So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Incident

I was thinking the other day about how when I post something everyone who comments pretty much agrees with me.  That's great because I am always right.  There I go being hilarious again.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe bloggers just feel like we have to agree and that is not true.  So I am going to tell you about a recent incident at our house and tomorrow I will follow up with the consequences occurring here. won't know if you are agreeing or not!!   Aren't I sneaky?
I am looking for a little bit of controversy.  Not a lot. Just enough so that I do not have to start watching soaps or anything.

Just for the record my very best friend in the whole world, P$, and I don't even agree on this. And we still love each other.

Here goes.

A couple of weeks ago Ty, my 15 yo, had the chance to go fishing with his dad during "my" weekend.  I let him go and him and two guy friends and two girls friends had a great time.  On his way home we had the following text conversation.

Ty: They want to know if I can spend the night?
Me: Who is they?
Ty: Trent.  We are going to camp out in his backyard.
Me: Sounds cool.  Have a great time.  Call me in the morning.

I did a tri the next day and in the middle of my nap - of course - Ty called me to come get him.  I did.
In the car he started telling me about all they fun they had during the, "camp out". 

I thought Trent was the only one who was going to be camping so I asked who else was there and he said, "Amanda and Taylor."

Ok - So........I won't tell you which side P$ is on, or what side I am on.
You tell me....what would YOUR reaction have been?


  1. I would have flipped. I want to know why you weren't told this was a co-ed sleepover. I want to know if there was supervision. Where did everyone sleep? Why didn't you know this was a co-ed sleepover?

    I'd be pissed at my kid, I'd be annoyed with the other kid, and I'd be pissed off at the other parents.

  2. I think it's a lack of communication on both sides. As the parent, I think it's our job to inquire about details in situations like this. But he also could have communicated it better too.

  3. I love this game!
    Here's my take.
    When you wrote, "Who is they", he answered you back with "Trent". Trent is a "he", not a "they". You should have questioned him at that point.
    Prove to me I'm wrong.
    Your Friend.
    p.s. Let's play again!

  4. Wow! I wouldn't have put it exactly like either Katertot or Coach but I'm hanging out in their camp. Though I agree that you probably should have asked more questions. Hopefully one of the consequences is that next time you will.

  5. I definitely think this is a case-by-case situation. You know your son far better than we do, so you know if you can trust him. My parents were absolutely crazy people over any little thing that I did that they didn't like. So, I started lying. Even about the simple stuff, just to keep the peace. And my parents eventually never really knew me. I was a good girl, but it could have been much, much worse if I hadn't been relatively mature and if I'd had worse self-esteem.

  6. my knee jerk reaction:

    Misleading by omission is lying, leaving out a few details like…girls are spending the night with boys, because he knew you wouldn’t agree - in my opinion that is lying. I would be more upset with that than I would anything else.

    Did his father know it was a co-ed sleepover?? If so that would probably add fuel to the fire…

    To say I would be pissed is an understatement.

    I would then wonder if the other parents knew and if so….would I let him sleep over THERE again? I THINK NOT!!!

    Now with that being said…I’m the mother of a 12 year old, and at this point I guess I’m a little strict.

  7. I would have been mad at my kid for not giving all the details. But as Mark pointed out, you didn't ask follow-up questions either. Probably an overall lack of communication. If I had known the details up front, I would be fine because I trust both of my teenagers and their frineds.

    I'm interested to learn the outcome tomorrow!

  8. I would have given the "Are you kidding?" stare and not said a thing then -- I would need a couple of seconds to cool down. For effect I would have let him know that was not alright, the lying or the coed stuff. 15 is too young for a coed sleepover in my book.

  9. It's the fact that he left that part out that would have had me upset!

  10. Yeah...the lying by omission piece would have pissed me off. I wonder how many of the parents knew what what really happening.

    Granted I did boy/girl sleep overs around that age, but it was always upfront and in someone's house where the parents checked on us narotically :)

  11. Well, not being a parent, you might take what I say with a grain of salt... on the OTHER hand, I did something similar when I was about 16. My dad told me he would never trust me again, because I KNEW it wasn't right, and my mom said, "Well, good luck if you're pregnant," and embarrassed the snot out of me, especially since the boys and girls actually did sleep in different rooms.

    I knew lots of kids that did this kind of thing, including most of my friends, and none of us did anything "bad" during that time, we just happened to have friends that were of the opposite sex and we wanted to keep hanging out.

    SO. My answer is: the problem isn't the sleepover. The problem is that he lied by omission. I would be asking some serious questions why he felt like he needed to lie to you.

  12. hmmm. Not sure. I'd be pretty ticked that he purposely ommitted the other two slumber party participants. I'd probably be mad, but part of me wonders if I would be raging mad or just mildly annoyed. I am one of those people who thinks that it totally depends on the kids. Since he felt it ok to share the events of the night, then nothing happened and it wasn't a big deal. I'd maybe be mad at the parents who let it occur without discussing it with you. Hows that for wishy washy?

  13. Two things.

    Co-ed sleepover, absolutely not.
    Lying by omission, absolutely not.

    I would be beyond ticked and I'd probably be a little upset with the parents for not letting you know. It would be a long time before I was willing to let him stay over there again.

  14. My 15yo daughter's name is Amanda. 'Nuff said.

  15. We can all say we would have asked more questions - in hindsight - however, you did ask specifically "Who is they?" ...and he gave a one name answer. Sneaky, sneaky. I would be ticked. Not about the sleepover - you either trust them to make wise decisions, or you don't - and it's not likely that anything happened in a group - but the lie by ommission: still a lie. so not acceptable. especially if you are trying to earn my trust.
    But I would also be wondering where the host parents were...?? how could they NOT have known that it was a co-ed sleepover, so Clearly it was okay by them. That's a situation that warrants a phone call between parents, not just a child texting their parents for permission. I'd be ticked at the parents too.

  16. I agree with the "lied by omission" comment. I would be ticked that my child didn't tell me first and also wondering what is the deal with those other parents who allowed a coed 15 year old sleepover.

  17. oh fun, but I cheated (not on purpose I saw the other post first lol) I love a good debate too. my kid would be toast, like you said it was lie by omission. he obviously refers to the camp of 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission'
    and if he's totally cool with the punishment, it makes you wonder why it was so 'worth it' ya know??


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