn't want to be anywhere in the vicinity!

  9. Hi Heather!! thanks for checking out my blog!! I am loving yours and am a new follower!

    I remember those nasty Fartleks from my college conditioning days! TOUGH!

    Though, leg press to failure...brought me to tears!

  10. This is hilarious! Love the whole thing, and Ty really cracks me up. I've never heard of a fartlek before this, and it sounds like something I'd never want to do!

    BTW- My google accout won't let me sign in, but I'm from Surviving A Two Year Old, not annonymous!

  11. Definitely blame it on the blood. Plus IMO doing anything in 96 degrees pretty much sucks.
    My least favorite workout has to me mile repeats. Blech.
    Icy HOt that's interesting.

  12. You can blame it on whatever you want! :) Women have all kinds of things to blame crappy runs on...boobs too big, boobs too small, period, just finished my period, about to get my period, hormones, kids driving me crazy, cramps.... Tempo runs...uggh! 7 miles at half marathon pace today...frig, why don't I just race a half marathon?! Good grief.

  13. Dryers are NOT for storing clothes? Could somebody tell that to my family?
    I love fartleks. I love fartleks. Now intervals are not something that agrees with me.
    Oh, 96F is not the temp I would run in unless the park was airconditioned. :)


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