So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Mr. Doodles - The Final Chapter

So.  I guess with a title like that you can tell the outcome of this story.

Saige was at her dad's last weekend and when I put the babies to bed I realized the guinea pig wasn't really very spry.  (Yes. Mr. Doodles is a girl.  What?  Miss Doodles is a stupid name.)  I sent downstairs and told Mike the critter wasn't doing well.  We really had no solution since I am both unwilling to handfeed the thing canned pumpkin and spend 300 bucks at an exotic pet vet.
When I went up the next morning she wasn't moving at all.  I called Saigie at her dad's and broke the news because I didn't want her to return home to a missing critter. 
There was much crying, gnashing of the teeth and garment tearing.  Then I did what had to be done and prepared to pick the cage up and move it outside, so Shaby would stop trying to feed it.  That was the extent of my plans because The Coach is in charge of dead things.  (I am in charge of throw up.) 
When I went to pick up the cage Mr. Doodle's head turned toward me and she shuddered.  So of course dropped the cage and went running and screaming, "Zombie Guinea Pig!!!" all through the house. Finally I called a friend who distracted me while I threw a blanket over the cage, put it in the back yard and then locked the door.
I called The Coach and told him it was his problem and when he got home he had to put the thing out of its misery and never tell me how it was done.  Also he could not scar the body because Saige wanted a burial.  Sigh.
By the time he got home the critter had the decency to die on its own.  We perserved the body and buried it Monday after school.  She was heartbroken.
Her brothers were so sweet to her.  At different times throughout the day I saw both of them walk by and pat her on the shoulder.  That is pretty nice for them. They usually walk by and pull her hair or take something from her.
I knew the inevitable was a request for a NEW pet.  It finally came last night when she ask if she could have a parrot!!
Saige - (still crying) Can I have a parrot?
Me - (shocked) Why in the HELL would you want a parrot?
Saige - So I could have someone to talk to.
Me - You have FOUR brothers and sisters. Talk to them.
Saige - (wailing)  None of them caaaaaarrrrreeeee.
Me. - I'll pay them to care!!

Can you just imagine what a parrot would say at my house?
"What's for supper? Squawk!"
"Squack.  He touched me!!!!!!!"

What would your parrot say?

(p.s.  Without my knowledge Saige made an old picture of Mr. Doodles the screensaver on our computer.  Now everytime I logged on I am eye to eye with his beady little stare.  Creepy guinea pig zombie!)


  1. All I can say is, don't get the parrot! We babysat (birdsat?) a friends Quaker Parrot last summer and I nearly throttled the life outta that annoying thing. And they live FOREVER!

  2. We had a hamster issue one time. I'm trying to figure out how a $5 rodent evolved into an exotic pet.

  3. ha haha..."Ill pay them to care!" you make me smile. I missed you. Oh, a parrot in my embarrassing that would be. It would definitely laugh a lot. Possibly drop a fed bad bomb words that it hears when I think nobody else is in the room. A good. We had a parrot growing up...some funny stuff.

  4. No parrot. I'll say it again. No parrot!

  5. If FF had anything to do with it, every second word would be boob, poo or fart


  6. I hope you don't think I'm cruel for cracking up at some of this. The zombie thing... OMG.

  7. LOL!! I'm not a fan of pets even though I know the kids LOVE them. well, love them enough to not feed or water or clean up their mess or take care of the poop. It's all mom when it comes to that! I do feel for your kiddo. Poor thing! If we had a parrot...ugh! I'd be afraid of what it would say, especially since my 3yo said "duck shit" this morning. Not good!

  8. My mom had a talking bird...not sure what kind and it only said one thing "Sh** Bird!, Sh** Bird!" I think it was repeating something my dad said. Kind of embarrassing when you bring your 2nd grade friends over and the bird starts squaking like that...

  9. I'm sorry to hear about your loss; I'm sure Mr. Doodles will be missed. But please don't get a parrot!! I have a hamster and he's pretty chill and easy to take care of. NO PARROT!

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