Crickets and Mosquito Bait

Crickets because that is all you have been hearing from this blog lately. 
We are having a great time here and doing lots as usual.  There are just many things going on here and it turns out there is only a limited number of things I can do well, or even mediocre at one time.  Plus every time I think of a writing a blog I feel like I should explain my absence and it isn't inspiring to come up with excuses, so let's just skip it.

I love Texas.  I consider myself a native Houstonian having moved where when I was four.  I heard other parts of the world have four actual seasons, but I have never experienced that so I am pretty good with the two we have here.  Summer and not summer.   This past summer was brutal.  It was HOT.  Many weather related records were broken like - earliest day over 100, latest day over 100, and most consecutive days over 100.  Add to that extreme drought.  (Expected to be the worst on record here in the history of EVER!)
Things are going up in flames here left and right.  I think over 1600 houses have been burned down in wildfires.

Because I hate, hate, hate the cold.  I try to roll with these desert-like conditions.  This summer I tried to get the kids outside as much as possible, but since it was still 100 degrees at 9:00pm that was difficult.  Maybe I should have taught the kids to sleep walk.  I usually ended up whisking them to the park at the crack of 7:00 am and toughing it out outdoors until about 8:30, by which time it was sweltering and we escaped into the air conditioning.

The good part of the heat and drought though was that there were way less mosquitoes this summer.  Last summer we about got carried off by them despite my BIL's mosquito killing concoction of Windex and fabric softener.  (??) 

It has rained twice in the last decade in the last month and now the skeeters are back with a vengeance.  I tried to take the babies outside to play last night and had to wonder once again, "What makes Tayte so delicious to mosquitoes?"  I have never seen anything like it.  You can almost see the swarm of bloodsuckers heading his way when he leaves the house.  Are they just hanging around waiting for my juicy baby to venture outdoors??  At one point he even had his very own repellent fan we clipped to his shirt.  That was in addition to the later of OFF we applied and the citronella candle we forced him to carry.  (Just thought of a new invention......citronella scented outdoor toys like Frisbees and balls!)
Does he smell good to mosquitoes?
Is it his infectious smile?

Maybe they are attracted to the luminescent skin.  (Which I have witnessed sunburning outside for fifteen minutes in FEBRUARY!  Maybe this kid just isn't cut out for Texas.)

(Don't ask why he is sideways.........I just wanted to complete a darn post! I don't have time for obstacles.)

The good news..............as long as I stick close to Tayte I never get a bite?

Look at him.  You wanna bite him too don't ya?

Do you have a delicious person in your family?

Got any solutions?

Inevitable Crash

 It was bound to happen.  Sooner or later I was going to crash my bike.  It is a wonder I am still alive.
(By the way that whole statement was a slight exaggeration.  As is the rest of this post. I was not injured.)

I have had to change my approach to riding since I signed up for that Vermont race.  You may remember me whining about the hills.  So I had to practice hills which I am unfamiliar with.

I got distracted and I fell.  The following picture may be hard to look at.  (Not really.)

See?
I would usually go for my Sunday ride outdoors in the 100 degree heat.  I would usually peacefully coexist with eighteen wheelers and road kill.  My coach suggested though, that I stack some books under my front wheel to simulate hills.  I did this on Sunday.  (See, history does come in handy.)

Out of the kindness of my heart I didn't wake up any of the older kids to watch the babies.  The Coach was at a baseball game.  I figured the babies would eventually get bored of watching me ride in place and go watch cartoons. I would have been better off with the trucks and the road kill.

They kept coming over to me trying to hand me things, or in Shaye's case just staring at me.  Then they emptied my night stand.  After that they jumped on my bed.  Then they really started making a mess.  At one point I turned my handlebars while yelling at them to turn off the bath tub water and put the cat down and my bike fell off the stack of history books I had them on.

Whew.  I didn't fall over.  It about gave me a heart attack, but no real damage was done.

The last fifteen minutes of the ride Tayte finally did get tired of watching me ride in place and went and drew a picture.

  Here it is again.  His explanation of the picture - It is a hot dog person and a biscuit person. 

The hot dog person has glasses.

When The Coach got home he asked, "Did the trainer ride not go well?"  It turns out he was asking that based on the state of our bedroom when he returned.  Hmph. 

Please tell me I am not the only person who has ever tried to crash while ON the bike trainer!!

Decor Danger

I am going to have to reassess my previous notions of the most dangerous job in the world.  It may be decorating.  My mom and I embarked on a simple project this week.  We wanted to change this plain, blank wall into a decorated wall.  Easy enough huh?

First I spent a couple of hours going through old pictures on Snapfish and ordering 8x10s in black and white.  The next day I went and picked them up and then I visited three different Hobby Lobby stores to procure 14 frames.  I chose black "floating" ones.  Mom and I figured if we put some colored art paper behind the picture it would serve as a mat at half the cost.  Plus since the frames were on sale for half price they were only five dollars each.  What a bargain. Unfortunately every time I go into Hobby Lobby I find some other decor item that I NEED, so really no money was saved.

For example, isn't this pillow adorable?

Day three of this project we sent the kids for a  nap and assembled the pictures.  (After a fifth trip to the store to exchange the art paper for the correct color of art paper.)

When I snapped this picture my mom told me NOT to put her on my blog.

Sorry Mom.

Pictures matted.

Finally we got to actually hang a picture.

All was going well until we got to the part of the wall I couldn't reach.  How DO those decorators get so high?  Books?  They helped me reach to hang one or two pictures.

But this was a better solution.

 Yes.  This project involved hanging upside down from the second floor.  Professional decorators must be limber!!

I told my mom I could no longer feel my feet.  She said, "My Lord, Heather.  I didn't know your feet weren't on the floor!" This is the same woman who says, "My Lord, Heather why can't you work out at the gym like normal people?"  I love her.

We were in the home stretch when I decided I could put a ladder up on the books I had stacked to reach that empty space there that was too high from the stairs and too low from the upstairs.  The lladder balanced on books on the stairs didn't work. While I was retreating down the stairs with the ladder I knocked over the broom (I may have used that broom earlier to sweep up glass when I dropped a picture from upstairs and it shattered.  I had purchased an extra frame just for such a circumstance.)

Back to the broom.

It landed on the remaining two pictures and then I stepped on it.  Of course the glass on the pictures broke.  Ugh.

I didn't have two more extra frames.

So this is where we ended yesterday.  I will make yet a sixth trip to Hobby Lobby to get two more frames.

Tomorrow I will prevail.

What kind of projects do you have going on?  Do you have a picture wall, or do you think they are lame??  And finally the last question.  How long do you think it will take all the kids to realize Tanner got featured on the wall one more time than the rest of them?

Cruisin'

We had a lot of fun on the cruise.  It is hard to narrow down exactly what I want to write about.  I mean really how many days do you even want to hear about the cruise?

First let me tell you about the driving in Jamaica and Mexico.  It made riding with Ty seem like a walk in the park.  It probably isn't entirely our #1 Jamaican driver's fault as I have never been in a country where they drive on the other side of the road.  There were funny signs up in the city that said things like, "Stay Alive.  Ride, Walk, and Drive Good."  I really wanted to take a picture, but I was too busy holding on for dear life as we were careening down the street.
Before we got off the boat in Cozumel I kept noticing all these posters on the boat discouraging people from doing motorcycle/scooter excursions.   I soon found out why.  The short taxi drive from the pier to our excursion was harrowing.  At many of the intersections there are no stop signs or lights. Apparently the driver with the biggest cojones has the right of way.  Unfortunately there is no way to tell whose are bigger.  Apparently we were using the Softball Taxi Cab Co.  Before I covered my eyes I counted three cyclists we nearly creamed.
Other than the driving though our excursions were super fun.  We did Dunn's River Falls, snorkeling, and The Amazing Race.  (We came in fourth due to my restroom stop and Mike's mis navigation.)

The next notable thing was the food.  It was all good, but not great.  There was a wide variety.  Mostly at breakfast we went to the breakfast buffet.  I like breakfast.  Mainly I like to start eating it within about thirty minutes of opening my eyes.  This was a problem as some people on the cruise mistook the breakfast buffet for some kind of art class.  I mean really how many different ways are there to arrange scrambled eggs on a plate?  Dinners were awesome.  We ate late so there were few kids in the dining room which was a nice change.  We drank wine and relaxed.  Other than the pounds I carried back I have also reawakened my favorite habit of eating something sweet after dinner.  I am going to have to nip that in the bud.  (As soon as I finish this after dessert bowl of Lucky Charms.)  The Grand Mariner souffle was awesome.  I really had to restrain myself not to ask for seconds, and thirds.

I also have to get out of the habit of dressing up for dinner.  The kids think I am weird.



Finally there was relaxing. The Coach and I strategically laid out so I could be in the sun and he could be in the shade.  We read books.

I read Water for Elephants which was awesome.  The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver was a little slow in places.  I also was officially one of the last people on the planet to read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  I really liked it other than the sexual attacks.  I want to read the next book in the series, but I am afraid it may be too much for me.  (Has anyone read it?  Can you tell me if it is much more violent?)

 Also there was napping.  We stayed up late every night so it was pretty much a given that we were going to have to have a nap.  It was great to spend so much uninterrupted time with The Coach.  Really that was probably the best part.  No matter where we had gone it was just nice to be able to talk to each other without the kids, or cell phone, or whatever else interfering.  I had kind of forgotten what The Coach's voice sounded like...and I really like his voice.  It was also nice to remember that he still does cute things like steer me around by the small of my back and get me tea when I run out at lunch.

And finally it was great to come home to the kids.  I was so excited to see them.  They looked like they had changed in only a week.  Shaye Baby still tells me, "Hi Mommy!"  about sixty times every day and waves her little hand at me.  Maybe she thinks I am leaving again.

Well it is glad to be back.  I can't wait to catch up with ya'll. What's been going on?

I Really Am Back

Despite what you might think I did not abandon the kids to live in Mexico.  In fact I was very glad to see each of them.
We had a great time and I will eventually write about it.  The problem is I let my 13 year old get a Facebook and now my computer time is even less since it is imperative he connect with his friends.  Life threatening I tell you.

I do have things to write about like driving in Mexico and a running workout in a parking garage.  Let's not forget what all I ate to achieve a five pound weight gain.  (Woo hoo!!)

First I have to make a long list of chores for the kids to do so I can get some computer time!!

I missed ya'll!

You are My Sunshine

One of Tayte's very favorite songs.  So cute.
I was rewarded by Rory at Mom's Time Out .  
Her blog is a great Canadian blog where you can truly get a time out!!
Thanks Rory.

I am supposed to tell you something about myself and then choose others to receive the award.

I am racking my rain here to think of something to tell you, but unfortunately I have told you everything.
How I would rather my daughter fold clothes than do homework.
I am allergic to everything including latex.  Go ahead make jokes about the number of kids  have.  Everyone else does.
You already know I am my mom's favorite.

Shees. I really should have paced myself.

Oh.  Here I thought of something.
When I was little I thought monsters lived under my bed, but not just any monsters.  Ankle-less monsters.  And since they had none...they wanted mine.  So for two or three years I always got in bed by taking a running start and jumping up into that four poster bed from a as many feet away as I could to save my ankles.  Getting out of bed in the morning was no problem because of course they monsters only come out at night.

So there.  Now you know.  I was a crazy kid.

I am supposed to pick ten blogs to pass this award on to, but ten seems overwhelming so in true Heather fashion I will just do nothing and say that I enjoy all the blogs I read so check some out on my list over yonder!!

Thanks Again Rory!!

Question - Did you have any strange childhood imaginings?

This Just In

Nothing is "just in".  Nothing is exciting.
I just couldn't think of a better title.

I haven't written about tri training lately, so I am going to do that.  Just in case you think all I am doing around here is grounding kids and taking naps. 

I have three areas to discuss.  (Really just two. I'll have to think of a third one while I write.)

1. Nutrition
I texted my sista-girl buds and told them for our girls night I wanted to go to the 59 Diner and have a fried egg hamburger and a milkshake.  Sarge texted me back that it sounded like a great meal for an athlete.  It's ok.  She can make fun of me all she wants since she called me an athlete.
Other than that we are holding strong on the sugar limitations.  No sodas have been in the house diet, or regular.  As far as I know there have been no pop tarts.  It turns out that left with no other choice the kids will eat strawberries, blueberries, cantalope, watermelon, apples, and oranges.  After about two weeks they will even quit griping about it.

Here is Saigie enjoying a peach.  Do you like her hair feather??

I finally ventured into the realm of smoothie-ness.  I have been making delicious sugar free smoothies with greek yogurt, berries and peaches and spinach even.  It is good to get some protein in the morning and even a couple of servings of fruit/veggies.  I hope to keep this up when school starts.  Rushed breakfast is the hardest time for me to make decent food choices.

Here is Ty lamenting the loss of his morning Pop-Tart.  He did admit though that his workouts are going a lot better when he eats something more nutritious for breakfast.

2. Failure
I could really use a win.  I don't think I have completed a run in like two weeks.  That completion was awesome.  The first time I have run six miles in under an hour!!  Woot.  Followed by two weeks of crap!
For example, this morning I was supposed to run 7 miles starting at warm up pace and slowly getting faster.  I didn't make it.
Biking has been more difficult than usual.  Two workouts a week I am supposed to get up to zone 4 heart rate and my legs just aren't cooperating.  They kind of feel like big useless sacks of sand. 

My imagine reasons are: resumed weight training, heat, workouts geared to building back up to olympic length triathlons, waking up to late and then dealing with heat.
My imagine solution: fried egg hamburger and beer and a cruise.

3. Critters
I have seen a lot of critters lately. 
I have seen snakes, bunnies, squirrels, armadillos, a deer, buzzards and one possum who was walking right down the sidewalk at 5:30 am. 
I don't know about vermin behaviors, but I guess the severe drought has them searching for water.  Or maybe they are searching for Popsicles because the snake was right on my front porch.  (Oh why didn't I take a picture!?)
The neighbor lady I accosted when I first moved in told me today she was running over the weekend and ran right past two coyotes thinking they were deer.  She said one was pissed and lunged toward them.  I guess after that he decided it was too hot to attack her or her dog.  I will be on the look out.

It started raining today during my run which was nice.  My arm started stinging and I realized I had through a swam of flying ants.  There were about fifteen on my arm.  These are the last five or so that managed to hang on for the entire run.  (It is hard to take a picture of my own arm.  Even more so when this creature is hanging on to my legs letting me know she was NOT happy to stay at home with the brothers while I ran.)

 I got slightly spoiled by the Texas drought and I was quite shocked when I woke up to rain the other morning.  I had to set up the bike trainer.  I asked Ty to come take my picture. He smiled and said, "ok" then I never saw him again.....so just imagine me riding my little heart out here.

I thank all of you with low entertainment thresholds for making it through the whole post! 

Do you know if any tried and true solutions for sand bag legs?  Do you like fried egg hamburgers?  Have you ever fed a snake a Popsicle?

I Have to Choose Just One?

I was listening to morning radio the other day while they were discussing a study done on marriage.  The claim was that most divorces would be avoided if a spouse would just eliminate ONE annoying habit or trait.
I started thinking about The Coach's (very few) annoying habits.

No Middle Ground - I have asked him before if he could maybe develop some mid level reactions.  Right now we get either 0 or 10.  Kill the dog?  Drop a candy bar?  It gets the same initial reaction from The Coach.  (Hypothetically speaking....we have never killed the dog to test this theory, but there was a guinea pig incident.)

Asks One Million Questions - He is a thorough person and that is a good thing.  In the process of being thorough though he asks 3,398 questions.  If I do not know the answer he asks the same question over and over worded differently as if that will make me know the answer.  Probably this wouldn't bother me so much if his son had not genetically inherited the trait.  He peppers me with a constant barrage of questions on a daily basis causing me to lose patience with questions in general.

Magazine Placement - I am not a good housekeeper and I do not care.  However I hate to have items lying around on tables and counters.  For some reason The Coach insists on fanning his Sports Illustrated out on our entry way table as if our living room were a dentist's waiting room.

I was having immense fun amusing myself, drinking my coffee, and mulling over The Coach's annoying traits when a thought slammed into my brain, "What annoying trait would The Coach want to rid me of?"
Gasp.  It occurred to me I may have annoying traits.

Morning Person - I start talking to The Coach the second he rolls out of bed and when he doesn't chatter back at me I am assume he is mad.  Maybe more annoying than the fact that I am so sparky at 5:30 am is the fact that after five years I can never remember that he will not really be awake until around 9:00 am.  Conversely I cannot usually keep my eyes open past 9:30 pm, yet I force him to go to bed with me.

Only Caring about Where the Magazines Are - Our house is not the pig sty is used to be, but The Coach would definitely like it a little cleaner. Contrastingly I am more concerned with blogging training playing with the kids and actually taking them outdoors and stuff.  I try to cover this up by having an emergency cleaning session when The Coach calls to say he is leaving the field.  I guess he doesn't notice.

After that it is probably a tie between my pajamas, bad breath, training complaints, and forgetfulness.

It is a good thing I can cook.

What annoying trait would you erase of your spouse's? 
And the more difficult question....What annoying trait would your spouse eliminate of yours?

Never Kiss a Gift Gun

From time to time I try to reward The Coach's awesomeness with a gift.
He is awesome with his athletic supported-ness, and his sexy mustached-ness

It never works out. Here is an example.

Idea: 
The idea was to buy The Coach something for Father's Day.  He bought me a cool bike for Mother's Day.  We got him one too and he said that is good enough of a gift. I have been spending a butt load of money to get ready for the cruise, so I wanted to get him something.  (Ok. The most expensive thing I bought was a 100.00 swimsuit, but to me that is a butt load of money.)
He wouldn't give me any hints and said not to get him anything.  We do the budget Dave Ramsey style so it is pretty hard to get hold of any secret gift money.  In the past I would skim money from the grocery money, but with Ty's current 4000 calorie a day intake that just isn't possible.
So I scraped up some allowance.  I fibbed about some gas money.  I Craig's listed some junk around the house. I cashed in our ATM rewards points and I was off.

Gift:
I headed to the gun store with my dad.  There were about a million guns there.  Ty was in heaven.  I knew The Coach needed a .20 gauge.  My dad found a few .20 gauge pumps.  One looked pretty good.  I really wanted to get him a over/under though as I have been intrigued by those since I was a kid shooting my dad's.  The shooter cracks it open after two shots and it spits the empty shells out.  Awesome.
Anyway I found a used one for 200.00 dollars more than I had scraped up.  (Ty offered to lend me the rest of the money.  Isn't he sweet?)  I decided to put the balance on our credit card we never use.

Interruption:
Hey.  You know...if you joke in a gun store full of nervous sales people packing major heat that your husband might get a text that the credit card has been used at the gun store he might not come home fearing a PMS induced murderous rage....no one will laugh.

Back to the story:
I filled out the paperwork for a background check, and all was going swimmingly until I got to the first question.  It said, "Are you going to be the sole owner of this weapon?"  It was a trick.  The penalty for fraudulently buying a weapon for someone else in Texas is 10,000 and ten years in jail.  I know because it is on billboards all over the city.
So I passed the background check and bought the gun.  My stomach was in knots.  The Coach would either be majorly excited, or majorly PISSED that I had put something on the credit card we never used.  I was developing ulcers while I waited to see which.

 The Problem:
When  I got home The Coach asked me to accompany him to the suit store to buy a suit he has to have for the cruise.  As we got into the truck he asked me, "Can I have that red credit card for the suits."  I calmly handed it over, but inside I was dying.  He never uses that card!!  It only has a low limit.  What are the chances?  I needed to smoke.  I don't even smoke.

He shopped FOREVER which is a whole 'nother post.  Finally he made his selections and we waited for the world's oldest and slowest sales person to ring us up.  I was in agony!  My newly developed ulcers were beginning to bleed.  Finally he slid the card through and started wrapping up the deal.

Then
He
Said

"I am sorry. That card was declined."

The Coach started to argue with him that there was a 0 balance on the card and I interrupted him saying, "I need to talk to you." I went outside and burst into tears.

Of course I had to spill the beans and explain I had bought him an expensive gift.  Of course he was not mad at me, but was very excited to get his gift.  I gave it to him that night.  I think he likes it.

It is tricky to buy a gun for someone who may be upset that you spent money!  Again..not a funny statement to nervous gun shop sales guys!!

What is the best surprise you have ever pulled off for your spouse?  Are you good at keeping a secret?

Clear Lake Tri

 Sub Title - My Butt Thanks YOU, Dad

My dad took pity on me and my repeated lamentations about my butt.  More specifically my bike saddle was killing my butt.  It got to where I didn't even want to sit in a regular chair any more.   Which is unfortunate as is hard to drink wine lying down.  I mean it can be done, but it is messy.
Anyway he offered to buy me a new seat.  I declined because expensive.
I went to the bike store to get a new fit and the bike guy pointed out that the rails on my seat were bent.  He gave me a loaner to try out.  I can't say that I like it. 
My tri coach suggested a different seat and it was in fact expensive.  I called Dad up to see if the offer was still good. It was.  Whew....he hadn't spent the money on my pesky brothers.
It has gel and it is one of those "cut out" seats.  I have used it twice now.  Once on the road and once on the trainer.  The road day was terrible as far as zones and speed and I was afraid it was the seat, but now looking back I think my legs were just toast last week for some reason.  It feels good and I can sit in a regular chair again.  That's good.  The red wine stains were ruining the couch.

Next Sub Title - I Hate Sadist Triathlon Route Planners

My next big race is supposed to be the Clear Lake Olympic Distance Triathlon in August.  I haven't signed up for it yet.  Here's why.

You probably don't remember but this big causeway was mile five and six of the Kemah Olympic Distance race I ran in April.  It was a killer. 
For some reason the event planners of the Clear Lake Tri have decided to use this damn bridge again except this time for the bike. 
Are they freaking kidding me?
I mean I live on the coast.  There are plenty of miles - you can actually see them - stretched out end to end not changing in elevation at all.  In fact they are pretty much at sea level.  I do not know why the planners had to put the bike route out of the way to include this structure.  I hate them.  I am sorry. I do.
I know some of you encounter hills daily and I respect you. 
You know that saying, "Run for the Hills"?  Well I don't do that.  I run from them.  Bike too. 
Sigh.
What is a wimpy triathlete to do?
Anyone know any good hill workouts to do when there are no hills in the area?

What do you like to avoid?  Heat?  Hills? Wind? Cold? Dairy Queen?

Week One!

I thought this summer I would work on my blog and really write enjoyable stories about my family and capture pictures to fulfill the scrapbook part of this blog.

Ha!

Instead I have been reduced to doing what I am doing right now, hiding out silently in the study while dinner burns so no one will realize I am doing something for myself.  If they realize it all hell will break loose.  Someone will hurt themselves.  Someone else will spill something and inevitably someone will need the computer urgently.
So be very quiet while I quickly fill you in on our week.

Tayte rode a horse and got a trophy at his soccer party!!

We have eaten multiple Popsicles on the front porch.  Yes.  Popsicles must be eaten in the partially nude.  That's the rule.

I promise I really do put clothes on Shaye Baby in the summer.

Saige is lucky to have a little brother and sister so she can enjoy "baby" things under the guise of helping them!

We found this water park to walk to Wednesday night while Ty and Tanner are at church.  It took Tayte  a while to get get brave, but they finally did.  Tayte was so cute explaining this to Ty.  He told him, "Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me."



And finally we have been enjoying the first fruits of The Coach's vegetable garden.  He has planted zucchini, beans, tomatoes, peppers, onions and lettuce.  So far just the tomatoes have been ready.

So we accomplished some goals.  I took pictures.  (It looks like it may be the last week for that since someone - Shaye Baby - stole the SIM card from the computer and hid it somewhere.  I think her goals this summer is to drive me insane.)  We went to parks and we relaxed.  I read two books and I am in the middle of two.
I think we have reached our nutritional goals and our Forced Family Fun goals.

My totals for the week were.
Run: 19.55 miles
Bike: 59.57 miles
Swim: 4200 meters
weights: 1x

I did not meet the yoga goals with the football and volleyball workouts the kids had.  Maybe this week!!

Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me.
Just kidding of course.

I am fixna to pour a glass of wine now and try to catch up with some of y'all!!

Is it summer for you?  How is it going? OR How much longer do you have to wait?
What is your favorite local word?  Mine is "fixna".

No Wonder

I lost nearly fifteen pounds this school year.  I still have like two to go.  My wine consumption may go up while I am at home with the kids, so that two pounds may never happen.  Whatever.

Before losing any weight I went and had my resting metabolism calculated.  Basically the result was that I could eat around 1500 calories a day and maintain that same weight.  I get to add back in the amount of calories I work off training for triathlon.  That could be any where from 300 - 1200 depending on the workout schedule for the day, usually 600ish.

I monitor the calories in order to lose weight, but also to make sure I have enough fuel to train for an endurance sport.
One of my goals this summer was to help the kids eat healthier.  This morning I nagged talked to Ty about the amount of calories he was taking in.  By 11:30 am he had eaten the following.
Colossal power bar thingie
bottle of Muscle Milk
large orange
one Totino's pizza - the whole pizza, not a slice.
Cesar salad with chicken
Immediately after the pizza and salad he fixed himself a bowl of cereal I could swim in.  I exploded.  I told him it was no wonder there was never any food at our house and our grocery bill was more than our mortgage!!  (Not really) I pointed out to him that it was 11:30 am and he was getting ready to exceed 2000 calories of food!!

I marched into the computer room ready to prove my point.  I looked up the daily caloric needs for a 6'1, 255 pound 15 yo. (I had to look up 19 yo.  They didn't have this information for that size of 15 yo.)
3350
3350 - A DAY
3350 calories a day to main his current weight.
I read on.  It also stated that for every hour of exercise a person of this size completes 600 calories should be added back in.   Ty works out for two hours every morning with the football team, but I am only going to add 600 cuz I figure for some of that time they are getting instructions, or on a water break.  Mostly I will not add 1200 calories back in because I just can't fathom it.

I asked him if he wanted to lose any weight and he said, "some".  (His coaches have told him to trim some fat, but they don't expect to lose actual pounds while lifting so much weight. Just in case you thought I was encouraging my child to be obese.)  To lose one pound a week would want to eat 2850 calories a day.
I can't even imagine.

No wonder our pantry is always bare and my wallet is always empty.

If could eat 3000 calories a day and not gain any weight, what would you eat?

Can You Hear Me Now?

As you all who are following my life with anticipation of my next move will recall, I fired my triathlon coach.
Then the next day I rehired him.

Since then he has acted a tad like he may be scared of me.  Than again maybe he is just squirrely.
I just wanted to use the word, "squirrely".  Now I have.  I can move on.

He called me today.  He asked me how my workout plan was going and asked if I was doing ok and if I was happy.
I told him I was fine and that the only concern I have is that I have been exhausted lately. 

He was concerned about my exhaustion and asked if it was the workouts specifically or just life in general.  I told him it was life in general and that I wasn't getting any sleep.

Interruption -
For some reason  have been waking up about 2:34 am every morning for about the last three weeks.  I then cannot go back to sleep until about 4:00am.  My alarm clock goes off at 4:30. 
I have been falling asleep while driving which is what I always do when sleep deprived.
Back to story.

He suggested that I take a break and have a slow week the week after my next race.  I agreed that as much I didn't want to do that it would probably be for the best and maybe between a workout break and the first week of summer I could get some rest.

He said, "Your son will be out of school.  Is that your only kid?"

Interruption -
Remember I took Ty with me to the team fartleks the other day?
I used to take Saigie to the team track workout, but I decided it was traumatic for her to see me near death wheezing and cussing.
Remember one of my problems with this coach was that he didn't seem to remember me from one week to the next since I hired him in February?
Now he has SEEN and spoken to two of my kids.  I don't expect him to remember them, so that is fine.  A lot of his clients probably have kids.
Back to story.

I explained to him both when I hired him and when I rehired him that I cannot rely on group workouts because of my schedule with my FIVE kids.  I explained to him that if the crux of his plan was group workouts this team was not for me.

Back to the phone conversation, I told him (again) that I have FIVE kids.  I told him Ty was my oldest and that they ranged in age from 15 to almost 2.

He said, "HOLY SHIT!  I am impressed you manage to do any workouts.  I would be tired too.  You have five kids?" (I am sorry Mom, but that is what he said.  And I am nothing if not completely accurate on this blog.)

I wasn't mad about it.  I am not exactly annoyed by it, more like humorously confused.  I started ruminating over some of our past conversations.  I just wanted to use the word ruminating.

Once I faked embarrassment while we were taking our shoes off that mine socks didn't match.  We were commiserating on the hardship of finding two matching socks and I said, "Seven people's worth of socks are impossible to keep on top of."  What did he think I was talking about?  Was he listening?

Another time he was admonishing me for not running faster, yadda yadda yadda, at a track workout and I responded, "I just come here to get away from my kids!"  Well it was more like, "I GRUNT just come GASP WHEEZE here to get GASP away from WHEEZE my kids."  What did he think I was talking about?  Was he even listening?  He laughed so I assume he heard me.

The workout feedback he requires we complete after workouts often includes things like, "I would have liked to swim the other 500 meters, but I had to pick up a kid up from school, take one to art, and take one to the doctor to get a Polly Pocket shoe extracted from her nose."  Does he even read the logs he insists I keep?  (Does he not read my blog?)

Sigh.

I am not going to fire him again.  He is knowledgeable and I have shown improvement.  The Coach is disappointed by this decision.  He was still hoping to have a reason to beat him up.
I am not even really trying to complain about the fact that he does not remember me or more specifically my situation.
I just am wondering, "Does he ever listen?"
If not he is missing out on my number one excuse for any failure in my life including, but not limited to, a messy house, late grading, forgetting friend's birthdays and running slowly.

Are there people in your life like this?  Do you do this?  Do I?  (I guess you wouldn't know.  Unless I have done it to you that is.) 

The Grocery Store Ruined My Day

The day started off just fine.  It was the last Monday of the school year.  A rest day so I got to sleep clear until 5:30 am instead of working out before the crack of dawn.  The kids got into the car without fuss.   I had all the required flavors of Pop Tarts.  Things were looking good for a Monday morning.
After work I headed to the grocery store to do the grocery shopping.   An hour later I parked my cart behind two others at the check out.  No problems.  I appreciated the rare joy of shopping alone without Shaye cussing out strangers and Tayte asking repeatedly for gum.  The manager waved me over to an empty lane and my day took in instant downward spiral into a stress induced race against the clock.
I was in check out purgatory.  The lady ringing me up said she hadn't checked in twenty years.  It kinda showed.  I smiled patiently as she tried six different numbers for my red onion.  There was really no point in rushing her since Methuselah was sacking the groceries and he was in no hurry.  I snatched the dog food, milk, and some other items off the belt and threw them in the cart unbagged to speed up the process.  I felt sorry for my now rushed self, but not as sorry as I felt for the lady who got in line behind me with only six cases of Coke.  Finally I escaped.  Thank goodness Methuselah didn't insist on helping me out with my bags.  I began to cart my now melting ice cream out to the car.

On the way to the car a nice lady alerted me that I had dropped my industrial size package of toilet paper.  I had to abandon my cart and go back for that.
Once in the car I started reviewing my receipt.  My grocery budget was off by about forty bucks!  I found only one problem.  I was charged for a 9.00 book of stamps I didn't buy.   I trudged back in and got the whole nine bucks back!

I made the rounds to pick up the babies, and Ty.  For some reason this child still can't seem to figure out how to get a ride from the parental unit WHO WORKS AT THE SAME SCHOOL HE ATTENDS.

As soon as I drove up to the house. The Coach left to do some (made up) coaching responsibility.  I tried to put the groceries up, but Ty and Tanner eat them as fast I can empty the bags.  The babies themselves went through a Popsicle an fruit snack pouch each.  I found as I was unloading that Methuselah had tied a tight, tight knot in each and every grocery sack.  I guess he could read my mind and that was payback for my mental grumbling.
I got the groceries put up.
The band uniform ironed.
I complimented Saigie's new Bible. (Sweet Aunt bought it for her because she accepted Christ last week.)
I loaded all the kids back into the car to take to art class and band concert.
Right when we got to the point of no return where the next highway exit is far far away Tanner realized he didn't actually have his horn.  For a band concert.
Turned around.
Headed out again.
Finally dropped Saige off at art. Ten minutes late.
At this point both Tayte and Shaye started screaming incessantly in the back seat.
Ty flipped through annoying songs on his ipod/car radio.
I found the place to drop Tanner off . Fifteen minutes late.
With a deep sigh I headed home.
My phone rang.
It was the receptionist at the art class.
She needed to inform me there wasn't actually art class today. 
I turned around.
I blame Methuselah.

I did make it home and I did cook dinner.
I also realized I forgot corn.  I guess it is back to the store today as it is an essential ingredient in corn chowder. I will try to avoid Methuselah and his wife. 
:)

What is your least favorite thing about grocery shopping?

Talk the Talk

Shaye Baby is 21 months old this month.  So far she can say a few words that I understand and a few words in what can only be French*.  I don't speak French so I have no idea what she is saying.

When Ty was a baby he started saying a handful of words at ten months.  He had to for self preservation.  I was 24 and most of my baby knowledge had been gained from books.  The books said to talk to the baby all the time describing everything thing you were doing.  Since I kept up a steady stream of conversation Ty had to learn to talk (and drive so he could go to the store and purchase some ear plugs.)

Tanner was fourteen months when he got tubes in his ears.  For a week after that he gasped in suprise when his toys made a noise and he started talking shortly thereafter.

I don't remember when exactly Saige started talking.  But I do remember it seemed like she started talking in complete sentences.  I don't remember her doing any baby talk.  One day at dinner she was telling my dad about a doll the boys had ripped the head off.  My dad asked her how it died.  In dramatic fashion she grabbed her neck and said, "Like this! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" 

So with the first three I never worried about talking.

With the next two though I did which is strange because generally I worry LESS about these two realizing babies are durable!

Tayte was about 18 months when I mentioned to the doctor I didn't think his talking was up to par.  (Of course by that time I had quit reading any baby books and really couldn't tell you how many words he was supposed to be saying.) The doctor suggest I wait until his 24 month check up and see if he had progressed.  Finally he started saying words.  I am pretty sure his first word was, "water".  In fact it was the only word he said for about  a month.  If we were driving and saw a lake, pond, ditch, or puddle he would excitedly scream out, "WAAAATEEEER!" for the next four or five miles.  It was like riding around in a mini-van with Helen Keller.  Now he keeps up a steady stream of conversation from the time he jumps out of bed fully energized at 6:00 am until he crashes into bed at 8:00 pm.

I just started last weekend wondering about Shaye.  At 21 months it seems like she should be saying more than:

Mom

 Daddy

 ball

 Ty

 bad dog

 On the other hand she clearly understands everything I say.  I know because when I tell her to do something she laughs and does the exact opposite!

There are several things she uses the same words for and I decided based on her pronunciation of baby (bebe) she is French. (Thanks Joann for helping me come to this conslusion.)

*I also decided she was French based on her behavior. She has many stereotypical French characteristics.  She likes good food.  She is stylish.  She only wants to bathe twice a week and she is snotty to strangers.  (Oh I am just kidding.  I came across a website listing stereotypes of different countries.)

Have there been any areas of your kids' developement you have worried about unnecessarily?  Any strange first words?  Anyone have some French tapes I can borrow?

Dick and Jane and Randomness

I haven't been reading much lately.  Pre blog I used to average about five books a week.  Post blog I have read three books so far in 2011.  (The Time Traveler's Wife, Taking Lottie Home, and some chick lit I can't remember the title of.) (What is the proper way to denote a major work of fiction now that underlining means it is a website?  Anyone?)
I miss reading and recently realized I need to resume.  My dad lent me a Ken Follet book.  It is a work of fiction set in the time period around World War I.  (My students think I am so "cute" for reading this in my leisure time.  Hello?  I teach U.S. History.)

Wow.  Maybe I should have eased back into reading with a light romance, or maybe a short story. 

I began reading it on Saturday and am now on page 270.   The plot just started to roll after 200 pages of lengthy, but very interesting character introduction. 

I woke up Monday with sore arms and I couldn't figure out why.  I don't lift during the racing season.  I finally realized I had been lying on my back reading the book outside and my triceps were sore.  I bet that book weighs about fifteen pounds.  It is kind of like leisure reading and a workout all at the same time.

My dad thought I was on to something and suggests that in future I tape a barbell to all my reading material. 

I came in late from track workout last night and thought I would read a little while I ate dinner.  My oldest was sitting next to me doing homework and three out of the remaining four were in bed.  I figured it was a good time to read without being interrupted by people who can't reach anything they need or who want me to chase them.  I was wrong.  Ty continually started telling me long stories about this and that which ultimately had no point. 

I finally said, "Ty.  What does it mean to you when a person is quiet and looking at the open pages of a book?"  
His reply, "You have to read, but you would like a distraction." 

No.

When I started falling asleep last night I tried to toss the tome onto my nightstand.  My night stand fell over.  I now have to have Dad reinforce it. (Not really.)

Pre blogging I used to carry around a small notebook with the names of all the books I wanted to read in it.  Sometimes I had a list of over fifty titles I would look for at the used book store.  Currently I have two or three lists of two or three books and I can never find the lists. 
Do you have a system for keeping up with books you want to read?

Summer will be here in just 22 short days, not that I am counting.  I plan to resume my library and reading habits so I would like to know from you what is the single BEST book you have read lately?  (Just so you know I do not read fantasy, or sci fi.  I just can't hack it, but if you think you have read one that is phenomenal I might try it.  Maybe.)
Also, has blogging affected your reading habits?

Sleeping Arrangments

Opposites Attract?
You bet they do.

The Coach and I are completely opposite in the areas of
Finance
Sense of humor  (Mine is fine.  His is that of a ten year old boy.  A socially misfit ten year old boy.)
Movie tastes
Sleeping Arrangements

This last one is by far the most distressing since basically people sleep every night and those other things only get brought up every so often.  (Although I am always funny.)

I think an acceptable bed time is 9:00.
He thinks an acceptable bed time is 1:00 am.

I stay up until 10:00 because I HATE to go to bed alone.
He goes to bed at 10:00 because if he doesn't I pout.  Then when he wakes me up a a cold woosh of covers at 1:00 I pout incoherently.  Then when he tries to get "some" pointing out that I am already awake (how else could I be pouting incoherently) I may become livid and not be able to go back to sleep.  But I will still not be in the mood for "some".

He thinks it would be cool to have a t.v. in the bedroom.
No.

He listens to his i-pod all night.
I snore.  LOUDLY.  (But in a very ladylike manner.)

He likes it COLD.
Therefore as I have discussed before I sleep in long pajama pants, a hoodie, and knee socks.
He thinks I should wear sexy jammies.
I think it is COLD.

He thinks he should get half of the bed as well as half of the covers. 
I say that if a person turns on not one, but TWO fans in the bedroom he obviously doesn't need any blankets and I will need the extra room on the mattress for shivering.

He thinks I should shower in between working out and going to bed.
(Ha.  Just kidding.  I do that.  Most of the time.)

I think that a nice "mood enhancer" is some cuddling or neck kissing.  Maybe reintroducing himself after baseball season.
He thinks a nice "mood enhancer" is turning off the fans before I come to bed. 

What are you and your "other" opposite on?

My Dog is Dumb

And I am not just saying that because the whole neighborhood saw my underwear.

Clem is a Golden Retriever.  She is a sweetheart.

She lets kids ride her and she cleans up the kitchen floor.  That is her best trick.

My dad trained hunting dogs for a while and it is his motto that a dog is always learning something even if the owner isn't meaning to teach it something.

Apparently Clem somehow learned running away is fun.

Early on I tried to teach her not to leave the house even if the door was wide open.  This is possible.  My dad's dog would not leave the house unless someone told her, "Ok."  I was diligently teaching Clem this, but sometimes when I was getting gum out of someone's baseball pants, or taking a hair dryer out of a sink full of water children opened the door and Clem went out it.

In our old neighborhood she was rewarded by ten or twelve elementary school kids chasing her around.  They would chase her round and round the block and then three or four of the kids with the most endurance would show up on our porch with a smiling Clem.  If I could read Clem's mind I would bet she was saying, "Look. I brought you all these kids.  You like kids.  I am a good dog.  Good dog!" 

Apparently all those kids chasing her was positive reinforcement because now when she gets out she is ready for a chase.  She won't ever try to run away.  If I turned around and went back in the house she would  just lie on the front lawn and wait for someone to come by.  Hopefully someone who would chase her.

Yesterday when I got home and opened the garage door she came barrelling out of the garage.  I didn't realize someone had put her in there because of a possible storm.

Side note - Apparenetly we also taught her that she would be safe in a storm if she hoisted her 65 pound self up on top of the first dining room table I have ever owned. and ran back and forth on it leaving claw marks down the length of it.  Yes.  That will protect her from a storm.  For sure

Back to the issue, the best method in the new neighborhood for catching Clem is to chase her around the block on the bike until she gets tired and then she will gladly let herself be leashed.   I hopped on Tanner's Mongoose and went after her wearing my work clothes, a wrap dress and three inch pumps.  It looked like a storm was coming.  I had to go catch her, because she didn't have any access to a dining room table and therefore would be totally unprotected in the event of a storm.  It was very windy. 

Another side note - What is with the Texas wind lately?  It is brutal. (That was not a complaint.  If it is not cold I am not complaining.)

The good news is I was wearing girl boxers.  The bad news is everyone in the neighborhood knows I was wearing girl boxers.  ARGH.  I was hoping to make it a few weeks before I exposed myself again.

Oh who am I kidding.  I would rather play chase than be ridden too.

What weird things does your pet do?

Randomness

1.  I think Shaye's recent nose incident may be hereditary.  Earlier today I went to get a bunch of sharpened pencils so my students could take a scantron test.  (Remember those?) I dropped one and when I bent to pick it up I hit my elbow on the door frame.  The upward motion of my arm and the simultaneous downward motion of my head presented the opportunity to shove several freshly sharpened pencils up my nose.  Seriously.  I had to wipe pencil marks off of my nose for the next ten minutes.

2.  Last night I went to watch The Coach's baseball game.  He was very cute in his uniform and his team clenched the district title.  Every time I walk up into the stands at a game the same parent says the same thing, "We have to stop talking about the coach now."  He does NOT smile when he says it.  Can anyone suggest a comeback?

3.  The babies have renewed their efforts to never be more than two feet from me.  As a result of my clumsiness (see #1) I am constantly tripping over them, knocking them down, and stepping on their feet while I try to do laundry, cook dinner, and sweep. This week I decided to put an end to this clingyness and teach them to play without me.  I have been sitting on the porch reading a book refusing to play with them.  They have all their toys out there and they just stand and stare at me.  I am not getting any reading done and they are not getting much playing done.

4.  On the training front I noticed the other day that it seems just when I start to add up all the reasons I should quit: Soreness, old age, waking up early, lack of speed, expense, time, laziness, unclipping right on the bike and falling over to the left - I do something that renews my hope like run an easy two mile loop and then when I get home realize I ran that easy 2.2 mile loop in under twenty minutes. Then I can't wait to run again.

5. I officially got laid off of my summer school job.  Yeah and Boo.  Yeah because I can be vacation mom  for the summer and go to the pool and insist everyone take a nap and have a messy house and no way to escape from the children.  Boo because as I mentioned yesterday The Coach and I are going on a cruise this summer and The Coach has already told me we don't have enough money in the budget to pay for my wine, so I have to save up my own booze money.  Ludicrous.

Yeah.  I got nothing.  What you got?

Soccer it to Him

Have I written about Tayte lately?  I can't remember.  He is three now which is the age soccer starts here. He is so stinking cute if I do say so myself.

His pants are too big.  And his shirt.  Plus his socks.

He seems to think this is the correct starting position even though no one else on his team does it this way.

He is having fun with other three and four year old boys.  It sure is easy to pick out that paper white skin, and red hair in the crowd.

He invites everyone we see to his soccer game.  Even if we don't know the person.  So far he has invited the drive thru guy at McDonalds, the cashier in Target, and the officer who pulled me over for a ticket.  (Oh I am just kidding.  I didn't get a ticket!)

He has not scored yet, but he has not cried either which at this age is a GOAL!

What are your kids up to?