So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Old Vs. New

This time of the year I hear many people complaining about the Resolution Crowds at the gym.  A nice blogger reminded us all to be supportive of the newbies and remember we were there once too.

In light of that reminder I have decided to make fun of the old gym users.  (Snark alert!! And a pre-emptive - Yes...I know I am not perfect either.)

First I am going to make fun of my good friend E..  E. lifts weights and complains about others who talk on the phone, bring lifting instructions to the gym with them.  He really seems to have a special hate for those who forget to bring a sweat towel.  I was interested in E's workout once and asked him what he did for cardio.  He replied that he didn't need cardio.....because he lifted the weights quickly enough for it to count as cardio.  (This struck me as hilarious.  Is this a real thing?  Please tell me if it is so I can cross him off my list.)

Next I would like to make fun of the male weight lifters who preen in the mirror.  Not while they are lifting.  I get that.  They are checking their form I assume.  But those who preen on the way to the water fountain.  They preen on the way to get a closer look at the TV.  They preen as they are walking to their gym bags.  In fact I never seen these preeners lift a weight!

I now need to ridicule the heavy weight guys. (Not to their face though.) These guys lift a lot more than I ever could. And they do it well for eleven or so reps.  Then after the twelfth rep (of each set) their muscles are so utterly exhausted they must drop the weight to the floor from a shoulder height resulting in a resounding crash that scares the crap out of me every time.

And finally my favorite of the veteran gym-ites.  The guys who believe their muscles are so big they have to hold their arms outwards at a 45 degree angle from their body.  These same guys have such (imaginary) massive thighs they have to walk straddle legged as if they have jock itch.  These guys make me giggle the most.

So I will welcome all the new gym goers.  Some will only be there for a month or too unfortunately.  (Unfortunately because I like it when they are there and I can  feel superior to someone for a short time make new gym friends.)  Others will continue to work out until they too can annoy me with their big muscles.

(To make up for this snarky post I promise to write something sweet tomorrow.  Wow.  That's pressure.)

Care to share any of your snarky gym laughs?


  1. I was just talking about this subject yesterday!

    My personal club-peeve; nakedness! What the hell women! Why on god's green earth do you have to dry your hair NAKED?? Yes, you have a rockin' body, yes you are lovely beyond compare, but really? Naked?

    And, please please do not sit your naked arse on the locker bench. WTF??

    There is a lot of girl-nakedness at my club (down boys) and it makes me so uncomfortable. I have to get naked myself, but even if I were as lovely as Jennifer Aniston I would NOT parade around in my nakedness.


    Oh dear, I really have a few feelings about this don't I? Ha!

  2. The people who hover over you waiting to use your machine. I just want to say "Move along, now!"

    And I SO need to get back to the gym!

  3. I hate the gym, Eva Braun, Hitlers little girlfriend in my trainer. She knows I hate it but makes me do it anyway. Oooofff

  4. I don't go to a gym, Heather...but I do hate it when my Wii shouts, "ooh!" when I step on her. Thanks for the giggle this AM. :o)

  5. what about the sleazy & skimpy clothes worn by females? do they really need their boobs hanging out to work out?

    and I agree with the nakedness...especially by old chubby ladies. :)

  6. There's a guy at my gym who's upper arms are so huge he can't put them down. It cracks me up every time I see him.

    There are also two older women who come in with fully made up faces, in only the way old ladies in Texas can do it. I don't think they even sweat.

    But, the best story is the angry woman who threw the weight at a girl who told her it was a tad bit rude to plop herself and her workout gear right in the middle of everyone's path to the treadmills.

  7. I love it when people lift weights in the most incorrect form and technique possible which allows them to lift more weight then had they done so with using only the muslces they're trying to train (wow, that was a crazy run-on sentance!)Sure, I can curl 800 lbs, but I need to swing my arm up using my entire upper body as leverage...

  8. Ah, I let my gym membership go a year ago and now I remember why.

    I've seen all the types you've mentioned, above. But the guys who drove me crazy were the naked dudes in the locker room. Dude, put some underwear on. You've been dry for 10 minutes!

  9. I am one of those lame New Year gym goers. Sob.

  10. Too funny. The ones that caught my attention were the preeners because they remind me of my teenage daughter. She is going through a stage where she is constantly looking at herself ... in every reflective surface she passes! Car windows (unless she stoops down to look at herself in the side mirror), the door of the microwave, the stove top--you name it, she has seen herself in it.

  11. I can't go to the gym because I hate people looking at me while I work out.

    Case in point: this blog post.


  12. I haven't been to a gym since college. I can't even remember!


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