So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Coed Campout - Follow Up

Thanks all of you for playing along.  It was nice to hear different viewpoints.  Like I said we certainly don't have to agree. 

The setup to this post is here.

Basically here is the denouement.  (Once when I first teaching I was being observed and got nervous and I said that word as it  Of course my observer was a former English teacher and I got RIPPED!!)

Here is the aftermath of the incident.....

Ty got in the car when I picked him up and started chatting happily about the camp out.  He didn't hesitate to mention there were girls there.  He didn't try to hide that fact.

I got very quiet trying to figure out what was going on with girls being there.  He just kept on chatting causing me to think maybe I was over-reacting, so I stayed quiet.
After a few minutes I guess he noticed my white knuckles on the steering wheel or maybe my clenched jaw.  He asked, "Are you mad at me?"
I told him I had to think it through and determine if I was overreacting or not and we just shouldn't talk until then.
He said he was sorry and that he wondered why I had allowed him to stay.
Duh............Ya told me it was you and one kid.  A GUY kid.

So when I got home I discussed it with The Coach.  I was really hoping he would say it wasn't a big deal about the neighbor girls and we would deal with the shoddy answer to my text and move on.  Instead I went from being the ticked one, to being the voice of reason as The Coach's head exploded and he started looking up military schools on the internet.

The main issue was the fact that I asked who "they" were and Ty did not release all the names.  Point 1 - I didn't ask the right followup question.  Point 2 - I shouldn't have had to. 

As far as the parents......the girls who slept over have lived next door their whole lives.  I am sure they are like sisters to him.  I am certainly not trying to make anything sordid out of an innocent sleep over.  I would have appreciated it had they checked with me, but again the main responsibility is on Ty and me.

He was reminded of OUR expectations. My thinking here is that the first time (well now second) time Ty spends the night with a girl I want it to be at least a big decision, not just some casual thing that happens.  I could be wrong in my thinking, but hey..I have been wrong before.

. P$ didn't see any problem with the coed sleep over part.
That is fine with us.  P$ is just as dedicated to raising morally sound children as I am.   She was allowed to have coed sleepovers when she was a kid and everything turned out just fine.  ( I wasn't even allowed to have a boy in my room!)

So there are both sides of the story. 
Ty was grounded for two weeks for lying by omission.  He seemed to accept his fate.  Maybe he even thought he got off easy.  I mean really grounded is better than military school.

Furthermore this explains why Ty has been in so many of the pictures I have posted lately.  He wasn't allowed to go anywhere without The Coach or me!!

Have YOU ever been to military school?  What was the most (non illegal) trouble you ever got into growing up?


  1. Two weeks? You guys are tough.
    Your Friend, m. (who always ask the "follow-up" questons because parenting ends when I die.)

  2. oohhh wow, coed sleep overs, let me just go lock my kids in their room right now! lol ha! sounds like you dealt with it just fine!

  3. Oh gosh, parenting can be tough sometimes, can't it? Ugh. I get your concern, I couldn't have boys alone in my house anywhere even while I was in high school...but I guess your son was just worried you'd be upset and it wasn't really his fault the girls where there. I'm glad it all worked out in the end. Hopefully, we won't all become alcoholics before they graduate!! :)

  4. Gosh it's funny how when you are mad, you end up being the one talking the husband back to the edge of reason. My husband is the same way!

  5. U
    Ahh! I had to go back and get caught up. He's 15 right? I'm with you hon, co-ed sleep overs at this age? Nope!

  6. Sounds like you handled it just right. I think 2 weeks grounding is completely reasonable. Too bad you also can't ground the parents who were host and didn't feel the need to communicate with you.

    As for your 2nd question....I refuse to answer on the grounds that it MAY incriminate me. Mom still doesn't know all I was up to as a teen. I only release the info a bit at a time. Statue of limitations and all...


    I think you handled it very well...

  8. I think it sounds good. I am a social worker, working with kids and their families, most who are very at-risk, heavily into drugs and criminal behavior. I think two weeks sounds reasonable.

  9. You handled it really well! I would have had to deal with the lie too! The only thing I would change is to expect more ... to expect the first time your son has a sleepover with a girl to be his wedding night! I know. I know. I'm hopelessly old-fashioned! But if WE don't expect that of them ... why would they expect it of themselves! :)

  10. I "ran away" a lot. i.e. spend the night at a boys house and sometimes tell my dad I was at a girl's house and when he couldn't find me he'd call the cops. Technically it is illegal, but I never got in real legal trouble from it.


I always like to know someone is listening!