Decor Danger

I am going to have to reassess my previous notions of the most dangerous job in the world.  It may be decorating.  My mom and I embarked on a simple project this week.  We wanted to change this plain, blank wall into a decorated wall.  Easy enough huh?

First I spent a couple of hours going through old pictures on Snapfish and ordering 8x10s in black and white.  The next day I went and picked them up and then I visited three different Hobby Lobby stores to procure 14 frames.  I chose black "floating" ones.  Mom and I figured if we put some colored art paper behind the picture it would serve as a mat at half the cost.  Plus since the frames were on sale for half price they were only five dollars each.  What a bargain. Unfortunately every time I go into Hobby Lobby I find some other decor item that I NEED, so really no money was saved.

For example, isn't this pillow adorable?

Day three of this project we sent the kids for a  nap and assembled the pictures.  (After a fifth trip to the store to exchange the art paper for the correct color of art paper.)

When I snapped this picture my mom told me NOT to put her on my blog.

Sorry Mom.

Pictures matted.

Finally we got to actually hang a picture.

All was going well until we got to the part of the wall I couldn't reach.  How DO those decorators get so high?  Books?  They helped me reach to hang one or two pictures.

But this was a better solution.

 Yes.  This project involved hanging upside down from the second floor.  Professional decorators must be limber!!

I told my mom I could no longer feel my feet.  She said, "My Lord, Heather.  I didn't know your feet weren't on the floor!" This is the same woman who says, "My Lord, Heather why can't you work out at the gym like normal people?"  I love her.

We were in the home stretch when I decided I could put a ladder up on the books I had stacked to reach that empty space there that was too high from the stairs and too low from the upstairs.  The lladder balanced on books on the stairs didn't work. While I was retreating down the stairs with the ladder I knocked over the broom (I may have used that broom earlier to sweep up glass when I dropped a picture from upstairs and it shattered.  I had purchased an extra frame just for such a circumstance.)

Back to the broom.

It landed on the remaining two pictures and then I stepped on it.  Of course the glass on the pictures broke.  Ugh.

I didn't have two more extra frames.

So this is where we ended yesterday.  I will make yet a sixth trip to Hobby Lobby to get two more frames.

Tomorrow I will prevail.

What kind of projects do you have going on?  Do you have a picture wall, or do you think they are lame??  And finally the last question.  How long do you think it will take all the kids to realize Tanner got featured on the wall one more time than the rest of them?

Week One!

I thought this summer I would work on my blog and really write enjoyable stories about my family and capture pictures to fulfill the scrapbook part of this blog.

Ha!

Instead I have been reduced to doing what I am doing right now, hiding out silently in the study while dinner burns so no one will realize I am doing something for myself.  If they realize it all hell will break loose.  Someone will hurt themselves.  Someone else will spill something and inevitably someone will need the computer urgently.
So be very quiet while I quickly fill you in on our week.

Tayte rode a horse and got a trophy at his soccer party!!

We have eaten multiple Popsicles on the front porch.  Yes.  Popsicles must be eaten in the partially nude.  That's the rule.

I promise I really do put clothes on Shaye Baby in the summer.

Saige is lucky to have a little brother and sister so she can enjoy "baby" things under the guise of helping them!

We found this water park to walk to Wednesday night while Ty and Tanner are at church.  It took Tayte  a while to get get brave, but they finally did.  Tayte was so cute explaining this to Ty.  He told him, "Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me."



And finally we have been enjoying the first fruits of The Coach's vegetable garden.  He has planted zucchini, beans, tomatoes, peppers, onions and lettuce.  So far just the tomatoes have been ready.

So we accomplished some goals.  I took pictures.  (It looks like it may be the last week for that since someone - Shaye Baby - stole the SIM card from the computer and hid it somewhere.  I think her goals this summer is to drive me insane.)  We went to parks and we relaxed.  I read two books and I am in the middle of two.
I think we have reached our nutritional goals and our Forced Family Fun goals.

My totals for the week were.
Run: 19.55 miles
Bike: 59.57 miles
Swim: 4200 meters
weights: 1x

I did not meet the yoga goals with the football and volleyball workouts the kids had.  Maybe this week!!

Aren't you proud of me?  Say you are proud of me.
Just kidding of course.

I am fixna to pour a glass of wine now and try to catch up with some of y'all!!

Is it summer for you?  How is it going? OR How much longer do you have to wait?
What is your favorite local word?  Mine is "fixna".

3 More Days

There are three days left of school.
Due to the budget cuts in Texas schools I was laid off of my summer job.
The Coach and I discussed it and decided it would be more profitable for me to just not work this summer.

For the first time in six years I am going to be a stay at home mom!  (For the summer.)

One of the great things about teaching is the multiple opportunities a year to make or revamp goals.   This is convenient because I have long given up on the goals I made for New Years.  Last year my summer goal was to visit new and different parks.  It was a pretty slacker goal, but we moved twice last summer and I worked summer school.

 (Sniff.  Look at Shaye Baby so little last summer.)

Here are some of my goals for the family this summer.

Better nutrition.  We have fallen into some bad habits here towards the end of the year like Pop Tarts and cokes.  I told the kids we would be sugar free this summer.  That is probably stretching things a bit, but we will try to reduce the junk.  (The older three claim they are going to live with their dad.  Ha!)

Exercise.  Because it is Africa hot here it is hard to get out and romp around during the day, but without multiple sports during the summer we should be able to return to Forced Family Fun in the evenings.

 Here is one of our past "fun" efforts!  Again The Coach would like to remind everyone his tumbler is full of Tom Collins. (Look at Tayte.  He was a BABY!)

 The Coach and I got bikes for Mother's Day, so we can cruise around the neighborhood in style.



Scheduling.  If I don't watch it the kids will be watching cartoons all day while I blog clean up the kitchen five times after each kid eats.  My plan is to go out while it is bearable and get the babies tired enough for a nap.  A rule I always stick to is that breakfast ends at 9:00  After that the kids have to wait until lunch to eat.  Tanner is usually the last one up and has to sprint to the kitchen like O.J. Simpson in an airline commercial to make the deadline.

Tan Man's cute self will be denied breakfast if he can't get downstairs after the kitchen has been cleaned.


Also important in the scheduling area is my workouts.  I will get to sleep late compared to the school year, but I still need to get up early to do the workouts before the oppressive heat sets in.  Plus a big goal is to get to yoga class a couple of times a week. 

Obviously I need to work on my yoga since this is the only pose I know!

And finally I need to take more pictures of this patriotic baby!!  All of them really.  I haven't been as good about it as I should be lately. Just one more thing they will need therapy for one day.

Got any goals or plans this summer?
Got any advice on keeping my sanity with five kids at home for the summer?

Mother's Day Goals

My goals for Mother's Day are:
1. To sleep late without anyone bringing me breakfast.
2. Rake in a lot of gifts. 

Kidding of course.

I have a race Mother's Day morning so I will not be sleeping late.  I would like to get up and drag all the kids and The Coach to the race with me, but we have a logistical problem.  Five kids, two adults, a bike and a double stroller don't all fit in the Armada.  I could drive a separate car, but I don't drive so well and it's early, plus that would be irresponsible gas usage.
This race is a super sprint so it is fairly short - a 200 meter swim, 8 mile bike, and a 2 mile run.  I did pretty well last year, but I was slowed down by the two minutes it took me to get my helmet on.  (Thanks whichever kid was messing with my helmet the day before.)
This is the first triathlon I ever competed in back in 2008.  It is nice to see that all that working out has paid off and I can actually almost sprint the entire race when my previous goal used to just be lurching across the finish line so I could have a Coke. (And a donut, who am I kidding?)

Last year I did the race in 57:24.5.
I am going to go out on a limb here and put forth a goal time. 
54.00

Whew.  I wasn't nervous until I actual wrote that down. Now I am a wreck.  I think that is going to be a real stretch.

Here are some things that may work against me.
1. Swim - It is unusually rough in Lake Houston this time of year.  The first year I did the race ladies were having to be pulled out right and left.  (Their screams for help made it really hard to concentrate.)
2. Wind - It has been REALLY WINDY here lately.  I fail to understand how I can go for a ride and be against the wind both out and back. 

Here are some things I have going for me.
1.  I have been riding in the wind a couple of times a week so hopefully I am used to it.
2. I have been doing way more speed work than I have at any other time in my triathlon training, so I am thinking an under 20 minute run is possible.  I will keep telling myself I gave birth to five kids, surely I can run fast for twenty minutes.  (Right?)
3. I know to check my helmet before I leave transition.

So that is my goal.  Barring that I hope I at least do better than last years time.  It would be discouraging to do all these workouts and then not be any better off than I was last year. 
Regardless it will be fun.   My in-laws are in town and they are going to come watch the race.  My Sweet MIL says she will take some pictures.  I am pretty sure there won't be any pictures of other women's boobs on my camera when she is done.

What are your Mother's Day plans?
(And........Ya got any triathlon tips for a sista?)

Snippity B

Yesterday I called for a vote on who should write about the tri coach firing/rehiring saga.  Those resilient folks who read my entire post claimed they wanted to hear both sides.  So.  Here it is.  My husband wrote this.  I interjected as needed.

As you may know, my wife has hired a triathlon coach.  I don't ask questions........I just tell her,  "Yes." whenever she wants something.  I think there may have been three times in the history of our relationship I've told her that she can't do something.

I am sorry.  I cannot write for laughing SO HARD.  Three times?  I am not saying the obsessive  over protectiveness is not sweet I am just saying, The Coach has a plethora of rules.

We vacationed to Hawaii when she was eight months pregnant, I told her she couldn't climb to the top of Diamond Head.
So there we were climbing to the top of Diamond Head.  We got about halfway up.  You would think I would have been concerned that she would go into labor.  Nope, all I was thinking, while trailing her and mentally writing my last will and testament was,  "Please don't slip and fall", because I don't think I would have survived her landing on me.

Really funny, Girl Scout Cookie Boy.

We ended up turning around and going back down.  We definitely got some crazy looks from people on the trail as we were retreating.  I just kept telling everyone that the mental hospital called and I had to get her back.  We couldn't be late.

The only other time I remember telling her no, when she wanted me to buy a pair of chaps.  After I picked my jaw up from the floor and looked in the mirror at my fat a$$.  My response was, "I'm not in the Village People. I'm not gay. I like women. Are you wishing I was gay. Do I need to hire a "pinch hitter" to wear some chaps for you?  Are you out of your f*$#^%@ mind!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?"

The Pioneer Woman's husband wears chaps.  I am just saying.  I wasn't imagining my husband gay.  I was imagining  him a cowboy.  Hello?

 Back to my point.  About 95% of the time my wonderful, loving, awesome, hot ass wife gets what she wants.  Seriously, she does a great job taking care of the kids and being the mom and dad during baseball season, so I have no problem with her getting her way most of the time.  Maybe I've spoiled her, I really don't know, BUT she now (not all the time, but most of the time) thinks that she must get her way with everyone!

I whole heartedly agree with the first part of this paragraph.  I'll have to give the second part some thought. 

For example this coach she hired (I hate him.......can't stand him.......would punch him right in the lips if I ever saw him........would pee in his gatorade before a race if I had that chance.)  I've never even met the guy.  I'm a coach, it's my job, I know how to coach and help my players.  This guy isn't a coach, he's some weenie with ears that writes triathlon programs, puts on races, and take people's money while being lazy.  He's worthless.  Heather would be better off getting reading tips from Stevie Wonder or taking babysitting tips from Michael Jackson.

Why wouldn't he have ears?  Don't we all have ears?
He has been helpful. but I didn't feel I was getting my moneys worth.  I did not sign up to be on a team.  If I were able to do that kind of rigid schedule I would still be wetting my pants at step class. 

Heather was all ready to fire him after this last race - you know the one with the 27 trips to the "port-a-shitter".

I went twice.

I was excited.  She was going to do it over email.  I was actually hoping that he would pop off to her in his reply and give me a reason to drive to his office and pimp slap his scrawny ass.
She emailed him and told him she was letting him go and his services were no longer needed.  I wanted to write the email.  She wouldn't let me (something about harrassment and jail time.)  He replied back, and Heather forwarded that to me.  I read it and laughed.  I also read her reply to him.  Then I walked out of the dugout at my game, called her and told her that she was a real snippity b!%^h in that email.

Her response was classic.  WELL.......I WAS TRYING TO BE!!!!!!"  I said to myself, "Self, at least you aren't the only one getting the royal treatment."  I would never say that to her.  She would pee in my Post Toasties in the morning.  I did tell her that if that was her goal, she most definitely accomplished it.

(My husband doesn't eat Post Toasties.  I would never TRY to be a Snippity B. to him.)


The tri coach had two main issues with the firing.
1. It was a shame I hadn't actually done a race before I quit so I could accurately assess the benefits of his training.
2. If I was unhappy why didn't I say something sooner so he could fix the problem?

I had two responses.
1.  I DID do a race the previous weekend.  His race.  He SAW me.  I went on to say that the fact he didn't seem to know who I was despite our repeated meetings was most definitely part of the problem.
2.  Fair enough.  I let him know that he does not communicate with me.  His services promise weekly progress reports.  I didn't get ANY.  I don't need to pay another person for the privilege of nagging them.  Furthermore I have better things to do than to log all my workouts so that I can get no feedback.  I told him I didn't hire him to attend scheduled groups workouts exclusively and he felt that was the crux of the program then we just weren't a good fit.
I went on to tell him if he thought he could fix those things I would continue service with him.  

Ultimately he did agree that he had not given me the attention I deserved and he outlined his plan to correct the situation.


In the end I got home from my game last night and we talked.  She didn't end up firing him.  She kept him on for another month.  I can't believe it.......actually.......I can.  I told her to give him another chance and maybe he'd make some changes.  If not, she can fire him next month and I might still get my chance to break him in half.

This post seems to have different points for each of us. 
The Coach's point - I am spoiled.  I can be a snippity B.  He wants to beat up someone.

My point - I should not have assumed  the tri coach could read my mind. (Why DO men have such a hard time with that?)  People sometimes deserve a second chance.  (Hopefully they won't need a third. )

Now I've Done It

I have gone and hired a triathlon coach. (Excitement. Excitement.  Yeah.  Yeah!)

First he told I had too many races on my schedule so I had to eliminate some.  Ok.  I have only eliminated one.  I have some decisions to make.

Then he suggested athletic testing.  I was supposed to go last Friday, but because of the blizzard of 2011, I had to reschedule.  This is supposed to help me get into the proper workout zone for........

The increased number of workouts he has planned.  Scary workouts that involve things like lactic threshold and an "easy" zone two run. (I have yet to figure out how to run and remain in zone two.  Maybe less spastic arm movements and hip displacing juts?  I am open to suggestions.) I am leaving behind the days of six workouts a week and headed to the days of nine workouts a week.   These workouts include drills and zones and weights.  Weights?!  Hopefully I am also leaving behind the days of coming in lastish!  We will see.  (Someone should clue this dude in though.   If I die, he won't get paid.)


Pictures of the half marathon just arrived in my in box.

Bad doesn't even begin to describe it.

I look like I am in the middle of the Bataan Death March instead of a 13.1 mile run. 

Don't laugh.

Ok.  Go ahead.

There is a lady who runs some of the same triathlons as I do.  She wears a full and complete coating of waterproof make up.  I think I may ask her for some tips.

Next time.  (Ha!)  Maybe I will wear a hat.  And earrings.  I am sure earrings would have made all the difference.

(Do you think it is every efficient to have my arms where they are while running?  I think probably not.)

Do you think that after I train with this coach I will look like this when I finish races??

Katie Price and Peter Andre.  I don't know who these people are.  (Someone help me out here.)  But does it LOOK like they just finished a seven hour marathon??

Snapshot - Race Recap

Hi.  I am alive after the half marathon.  Just barely.

Here is the tired person version of the recap.

That is me with Sweet Aunt.  She rocked the half marathon.

Wake up time - 4:10 am
Reaction to wake up time - The Coach is nuts.
Kids in attendance - Saigie
People wearing purple - More than 253....Saigie counted until she got tired.
Pre-race Porta-Potty visits - 4.
Friends running - Shawna, my school BFF, Sweet Aunt and friend, various colleagues.
Weather - 60 degrees.  Raining.  Misty - medium rain. 98% humidity.
Outfit - New impulse purchase capris and tee.
Racers dressed as - Santa, Elvis, Ghostbuster, Gorilla, Divas.
Time - 2:31.08
Personal Assessment - Good through ten miles.  Sucked like a Hoover the last three.
Spectators - Really cool to brave rain to yell for strangers. 
Medal - Super cool.  Maybe a picture when The Coach brings my camera home.
Finisher shirt - Quite stylish, girl cut, Under Amour
Post race activity - Power nap and then steak dinner with The Coach
Body - Hurting
Thank you - The Coach for hauling us out there and standing in the rain to cheer.  You are the best.
Thoughts - I love triathlons.  I do not love half marathons.  I can say this now that I tried it.  I do not like feeling like am beat to hell all the time. I am not sure at this point if I will take this challenge on again, but who knows.  There were definitely some pros to it along with the cons.

Preparation is Key

Over at RuntotheFinish, runner, Amanda, reminded me the other day that, "Hope is not a Strategy."  With this in mind I set off to finish my half marathon preparation.  I have never participated in a half marathon before so I figured I would write down what I did this week so I can later look back at it and assess whether or not it was a  solid preparation routine.

1.  Follow a training plan to the letter for eleven weeks and THEN the week before the race don't finish a single run.  That method truly builds confidence.  Nothing says, "winner" like running 1 mile of a 12 mile training run and then going home to eat a cupcake. 

2. Which brings me to my next strategy.  Eat double the amount of junk food usually consumed in a week.  (Hey.  These are not tips  from Hal Higdon...stick with me, Baby.) Guacamole?  No problem.  Chocolate Pop-Tarts?  Bring 'em on.

3. And finally be sure to get close to no sleep at all the week before the race.  Preferably because little kids have you running upstairs two or three times a night to put them back to sleep and administer Tylenol.  (I hope it was Tylenol.  I was pretty groggy.) If that doesn't work - stay up late blogging or harassing your spouse so they can't sleep either.  Whatever works.

4. And finally....even though it is certainly going to be regrettable.  Buy new shoes two days before the race instead of a couple weeks before.  Genius.

Self-sabotage much?
The Coach keeps telling me I will be fine.  His theory being that if I can run eleven miles I can run thirteen.  I'll let you know how that theory holds up on Monday.

What are you up to this weekend?

To Half or not to Half?

  It is getting toward the end of the year and it is time for some retrospection and also for some goal setting for the next season of triathlon. 

 In 2010 I did eight races in eight months.  I did an Olympic length triathlon.  And for the first time ever I came in first....ok only in the swim let, but I was still excited to have that 1 by my name in the results.

Best Race - The Trigirl Sprint in August. 

I came in the top 1/3.  

Worst Race - TriWaco in July

My bike was the rack that got knocked over and my brake was rubbing against the bike tire the entire time.  My legs felt like rubber.  It was a 3.4M run instead of just 3 like I though and I was not prepared.  Oddly this was the race I finished first in the swim, but that is because it was a mixed (male/female) start and I felt if I didn't get out of there I was going to be killed by some crazy guy.

The most motivational race was the Olympic distance.  I am still thrilled that I managed it and even managed to run the whole way.

All of this retrospection got me thinking about what I wanted to do this season.  I started thinking about my goals and flirting with the idea of a Half Ironman.  I felt if I was already training for a half marathon at the end of January I would be halfway there.  I asked The Coach about it and of course said he would support me if that was what I wanted to do.  That was nice, but I was looking for more than that.  I needed him to balance the pros and cons with me.  He did finally.  We concluded that if I felt like I wanted to do a HALF I needed to do it at the beginning of the summer and not the end.  That way I wouldn't have to be all obsessive during vacation time.  Also it would help in that I could some days leave the kids at the sitters while I got my workout in instead of trying to arrange child care during the summer when I don't have a sitter.
And maybe more importantly.....it wouldn't be Africa hot here yet.

I think my ultimate decision though is this:  I don't want to.
I enjoy training for races.  I think if I moved up to this length I would no longer enjoy it. 

I don't want to train for a HALF and run one just to say I did.  

I still want to do triathlons.  I would like to do more.  I would like to do another Olympic length or two.  

I would like to consistently finish in the top third or fourth of the field.  I would like to NEVER run over a ten minute mile again.  (Do you hear me Santa?)

I explained to coach this was the more expensive option.  He said that we would work it out.  (Isn't he awesome?)  Although I am not ready to state a goal at this moment for the number of triathlons I will do this year I am glad to made a decision on the half so I don't have to think about it any more.

Thoughts?
What do you have planned for 2011?  Tell me - even if it is not running related.

365 Days

Over the weekend I had an accomplishment that got me very excited.
Then I turned philosophical.  That hardly ever happens.
Not to take anything away from accomplishment, but it shouldn't be a surprise I improved at something I practiced at a few times a week for a year.

A whole year can make a big difference.

I started making a mental list of all the other activities I have ever tried and then been cruddy at.  It is a long list.  And for the most part that is fine with me.  It doesn't bother me I was never a good hunter.  I can live with the fact that making my mom's goulash edible seems to be an elusive skill for me.  I now realize though that if I practiced ANY of the things on the list 3-5 days a week for 20-90 minutes I would be good at them. Or at least suck at less. Duh.  (That is how I struggled my way up to running as far as I can now.) I am now wondering why it took me till I was nearly forty to learn this.

Here are some things I have always longed to be capable of.  I have a smidgen of a background in these areas.  I wouldn't just be starting from scratch.  I would be starting from suck.  See I am 1/10 of the way there.

*Speak a foreign language.
If I practice Spanish for a year I think I could almost butcher the language in a conversational way.  I have always been envious of my students who speak multiple languages.

*Crochet.
If I were to crochet three to five times a week I could probably actually make something other than a triangular pot holder that was really supposed to be square.  Maybe I could make a scarf or a blanket...a small blanket.

*Play the piano, or the violin.
I love the violin and I did briefly take lessons as an adult.  Raising two rambunctious preschoolers at that time did make it difficult to find time to practice. Surely though I could find twenty minutes a day now (that I have FIVE kids.)

*Read the Bible the whole way through.
Every year I set out to do this and although I do get a little further each year I have not yet been successful.  I am sure if I read twenty minutes a day I could accomplish this.

*Write better.  I love to write and really give it a real attempt yet .  The whole point of this blog was to actually write for an audience, not to just publish pictures of my kid eating dog food. Maybe my writing would improve if  I really tried to actually write in a sophisticated manner....like in the third person even. 

It is not realistic to think I am accomplish ALL this stuff in a year so I guess I am going to have to prioritize and pick one to focus one, maybe two depending on what I choose. 

How about you? Do you have a goal?  Or better yet have you already accomplished a goal?  How did you manage to accomplish it?

Boobies, Babies and a Blog

My Mad Mind