So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Attempting to Snuggle

I read a stupid article the other day in a stupid magazine about how "HAPPY FAMILIES" snuggle.

I immediately felt an immense amount of maternal guilt.

The truth is I do not like to be touched.  I am not one for casual hugs and I HATE to have someone's arm around me.  Even my tough military brother, Guns, has been known to panic if he accidentally is in a situation where he might accidentally brush up against me.

I try to get over this with the kids because I understand they will surely end up in therapy if I constantly scream every time they touch me.   I really can't afford therapy on a teacher's salary, so I try to put aside the fact that Tanner's hands are always moist and when Ty leans up against me my lower body goes to sleep.

The other night I was sitting on the couch tolerating the tv watching pile.  Tanner entertained us during the commercials by doing animal impersonations. (Hilarious.  I should put up a video of his rabbit impersonation. Animalination?)

When I announced I was ready for bed Tanner started telling me good night while rubbing his moist hands up and down my face.  I told him to stop.  I said, "You have been sitting in here for thirty minutes and that whole time your hand has been in your pants.  Don't touch me."

Apparently he mistook these as words of encouragement.

He started rubbing both of his hands on my face.  To prevent my escape Ty (245 lbs) sat on my legs.  I was trapped.  I finally screamed, "Get your penisy hands OFF of me!!"  I truly felt the need for disinfectant at that point.  Tanner replied, "They aren't penisy, they are just ball-sacky."

Well.  I am glad there was clarification as to what was going on down there.

The Coach finally walked by in the process of locking all the doors six times.  While the boys were trying to pretend they weren't mistreating me I made my escape.

I have washed my face forty times since.

I am not so sure snuggling is the key to a happy family.  I personally am much happier when I am not being touched.

Here is another happy suggestion in the article that does not make me happy.........
Letting kids help with dinner.  That does not make me happy.  It makes dinner late. It makes me hungry and therefore cranky.

What "wonderful happy suggestions" do you find almost unbearable??


  1. Ha! Penisy hands. Your comment on my post made me laugh out loud. I was reading it at the park and when you mentioned the part about boys talking about their privates or unprivates, I felt a little better about the situation. :) Where was Saigie in all of this? Does she like to cuddle? Another part I could relate to was your husband locking the door six time...this was totally my dad. And he did it with the lights too.
    I can't stand the suggestion that you shouldn't spank your kids because really I just want to spank the living #$$% out of them...nah, I'm not a big spanker but sometimes I get sick of the let's just use our words crap. But I do...use my words that is.
    What did you mean by "is that good enough?" at the end of your comment? As in, I expect long comments? :) ha!

  2. My daughter is touchie-feelie to the extreme!! Drives me crazy....and that just makes her try all the harder. So I end up mad....yeah, nice family bonding time. I don't mind hugs, kisses, or snuggling to watch a movie, but I can't stand to be mauled! Personal space rules apply to everyone...children most definitely included.
    The other one is family walks. I do enjoy a walk around the block, but holy crap....I also find it physically impossible to walk slow enough to keep pace with an 18 month old. And I doubt very much whoever said it, did not necessarily mean smell EVERY rose along the way. let's go aleady! LOL

  3. Okay... I totally lost it around the "ball-sacky" part. I would have completely gone ballistic if that had happened to me in real life. Heaven help me. ha!

    (And by "lost it", I mean that I snorted so bad it hurt, and then I felt kinda juvenile for thinking it was so stinkin' hilarious... sorry)

  4. I think the new thing is that happy families "SNUGGIE." Try that!

  5. Cameron is a big on cuddling. When he was little he would say will you snuggle me?

    LOVE IT!! Of course he doesn't put ballsacky hands on my face...I might break his arms!!!!!

  6. That was too gross and too funny and just too much! I love your family!

  7. omfg! this is too funny. penisy hands....

    yeah... i think it will be amazing if all of our children do not end up in therapy as a result of something "wrong" that we did.

  8. Ewww! But so funny. Yea, I am not a cuddler either and my kids all seem to be extra touchy feely so by the end of the day my poor husband sometimes gets the fallout of me not being able to be touched by one more person.

  9. Can't even think about an answer...I'm still laughing too hard from ball-sacky!

  10. Penisy and ball sacky. I think one of my kids is in your home. You can keep him. You have so many you won't really notice the extra one!
    PS: I am SOOOO like you! Don't touch me! You and I can be a couple, only we'll be completely content to sit at opposite ends of the couch and wave! See, we're perfect for each other. I knew it!

  11. ewwww. stay away from the parenting magazines. they try to make us feel guilty for stuff we never even thought about before. i refuse the guilt trip. once i read an article about the amount of 'quality time" you should spend with each child. yeah right. :)

  12. HAHAHAHA! I'm sorry but this was the best thing I've read today.

  13. I'm with you on not being touchy feely ... whether or not the hands have been in someone's pants! I just don't like being touched. Raising a child with a love language of personal touch and closeness was a challenge from time to time!

    And I commented back on my blog ... I'd be happy to make you a button. Just give me some idea of what you want. I could probably do a matching header too if you like. But I'm not a professional! I just play one in my mind! :)

  14. I am not much of a snuggle person either. It drives my husband insane. You are the first person that has admitted how I feel about children helping me to cook. It drives me crazy. I have been told it will be my fault that my daughter can't cook later in life because I didn't let her help out. When I do let her help, I swear under my breath!

    Nice to meet you, too.

  15. Hahaha...Penisy hands...ohh wait ball-sacky...I have no more to say.

  16. Just found your blog from Things I can't say - what a treat. I also have a 15 yo learning to drive... and the cuddling/snuggling is a challenge for me. I hate it when other people want to hug me - if I wanted to hug them I would have married them! So it is a bit of a struggle even with my kids.
    Same with my kids helping me cook. I let them occasionally, but it is MY kitchen!
    Nice to find you and laugh this morning.

  17. I hate parenting articles. They always find some way to make me feel guilty.


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