You are My Sunshine

One of Tayte's very favorite songs.  So cute.
I was rewarded by Rory at Mom's Time Out .  
Her blog is a great Canadian blog where you can truly get a time out!!
Thanks Rory.

I am supposed to tell you something about myself and then choose others to receive the award.

I am racking my rain here to think of something to tell you, but unfortunately I have told you everything.
How I would rather my daughter fold clothes than do homework.
I am allergic to everything including latex.  Go ahead make jokes about the number of kids  have.  Everyone else does.
You already know I am my mom's favorite.

Shees. I really should have paced myself.

Oh.  Here I thought of something.
When I was little I thought monsters lived under my bed, but not just any monsters.  Ankle-less monsters.  And since they had none...they wanted mine.  So for two or three years I always got in bed by taking a running start and jumping up into that four poster bed from a as many feet away as I could to save my ankles.  Getting out of bed in the morning was no problem because of course they monsters only come out at night.

So there.  Now you know.  I was a crazy kid.

I am supposed to pick ten blogs to pass this award on to, but ten seems overwhelming so in true Heather fashion I will just do nothing and say that I enjoy all the blogs I read so check some out on my list over yonder!!

Thanks Again Rory!!

Question - Did you have any strange childhood imaginings?

Once Upon a Time

It is summer time and I am reminded of Single Parent Vacation.  This is a vacation sponsored by the church for single parents and their kids. 
I went on the vacation two different summers.

The first time I took part the group was headed to a Dude Ranch in Bandera, Texas.  I got the kids ready and we drove three hours to get there.  We had a blast. We ate roasted marshmallows, and rode horses.  The kids swam in the pool and played horseshoes. There were Bible Studies that I to this day remember as being very valuable to me.  Especially at that time.

One day toward the end of the vacation the activity for the day was a river tubing trip.  You know the type. Tubers sit in an inflatable inner tube and lazily float down the river. No problem. 

I had three kids at the time.  Saige was probably 3, Tanner 5, and Ty 8.  They were adorable.  I embarked on the journey.  There were other families tubing and one nice father of three offered to help us.  I told him I had it under control.  (I sometimes have a slight problem asking for or accepting help.  Unless I need my mom's help.  Then I have no problem at all!  Thanks Mom!) I got Ty and Tanner in their tubes and put Saigie on my lap.  .

We got into the water and started our relaxing float. The group was inching further and further away from us.  I tried to get the kids to paddle a little to catch up, but you can probably figure out how well that worked.  I wasn't to worried. I could still see the group and I felt confident that someone would eventually wait for me.  About ten minute later I heard Tanner hollering from behind me.  He had managed to get stuck on some tree roots sticking out of the bank of the river.  We were getting further and further from him.  I hollered for someone ahead to help me, but no one heard. I hopped out of my tube and swam to Ty.  I placed Saigie on his lap and I hooked my tube to his feet.  I gave him instructions. "Do not move for any reason at all.  Hold your sister.  Do not move." 

I swam against the current and fetched Tanner in probably the only twenty feet of river that was over my head.  I pulled him back to where Ty had floated.  While I was gone Saigie had lost her shoes.  Thank God Ty did exactly what I said and didn't move for any reason.  I rounded up the shoes.  Got Saigie back on my lap and continued to float on.

I didn't think that much about for the rest of the float.  That night I laid in bed and thought about the day.  I was overcome with cold chills.  I had put my baby in the lap of my eight year old and left them?  In a river that was clearly over their heads?  They could have drowned.  Both of them.   I was breathless from the thoughts of what could have happened.

Even now I am wondering.  Why didn't I pull Ty and Saige with me back to get Tanner?  Why weren't they wearing life jackets?  What even made me think going tubing with three young kids was a good idea?

Whew.  I have to stop now, my blood pressure is rising.

Thank you God for protecting less than brilliant parents and their babies!

Do you have an harrowing experiences that keep you up at night?

Wrestling, Biting, and Innocent Baptists

It never ceases to amaze me how I can pile embarrassment upon embarrassment on myself until it threatens to topple over into a humiliating heap.

My Sister in Law and her husband both work at a Baptist Church here in town.  They are very sweet and live a sweet, non-embarrassing life.  They have four boys in elementary school.  The Cousins are great fun and a constant source of companionship to Tanner.  I went over the other day to clarify a text message from Sweet Aunt. (I have revived the toilet diving phone, but I can only see half the screen.) Sweet Aunt wasn't home, but Kind Uncle was. Tanner was already there (he seems to think they have taken him to raise.)  The Cousins and he were taking turns wrestling under the officiating eye of Kind Uncle.  His parents, ministers of a small Baptist Church in Kansas, were looking on with the proper amount of slight, tame interest.

I however was getting very excited.  It looked like great fun.

 I vaguely remembered having been asked (told) by The Coach to refrain from wrestling and rough housing with the boys.  He claims they are going to hurt me.  (As if...........)  I usually remember this request.  The last time I roughhoused with Ty he said, "Stop!  I am going to accidentally hurt you and then I am going to get in trouble."  So I usually remember to avoid wrestling, fighting, and so forth if not out of a sense of self-preservation, or out of  respect for The Coach's suggestions (demands) at least in an attempt to keep the boys out of trouble.

I wish this had been the case this time.

I yelled out, " I challenge Tanner!"  Because from what I had seen that seemed to be the proper protocol. Everyone laughed and I probably should have stopped right there.  Instead I actually went on to wrestle Tanner.  At least he does not weigh double what I weight like Ty does.  His twelve year old self weighs about fifteen pounds less than me which  I thought would work in my favor.  I conveniently forgot about the fact the child has wrestling practice four nights a week and spends a considerable amount of weekends at wrestling tournaments.  He knows actual wrestling moves.

We took our places.  He quickly twisted me up into a pretzel and I saw my triathlon career flash before my eyes.  I  did what any mature mom would do.  I bit him.  Apparently this is against the wrestling rules.  Everyone laughed while we continued to scuffle.

Then.

A hush fell over my four innocent nephews, my brother in law and his very proper, quiet, sheltered parents. After a sufficient amount of awkward silence I realized this episode had reached its full entertainment potential.   So I quit.   I waved a good bye to everyone and headed out to the car.

On the way out I commented to Ty I thought I had done pretty well, biting aside.
My oldest child replied, "You were doing a good job right up until your boob fell out of your shirt."
I was mortified.  I looked down and sure enough my vest was all bunched up and my bright purple bra was clearly visible.
I asked him why he hadn't SAID something.
He asked, "What did you want me to say?  Hey mom, we can all see your boob?"
YES!
That would have been helpful.
I asked him if anyone saw.
He thought for a second and said, "Kind Uncle gasped, 'Oh no!' and then he turned and looked away.  So I am thinking he did see."

(Imagine it like this.  Except for with partial nudity.)  ( I would be the one getting pummeled.)

Grrrrrr.
The worst part of this was that later I had to explain the huge bloody rug burn on my elbow to The Coach.  He just stared at me and said, "Didn't I ask you NOT to wrestle with the boys?"  Yes.

In  my defense though, he never asked that I not expose myself to all the Baptist ministers and young boys in the family in one fell swoop.

I blame Sweet Aunt.  Had she been there this would have never happened.

What is your latest/most embarrassing moment?

A Mid-Summer Day's Panic

When Saige was little she got frequent UTIs.  All of those infections culminated in several tests.  She had to have a sonogram and some other stuff and finally an x-ray type test to check the functions of her......insides?  ( I am incredibly medical aren't I?)

The last test she had to take was the summer she turned five.  I took my mom with us because I was over eight months pregnant and the test involved radiation.  I knew I would not be allowed to stay with Saige.  So my mom who is slightly handicapped, my pregnant self and my daughter and I trekked downtown in the 110 degree heat to Texas Children's Hospital.  The test was stressful for her and for me because I couldn't stay with her, but I could hear her from the hallway.

The next day it was still hot and I was still pregnant and I was out doing errands with the three kids I already had.    During the grocery store trip the kids decided we HAD to go to the library.  I agreed because it is quiet and air conditioned there it would be educational.

We ran in the house and put the groceries away and then piled back into the Womb on Wheels to head to the library which would be closing soon.

Once there we browsed for books.  Except for Tanner who isn't interested in books.  He lurked behind the computer users passing gas until he could get one to leave in disgust.  (I didn't teach him that.)  Saige and I had to use the little girls' room and while we were in there I noticed something wasn't right with Saige.  There was a mysterious stain on the leg of her underpants.  I cleaned her up and headed back to the library in a panic.  I told the kids to check out what they had immediately so we could leave.

In the parking lot I started asking Saige questions.
"Does your stomach hurt?"
"Does your back hurt?"
"How long has that underpants situation been going on?"
In my mind I was thinking something had gone wrong with the test.  Maybe her internal organs were pricked and now they were leaking???? She answered with her usual space cadet obliviousness.  Nothing hurt.  She had no fever.  She couldn't say when the problems began. 

I was headed home to call the pediatrician or the specialist we had met with.  I was debating on whether or not to drive straight to the ER.  As we were getting in the van I noticed the problem had worsened.  You have to understand the UTI episodes had been going on for over a year.  I was already worried something was horribly wrong.  I spent the day before in that children's hospital looking around at kids who were chronically and seriously ill.  I just couldn't imagine what it would be like to cope with that kind of illness in your own child.  Those parents were so strong. 
 Plus I was pregnant.  Hormones may have been a factor.

I started to clean her up.  I asked again if she was hurting.

Then I smelled.........................chocolate.

"Saige", I asked.  "Did you stick chocolate in your underpants?"

"Yup"  She replied.

It turns out she did not have a dangerous and deadly internal organ laceration during the test.  What had happened was........while I was quickly putting up groceries she was grabbing a little chocolate candy snack.  When I yelled for them to load back up without getting anything to eat my sweet daughter decided the best way to avoid having to share her purloined treat with her brothers was to stick it down her pants and save it for later
.
THEN she let me panic for ten minutes not mentioning it.

( I have since told her that chocolate must be eaten right away during a Texas summer.)

Can you imagine if I had taken her to the ER and they had had to diagnose her?

Some Things Can Never Be Lived Down

I want to tell you the end of this story first.

Here goes.

So, The Coach calls the doctor's office and nearly yells at the poor receptionist who answers the phone.  I can only hear his side of the conversation of course.

The Coach:  Hi.  My son has an appointment for next week, but is there any POSSIBLE way we can get him in earlier.  His arm smells like dead ass.

pause

The Coach:  Yes!  Dead ASS!

See what had happened was.  Ty broke his wrist.  And then it was summer and he went to spend a week with his dad.  At a beach house.  At the beach.

Did he let having a cast on his wrist stop him from surf fishing.  Oh heck no.

Ty hurt himself at baseball practice.  I got a call from the coach and after a lengthy explanation during which I am imaging a baseball to Ty's temporal lobe I finally got the point of the story.  Ty fell and needed to go to the ER because he may have broken his wrist.

Later after Ty returned home from the ER I noticed he had a sheepish look on his face.  So I asked, "Were you screwing around at practice."   He lied very poorly and said no.

Finally the story came out.

Ty was sitting on the wall of the dugout which is about four feet high.  On top of the wall was a short 2x4 that is not affixed to the wall.  There was a friend sitting to the right of him.  Ty lifted up his right butt cheek to aim gas at his friend. (Apparently this is something teen boys do.)  When he did the 2x4 tipped over and dumped him off the left end of the wall. 

Ty landed on his arm.  His reflexes may not be the quickest.

This was possibly the funniest story that I never actually got to tell people we knew.  Ty said no.
I did however tell my family.  My pesky brother has big plans to bring a whoopie cushion to the next family gathering.  He wants us to take turns sitting on it and then yelling out things like, "Ouch, my foot!"  We have low entertainment thresholds.

He did say I could write about the story since he figures there aren't many of your blog readers he actually knows.  So now you know...........my son broke his wrist farting.  Truly amazing.

 I went ahead and linked up.  One day I will talk about memories that do not revolve around injuries.

Once Upon a Miracle

   

Boobies, Babies, and a Blog

I Won't Play Putt Putt. You Can't Make Me.

Here is why.

(In all honestly, I don't think my older brother was really that excited.  I was.  I had a totally cool swimsuit that year.)  (Tayte absconded with my yellow marker which is why my brother and I have orange hair.)

 My mother was afraid I had lost an eye.  We got in the car to head to the nearest ER.  In a move exhibiting quick reflexes I have not seen from my mom before or since she shut the visor before I could see the damage in the mirror.

 They also CUT OFF my super cool swimsuit.  Hello?

I also said many other funny things.  I kept called calling the male doctor "ma'am" and I said he was there to take my "whiskey".  Apparently I am quite humorous when knocked nearly unconscious.

I am lucky the plastic surgeon was good and I still have most of that eyebrow.  I am also lucky the bad perm eventually grew out.  (Hey.  It was the 80's)

I can't feel about an inch of my forehead over the scar and that side of my head is still numbish. 

I cringe at the thought of ever playing miniature golf with my own children.  Who really thought that was a good idea anyway?  Who said, "Let's put these hyper children in close proximity to each other and then give them long hard weapons made of metal?" 

There is my story. 

Let me know if you got a chuckle and I may start doing this regularly. (All the stores don't have to center around injuries.)

(Saigie really enjoyed watching me color.)

Boobies, Babies, and a Blog

Once Upon a Miracle

Halloween Spider Story

This picture has nothing to do with this post, but isn't it cute?

Shaye Puppy.

The kids are starting to talk about Halloween Costumes again. It reminded me of this story.

Last year Saige was thumbing through one of Gramma's magazines when she came across an ad featuring a magician. She then HAD to be a magician for Halloween. The ad was for feminine products but I figured, "Whatev."

My mom whipped her up this adorable costume.

She loved it!
She was just so excited for Halloween to get here.

Finally it was the big day. She was going for a hay ride with some friends while The Coach and I got everything situated. We were going to meet up with her and her group of friends. But first I had to get the babies dressed and The Coach had to place his beers in the stroller.

(He doesn't drink much, but he looks forward to his Halloween drink and stroll!)

We caught up with Saige as she was leaving some one's house. She came up to me and said shyly that kids were telling her there was a spider on her. She was embarrassed and didn't know what they were talking about so to get them to hush she told them it was part of her costume.

I started looking at her to see if I saw a little spider.

Now let me first tell you. I am scared of spiders. When I was growing up I would make my brother come kill them for me. (KILL THEM...not wash them down the drain so they can sneak up on me while I am showering.) I try to downplay the fear because otherwise the boys will take every opportunity to bring spiders to me. I know this. I have brothers.

So I looked on her hat and lapels and I saw the spider. A HUGE SPIDER! It was eating a Snickers it had stolen from some other kid. It was one of those hairy ones that you see on Animal Planet devouring a gazelle or something.

It was on her shoulder and it took up her whole shoulder. I wish I had the wherewith all to photograph it, but I was busy trying not to have a heart attack.





(I may not be able to sleep tonight just looking on Google for a picture.)

This monster was on my girl!

I immediately turned her head away from it and held it there. I was afraid that it would either bite her on the face, or she would see it and freak out and run into the street and get hit by a car.
I knew The Coach would be no help as he is more scared of spiders than I am.
In a panic as I was holding her head I pleaded with one of the dads standing next to us. I was tyring to use a calm voice for Saigie's sake.

"Please get that off of her. Please get it off. Get it off of her. Please help."

The man was confused and started to remove Saigie's hat.

"NO." I said. "THAT!"

The man let out a half scream of his own and used his ball cap to scoop it off and throw it in the street where it took three other grown men to disarm it and stomp it to death.

The Coach saw the commotion from the street and asked me what that was all about. I told him. He said, "I am glad I didn't see it."  He also didn't sleep that night.

I have NEVER seen such a huge spider just out and about. I assume it came from the hay in the hay ride.
Saigie was a trooper went on with her trick or treating.


Tayte is not excited about this picture as he is digging for a lollipop.

What are your Halloween adventures?



I can't get my buttons to work today, but I am linking up at True Story Tuesday, 
Boobies, Babies and a Blog
Twee Poppets
Chubby Cheeks Thinks

The Time I Didn't Have a Stroke

I decided to let the kid unroll of the toilet paper in the house and write this today.

I guess the title kind of ruins the suspense, but I have never been a fan of suspense anyway.

This all occurred last year when I was about six months pregnant with Shaye Baby.

It was a regular spring night. The Coach was at a baseball game and the kids and I were hanging out at home eating dinner. After dinner I was helping the kids clean the kitchen and noticed I couldn't exactly say the words I wanted to. I tried to tell the kids to put the leftovers in Tupperware, but I couldn't find the word Tupperware in my head. Or any of the kids' names. I kept calling them all Ty. This seemed strange to me so I took Tayte out in the back yard and thought it would go away if I just relaxed. At that point I noticed I could only see half of everything I looked at.

So I came back in and tried to focus on the kids' faces, but I could only ever see half of their faces an the other half was obscured by a gray fog. I wasn't hurting anywhere so I thought I would just sit and it would go away. It didn't.

Finally I called my mom. I thought I said very coherently, "Mom, I have a problem. I can't talk properly and I my vision is foggy." What I really said was, "Mom................I ...................have.............troubles. Can't..............words. Only..............see." With a budding panic she asked me where The Coach was. I was triumphant because I thought I managed to say, "at a game", but what I had said was, "He.............on...........plane."

Fifteen minutes later my parents were at my house. Astonishing really since they live thirty minutes away. They started asking me all kinds of questions like, "What year is it?" and "Who is the president?" Then they wanted me to raise my arms and grin. I was already quite befuddled, but these party games had me really confused. (I realized later they were afraid I was having a stroke.)

They conferred with each other (not with me) and decided I needed to go to the ER. I didn't want to, but I couldn't find the words to argue which made me realize I should probably go.

So we went. My dad took me.

This was during the peak of the swine flu scare. So everyone and their brother was at the ER moaning and groaning and sneezing. I made some observations while I was there. If it is late at night and a kid is flying through the ER waiting room climbing on top of people and hollering like a banshee...they are probably not so ill. Second - only so many entire families can fit into the ER waiting room and if at all possible if one parent cold stay home with the other two or three kids that may be advisable.

Finally I observed that if someone calls your husband in the middle of a baseball game and tells him his pregnant wife had to be taken to the ER he might arrive looking like a crazy person. (Sorry, but after years of being a coach's wife I just don't call him at all during games. Plus I wasn't exactly in a logical state of mind.)

At this point my dad went home to help mom with the kids and The Coach and his boss and wife stayed with us. (They were so kind to leave the game and come hang out with us, risking swine flu and everything.)

We waited. And waited. And waited. Despite the fact I was pregnant and we thought I may be having a stroke. Finally we were called.

I went back and they asked me to put on a gown and take off everything but my undies. Oops. I was wearing my jama pants already. Commando. They conceded I could keep the undies. They put me through the regular battery of tests, urine, blood, SATs, whatever. Then they told me to wait for the tech for a CT scan.

At long last I was wheeled into the CT scan room. The tech looked at me dubiously and I thought, "I haven't had the test yet. He can't ALREADY have bad news." He bent down and looked me in the eye and very gravely said, "Your urine test just came back and I have to inform you that you are pregnant.

No shit? (I am sorry about the expletive, but really it is the only thing that covers it.)

I was SIX MONTHS pregnant. Now I know people on Oprah and stuff are always surprise giving birth. I think there is even a tv show solely about this subject, but I ain't one of those people. What did he think? I had just eaten a watermelon? Besides the fact I had already told everyone I was pregnant less they give me some horrible medication that would cause me to give birth to a three armed baby.

They proceeeded with the tests. I began to doubt the competence of this medical facility. I had to be admitted.

The next day P$ came and gave me candy and magazines and cookies. I often fantasize about going back to the hospital just to receive such princess like treatment.

I'll skip the rest because it involves my boobs being twisted into a pretzel by someone who didn't even tell me her name and consequently me crying.

I have complicatd migraines. At the time it didn't hurt because hormones were blocking the pain. I still get them from time to time and now...they HURT. I had to see a neurologist and have a bunch of tests. So I am good. No strokes, no tumors. Just miraines. Not surprising really since my dad also has migraines, just a different kind.

Last time I had one I tried to conceal it by not talking, but The Coach figured it out. Smart guy, I am rarely quiet.

So that's my story. It ran a little long.

I am linking up with True Story Tuesday. Go there and check it out.

I am also linking up with I Finally Got To Finish a Post this Summer. Just kidding. I made that up. :)