So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Wrestling, Biting, and Innocent Baptists

It never ceases to amaze me how I can pile embarrassment upon embarrassment on myself until it threatens to topple over into a humiliating heap.

My Sister in Law and her husband both work at a Baptist Church here in town.  They are very sweet and live a sweet, non-embarrassing life.  They have four boys in elementary school.  The Cousins are great fun and a constant source of companionship to Tanner.  I went over the other day to clarify a text message from Sweet Aunt. (I have revived the toilet diving phone, but I can only see half the screen.) Sweet Aunt wasn't home, but Kind Uncle was. Tanner was already there (he seems to think they have taken him to raise.)  The Cousins and he were taking turns wrestling under the officiating eye of Kind Uncle.  His parents, ministers of a small Baptist Church in Kansas, were looking on with the proper amount of slight, tame interest.

I however was getting very excited.  It looked like great fun.

 I vaguely remembered having been asked (told) by The Coach to refrain from wrestling and rough housing with the boys.  He claims they are going to hurt me.  (As if...........)  I usually remember this request.  The last time I roughhoused with Ty he said, "Stop!  I am going to accidentally hurt you and then I am going to get in trouble."  So I usually remember to avoid wrestling, fighting, and so forth if not out of a sense of self-preservation, or out of  respect for The Coach's suggestions (demands) at least in an attempt to keep the boys out of trouble.

I wish this had been the case this time.

I yelled out, " I challenge Tanner!"  Because from what I had seen that seemed to be the proper protocol. Everyone laughed and I probably should have stopped right there.  Instead I actually went on to wrestle Tanner.  At least he does not weigh double what I weight like Ty does.  His twelve year old self weighs about fifteen pounds less than me which  I thought would work in my favor.  I conveniently forgot about the fact the child has wrestling practice four nights a week and spends a considerable amount of weekends at wrestling tournaments.  He knows actual wrestling moves.

We took our places.  He quickly twisted me up into a pretzel and I saw my triathlon career flash before my eyes.  I  did what any mature mom would do.  I bit him.  Apparently this is against the wrestling rules.  Everyone laughed while we continued to scuffle.


A hush fell over my four innocent nephews, my brother in law and his very proper, quiet, sheltered parents. After a sufficient amount of awkward silence I realized this episode had reached its full entertainment potential.   So I quit.   I waved a good bye to everyone and headed out to the car.

On the way out I commented to Ty I thought I had done pretty well, biting aside.
My oldest child replied, "You were doing a good job right up until your boob fell out of your shirt."
I was mortified.  I looked down and sure enough my vest was all bunched up and my bright purple bra was clearly visible.
I asked him why he hadn't SAID something.
He asked, "What did you want me to say?  Hey mom, we can all see your boob?"
That would have been helpful.
I asked him if anyone saw.
He thought for a second and said, "Kind Uncle gasped, 'Oh no!' and then he turned and looked away.  So I am thinking he did see."

(Imagine it like this.  Except for with partial nudity.)  ( I would be the one getting pummeled.)

The worst part of this was that later I had to explain the huge bloody rug burn on my elbow to The Coach.  He just stared at me and said, "Didn't I ask you NOT to wrestle with the boys?"  Yes.

In  my defense though, he never asked that I not expose myself to all the Baptist ministers and young boys in the family in one fell swoop.

I blame Sweet Aunt.  Had she been there this would have never happened.

What is your latest/most embarrassing moment?


  1. Friggin' hilarious!!! I love, love, love stories like this! That would be something that would happen to me! You have to just laugh and move on! My brother and father were both wrestlers in highschool, my dad was a state champion. Do all your boys wrestle? Is your husband their coach? My son is almost 11 and plays soccer and baseball, but I would love for him to try wrestling. It's awesome to watch!

  2. Okay, that is just funny! Sorry!

  3. Oh I love it!!

    At least you had a a pretty purple bra, not a boring tan/nude bra...I'm sure the Baptist men loved it....LOL

  4. OMGOsh!!! I just choked on my coffee. THe scene was playing out in my head....until the boob thing...because THAT is hilarious!!! I actually don't get to rough-house with my dudes either. THey are WAY too tough for me. I tried to play front-yard football with them once; they totally didn't take it easy on me. Tacked me just as hard as they would anybody else!!! BUT...I've never flashed the family (as far as I know anyway!) Sorry I've been AWOL, I truly am...just trying to get my hot mess of crazy back into working order...upcoming deployment is kickin' my butt!!

  5. I once went to a fancy shmancy hookah bar dressed to the nines. Everyone would stop when I went by and stare, and I thought, "I must look HOT!" It wasn't until I sat down and felt a breeze that I realized that my strapless dress had somehow pulled down and hooked underneath my left boob.

    There were no Baptists, though. Just 300 patrons who got a free show, and a really, really courteous host.

  6. I have been so far behind and out of time to make the blogging rounds lately. I'm so glad I stopped by yours today... this story definitely made my morning. You are so funny. :)

  7. They really need to be exposed to those kinds of things. Think of it as a teaching moment.

  8. You are a riot! I would like to say that I could not see myself doing something so embarrassing, but I kept wondering if somehow we were related and I didn't know it....

  9. LOL, oh no!!! Boob poppage is so embarassing! My 10 month old recently pulled my shirt so hard in church that two buttons popped off and everyone could see my bra. We left pretty quickly after that.

  10. I know very well that all four of my boys can whip my butt. When they get in trouble, I have resorted to throwing things, shoes, remotes, whatever is handy. It's why all the remote control backs are taped on.

  11. Ouch! My stomach is sore from holding in my giggles. (Trying to keep up the appearance of professionalism--I am at work after all.) This reminds me of when I finished up with a Parent-Teacher Conference and then went to the ladies' room and saw my blouse half-unbuttoned.

  12. At least there weren't more witnesses. My boys try to wrestle me if I so much as sit on the floor.

  13. hahahahaha. always love coming to your blog to get a smile and a good, gut-busting laugh. :)

  14. You totally made my day... this was utterly hilarious (only because I was laughing with you... WITH you :)

    I can only imagine. Because it's not like I've ever been exposed around extended family members. Not like LAST WEEK or anything, ahem.

    Thanks so much for doing a TST - so sorry that we didn't get one out this week. These past few days have really kicked our collective butts and hopefully we'll get some good news tomorrow and everything will be on the upswing.

    Thanks again - for the needed laughs!

  15. Oh honey, can I feel your pain! So, I had a bit too much to eat and drink in Napa and I had unbottuned my pants. Just as soon as I was about to enter a hotel where we were checking in, I realized that I had forgotten to unbutton. I checked myself.
    So get back in the car and realize my bloat had my button-down shirt. Which was gaping open right ABOVE my bra. So the entire front desk and checking-in guests got the bra and cleavage.


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