So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My Dog is Dumb

And I am not just saying that because the whole neighborhood saw my underwear.

Clem is a Golden Retriever.  She is a sweetheart.
She lets kids ride her and she cleans up the kitchen floor.  That is her best trick.

My dad trained hunting dogs for a while and it is his motto that a dog is always learning something even if the owner isn't meaning to teach it something.

Apparently Clem somehow learned running away is fun.

Early on I tried to teach her not to leave the house even if the door was wide open.  This is possible.  My dad's dog would not leave the house unless someone told her, "Ok."  I was diligently teaching Clem this, but sometimes when I was getting gum out of someone's baseball pants, or taking a hair dryer out of a sink full of water children opened the door and Clem went out it.

In our old neighborhood she was rewarded by ten or twelve elementary school kids chasing her around.  They would chase her round and round the block and then three or four of the kids with the most endurance would show up on our porch with a smiling Clem.  If I could read Clem's mind I would bet she was saying, "Look. I brought you all these kids.  You like kids.  I am a good dog.  Good dog!" 

Apparently all those kids chasing her was positive reinforcement because now when she gets out she is ready for a chase.  She won't ever try to run away.  If I turned around and went back in the house she would  just lie on the front lawn and wait for someone to come by.  Hopefully someone who would chase her.

Yesterday when I got home and opened the garage door she came barrelling out of the garage.  I didn't realize someone had put her in there because of a possible storm.

Side note - Apparenetly we also taught her that she would be safe in a storm if she hoisted her 65 pound self up on top of the first dining room table I have ever owned. and ran back and forth on it leaving claw marks down the length of it.  Yes.  That will protect her from a storm.  For sure

Back to the issue, the best method in the new neighborhood for catching Clem is to chase her around the block on the bike until she gets tired and then she will gladly let herself be leashed.   I hopped on Tanner's Mongoose and went after her wearing my work clothes, a wrap dress and three inch pumps.  It looked like a storm was coming.  I had to go catch her, because she didn't have any access to a dining room table and therefore would be totally unprotected in the event of a storm.  It was very windy

Another side note - What is with the Texas wind lately?  It is brutal. (That was not a complaint.  If it is not cold I am not complaining.)

The good news is I was wearing girl boxers.  The bad news is everyone in the neighborhood knows I was wearing girl boxers.  ARGH.  I was hoping to make it a few weeks before I exposed myself again.

Oh who am I kidding.  I would rather play chase than be ridden too.

What weird things does your pet do?


  1. My dog loves to be chased too. He's a black lab and runs every time we open the door. He also runs when you through anything for him to go fetch. So the games lasts all of one throw, because then he runs off into the woods with it, hoping you'll chase him down to get it. If you don't chase, he drops it in the woods then comes back and looks at you, like he wonders why you don't have anything else to throw for him.

    He's such a goof, but he's my goof. :)

  2. For some reason my dog likes to bark for no reason at 4:00 am....
    then I let her outside and she stands by my window and barks at 4:00 am....

    do you want a dog?

  3. I miss my dog. I miss that he would clean up the cheerios before I knew I had a mess to clean up. I also miss the way he would lay at my side of the bed during a storm because I *think* he knew how anxious storms made me.

  4. Ours used to climb our quite tall chain link fence. Not jump it. Climb it. It was quite the sight.

  5. awwwww i miss my dog pepper now.....

  6. I have a little Papillon dog. 10 pounds. She doesn't get the gist of playing ball. Oh - she loves her ball - a tennis ball that barely fits in her mouth. She'll fetch it and then bring it to you and shove it in your hand. You would think you should grab it from her, right? So you could throw it again? So she could retreive it? (She's a toy spaniel, for Pete's sake...) But, she won't let go! She just keeps a hold of it, while pushing it into your hand, and growling. You have to wrestle it from her! If you quit grabbing for it, she'll run at you and push it into your hand again! It's crazy. She does not understand how to play fetch!

  7. That was a great post and I think I love your dog! Mine does pathetic really well. She even shakes all over (like she's freezing or something) until you ask her what's wrong. Then she's all doggy grins!

  8. LOL Oh I am so sorry for your dining room table!! (oh and as an owner of a dumb lab I feel your pain) :)

  9. Oh, we miss having a dog so much, but oh the havoc they can wreak! I also grew up with a lab, so I get it :)

  10. My dog eats horse poop. I win.

    Wait, you said weird, not gross.....

  11. hahaha, great story! I love your stories - you crack me up. Your dog sounds like quite a character.

  12. Yet another reason I will never get my kids a dog. I don't need anything else to cause me even more embarrassment than my kids already do!!

  13. The visual here is just KILLING me! LOL

  14. is it a little sadistic that after reading your post....I now wish we would get a dog? LOL Like chasing 3 kids isn't enough. but maybe than can tire each other out....and I can put my feet up with a hot cup of coffee, until they lead one another home, all tuckered and tired out.

  15. My cat likes to hide around corners and dive bomb us. It's completely traumatized our 4 yr old.


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