So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

O - Gram

Singing Telegram?
Candy Gram?

Nope.  Mammogram.

Warning to the handful of males who read my blog.......This post is about boobs.  Not the fun, enhanced and exposed kind you see on the beach.  Unless you have always been wondering what exactly goes on at a mammogram you may want to move on.  :)

I had to go get a mammogram the other day for no good reason other than I am old.  Seriously.  My doctor starting nagging me THREE years ago to go get one.  I don't pretend to know the guidelines, but do I really need a mammogram at 36 or does it take the average woman three years to get around to it?

I finally went and now I am going to share the experience with you.

I had heard about mammograms from others and the experiences were on a spectrum from oh well to excruciating.  One person told me they squish your boobs flat.  I thought, "No problem, I breast fed five kids.  They are already quite flat."  (Guys, I warned you.) I figured there was no way it could be worse than running eight miles, or giving birth.

I got to the imaging center and I got to park right up front.  They have reserved parking for boobie pictures! Once in the waiting room I noticed the vending machine was chocked full of Mrs. Baird's cinnamon rolls. I had one immediately and savored the fact that I didn't have to share with any grabby kids. Then I relaxed and graded papers while I made note of the fact the eighty year old woman across from me was wearing the exact same shoes I had on.

When they called my name I went to the back with a friendly tech.  She told me to take off my top, bra, and deodorant.  She handed me a smock that was fresh from the warmer.  Cozy.  Then I stood in front of a machine.  In all six images were taken.  Three for each boob.  For each image she moved me around into different positions keeping up a steady stream of chatter the whole time.  The worst thing about all this was that she had cold hands.  Really.  And also I do suggest not looking at your boob during this process.  It was a little strange seeing it smooshed out to resemble a pancake.   However it did not hurt and it was over quickly, like ten minutes.

I will say if you are a very modest person it might be a disconcerting experience for you.  I am not very modest at all however so it was no big deal. 

Since I had already taken the whole day off I had also made an eye appointment.  I am terribly nearsighted.  I can't even read the biggest letter without my glasses.   I told the doctor that I have been having trouble seeing up close.  Seriously you should see my students attempting to write big enough for me to read.  I already make them rewrite anything in pencil.  He flipped a few lenses and it seemed to improve.  Then he dropped the bombshell.  He said, "That is the last thing I can do for you before you have to get bi-focals."

Youth.  It really is wasted on the young.

(On the upside my mom took me to lunch and then shopping just like she did when Saige ditched school was ill.)


  1. Thanks goodness for moms who take you shopping! That can take the edge off any day :)

  2. I had been postponing getting my mammogram done also. Thank goodness I finally got it because it showed early stages of cancer. I am OK now and I know I won't care how much and how badly they squish my boobs. I am going to make sure I get tested on regular basis now. Biopsy, surgery and so on are much less fun.
    Have you considered contacts? I tried bifocal contacts and did not like them but they work for some people. Instead am doing monovision, which is having only one contact for close focus in. My eyes adapted very quickly and I can read and drive without the hassle with glasses.

  3. Even with my glasses, I'm having a harder time reading things that are more than five feet away. You should see me trying to read street signs while my husband is driving....and I'm only 29! I've always had bad eyesight but glasses were supposed to help with that!

  4. The gyno is a terrible place that reminds you of your advancing age. My gyno said, "now that you're 30" at least 15 times at my last appointment. Give it a rest lady!

  5. Cool that your mom still takes you to lunch and shopping now that you're all grown up. :-)

  6. I cracked up at the 80 year old woman's shoes... :) Tell your mom that she is probably my favorite blog mom!

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