Decorating Mom's Way

You may remember my mom is an artist.

She has a very specific list of rules to be followed when decorating for Christmas.  Some rules things she actually says and some things I have just noticed, cuz I am observant like that.  (I told my mom I was going to make fun of her on my blog today and she replied, "What is new about that?"  Sassy, isn't she?)

1. There must be at least half a million lights on the Christmas tree. They cannot be just on the tips either.  They have to be wound around each branch all the way to the center of the tree.  Half a million.
2. EDITED TO CORRECT! Big ornaments go on the bottom.  Little ornaments go on the top.  No exceptions. None.
3. All ornaments must be hung on a hangy hook regardless of whether or not the loop is big enough to hang directly to the tree. Under NO circumstances should an ornament lacking a hangy thing be attached to the tree.
4. Ugly ornaments which require hanging out of obligation to the kid who created them....go in the back.
5. Icicles must be placed on the tree ONE AT A TIME.  My mother is actually the only human on the face of the earth I know of who does it this way. 
6.  It is nice, but not necessary if there is a theme, or better yet a color scheme.  My mom's tree is decorated in all white ornaments and most of them are angels.
7.  Ornaments of the same color cannot be side by side.  Ornaments of the shape cannot be side by side.  


This doesn't mean kids can't help with the tree.  But after they are finished hanging ornaments at their eye level all on the same branch the children must be put to bed, and the ornaments must be redistributed.

This is my tree.  I was going to get a picture of my mom's, but she lives thirty minutes away and the kids were sick and I didn't want puke in the Womb on Wheels...it would ruin the nice smell of stale fries I have worked to cultivate in there.  So you will have to deal with it.  Looking at my tree now I realize it is too sparse on top.  I better fix that before my mom comes over.

I try to follow these rules to a point.  I will agree big ornaments go on the bottom and smaller ones at the top.
I do have a color scheme. I try not to put like ornaments side by side which usually means I am swapping them around the entire Christmas season.

I refuse to do her light distribution.  Christmas would be over.  If I plug in the tree and it doesn't magically light up I think buying a whole new pre-lit tree is a reasonable reaction.  This year I plugged in the tree and a whole section refused to light up.  So I just bought a strand and added it without taking off the screwy set.  That's dedication.

I am non committal on the hangy thing issue.  I gave up long ago on the icicles and now just forgo them completely claiming they are a choking hazard.

I guess I just explained to myself why my mom's tree always looks so much better than mine. Hmmm?  Her tree is always beautiful.  It is a work of art.  Better yet....it is a work of Mom.  

 This is Woofie, our Elf on a Shelf.  I didn't name him.  He agrees with my decorating and admires my tree.

How about you?  Do you have any strange, eccentric totally practical decorating guidelines?