So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Never Kiss a Gift Gun

From time to time I try to reward The Coach's awesomeness with a gift.
He is awesome with his athletic supported-ness, and his sexy mustached-ness

It never works out. Here is an example.

The idea was to buy The Coach something for Father's Day.  He bought me a cool bike for Mother's Day.  We got him one too and he said that is good enough of a gift. I have been spending a butt load of money to get ready for the cruise, so I wanted to get him something.  (Ok. The most expensive thing I bought was a 100.00 swimsuit, but to me that is a butt load of money.)
He wouldn't give me any hints and said not to get him anything.  We do the budget Dave Ramsey style so it is pretty hard to get hold of any secret gift money.  In the past I would skim money from the grocery money, but with Ty's current 4000 calorie a day intake that just isn't possible.
So I scraped up some allowance.  I fibbed about some gas money.  I Craig's listed some junk around the house. I cashed in our ATM rewards points and I was off.

I headed to the gun store with my dad.  There were about a million guns there.  Ty was in heaven.  I knew The Coach needed a .20 gauge.  My dad found a few .20 gauge pumps.  One looked pretty good.  I really wanted to get him a over/under though as I have been intrigued by those since I was a kid shooting my dad's.  The shooter cracks it open after two shots and it spits the empty shells out.  Awesome.
Anyway I found a used one for 200.00 dollars more than I had scraped up.  (Ty offered to lend me the rest of the money.  Isn't he sweet?)  I decided to put the balance on our credit card we never use.

Hey.  You know...if you joke in a gun store full of nervous sales people packing major heat that your husband might get a text that the credit card has been used at the gun store he might not come home fearing a PMS induced murderous one will laugh.

Back to the story:
I filled out the paperwork for a background check, and all was going swimmingly until I got to the first question.  It said, "Are you going to be the sole owner of this weapon?"  It was a trick.  The penalty for fraudulently buying a weapon for someone else in Texas is 10,000 and ten years in jail.  I know because it is on billboards all over the city.
So I passed the background check and bought the gun.  My stomach was in knots.  The Coach would either be majorly excited, or majorly PISSED that I had put something on the credit card we never used.  I was developing ulcers while I waited to see which.

 The Problem:
When  I got home The Coach asked me to accompany him to the suit store to buy a suit he has to have for the cruise.  As we got into the truck he asked me, "Can I have that red credit card for the suits."  I calmly handed it over, but inside I was dying.  He never uses that card!!  It only has a low limit.  What are the chances?  I needed to smoke.  I don't even smoke.

He shopped FOREVER which is a whole 'nother post.  Finally he made his selections and we waited for the world's oldest and slowest sales person to ring us up.  I was in agony!  My newly developed ulcers were beginning to bleed.  Finally he slid the card through and started wrapping up the deal.


"I am sorry. That card was declined."

The Coach started to argue with him that there was a 0 balance on the card and I interrupted him saying, "I need to talk to you." I went outside and burst into tears.

Of course I had to spill the beans and explain I had bought him an expensive gift.  Of course he was not mad at me, but was very excited to get his gift.  I gave it to him that night.  I think he likes it.

It is tricky to buy a gun for someone who may be upset that you spent money!  Again..not a funny statement to nervous gun shop sales guys!!

What is the best surprise you have ever pulled off for your spouse?  Are you good at keeping a secret?


  1. That's totally something that would happen to me! I've learned my lesson...the husband is getting a month's supply of gobstoppers from the dollar store for Father's Day :-)
    It might not be the nicest gift...but it's the one he could afford ;-)

  2. I like your joke! And I laughed.

    What bad luck, that your husband decided to use that particular credit card.

    I'm not good at keeping a secret at all. I immediately spill the beans.

  3. I can't keep secrets from my husband. In fact, the girls and I picked out his father's day gift a month or two ago and gave it to him as soon as we got home from the store.

  4. This made me cry. Maybe just because I have PMS and a kidney infection that is grating on my last nerve and making me emotional as all heck (and keeping me from running) but this was really sweet! So sweet. Loved every word of this story. Happy Father's Day to him and so glad he likes his gift.

  5. Sonny and I bought a widescreen TV for Hubby for Christmas. We were out together when the card was declined for one small purchase. The cat was out of the bag the minute he called the bank to figure out how it was even possible for us to over the limit. Some times you can't win for loosing.

    ps. I am now anonymous as Blogger is boycotting my comments for some unknown reason.

  6. At least he was excited! It would have sucked to have gone through all of that, just to have had him say, "Oh, I really don't NEED a gun." So glad it worked out....totally feel like adding something completely sexually inappropriate about his "weapon" but I won't....this is me 'my doing?

  7. I am awful at keeping secrets, I can't buy stuff to far in advance or I'll just give it to the person way early.

  8. I bought a new set of pipes for his motorcycle for Fathers Day a couple of years ago. I had his brother (who is the GM of a motorcycle shop) talk about which pipes he wanted in a casual conversation, then order them. I lied (sort of) about how much we got back from our taxes that year, b/c I had this all planned out!

    You should have seen the shock on his face when he opened those pipes!!!!!!!!

  9. When we looked at the house we ended up buying, it had a trampoline in the backyard. We tried to get them to throw the trampoline in with the house, but they wouldn't go for it. I don't think they really understood why we'd want it anyway, since at the time we had no children.

    Fast forward - we bought the house and our anniversary was coming up. Rob bought and assembled the huge trampoline in our backyard while I was working one day. It stayed back there for nearly a WEEK without me even looking out the window and noticing it. He never thought he'd pull it off, but he did.

  10. What are the odds?!?!

    Best gift? Yeah... I bought my redneck a gun, ha!


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