So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Decorating Mom's Way

You may remember my mom is an artist.

She has a very specific list of rules to be followed when decorating for Christmas.  Some rules things she actually says and some things I have just noticed, cuz I am observant like that.  (I told my mom I was going to make fun of her on my blog today and she replied, "What is new about that?"  Sassy, isn't she?)

1. There must be at least half a million lights on the Christmas tree. They cannot be just on the tips either.  They have to be wound around each branch all the way to the center of the tree.  Half a million.
2. EDITED TO CORRECT! Big ornaments go on the bottom.  Little ornaments go on the top.  No exceptions. None.
3. All ornaments must be hung on a hangy hook regardless of whether or not the loop is big enough to hang directly to the tree. Under NO circumstances should an ornament lacking a hangy thing be attached to the tree.
4. Ugly ornaments which require hanging out of obligation to the kid who created them....go in the back.
5. Icicles must be placed on the tree ONE AT A TIME.  My mother is actually the only human on the face of the earth I know of who does it this way. 
6.  It is nice, but not necessary if there is a theme, or better yet a color scheme.  My mom's tree is decorated in all white ornaments and most of them are angels.
7.  Ornaments of the same color cannot be side by side.  Ornaments of the shape cannot be side by side.  

This doesn't mean kids can't help with the tree.  But after they are finished hanging ornaments at their eye level all on the same branch the children must be put to bed, and the ornaments must be redistributed.

This is my tree.  I was going to get a picture of my mom's, but she lives thirty minutes away and the kids were sick and I didn't want puke in the Womb on would ruin the nice smell of stale fries I have worked to cultivate in there.  So you will have to deal with it.  Looking at my tree now I realize it is too sparse on top.  I better fix that before my mom comes over.

I try to follow these rules to a point.  I will agree big ornaments go on the bottom and smaller ones at the top.
I do have a color scheme. I try not to put like ornaments side by side which usually means I am swapping them around the entire Christmas season.

I refuse to do her light distribution.  Christmas would be over.  If I plug in the tree and it doesn't magically light up I think buying a whole new pre-lit tree is a reasonable reaction.  This year I plugged in the tree and a whole section refused to light up.  So I just bought a strand and added it without taking off the screwy set.  That's dedication.

I am non committal on the hangy thing issue.  I gave up long ago on the icicles and now just forgo them completely claiming they are a choking hazard.

I guess I just explained to myself why my mom's tree always looks so much better than mine. Hmmm?  Her tree is always beautiful.  It is a work of art.  Better is a work of Mom.  

 This is Woofie, our Elf on a Shelf.  I didn't name him.  He agrees with my decorating and admires my tree.

How about you?  Do you have any strange, eccentric totally practical decorating guidelines?


  1. I completely adhere to your Mom's Rule #4! LOL Your tree looks fabulous. I took a snap of what I thought was my pretty tree. When I looked at the snap, I discovered many gaps in the ornament distribution. It looks better without too much daylight on it. ;o)

    Merry Thursday!

  2. I enjoy the pre-lit tree immensely. Best. Invention. Ever.

    I like to have a million bulbs and ornaments on the tree. There must be depth to the placement. I don't want to be able to look through the tree at any point. So I guess I have a bit of holiday dysfunction myself!

  3. I like your tree and our tree is pre lit and I love it. I also love that it seems the rooms our trees are in have about the same color on the walls. You have good taste! Have a great day!

  4. Get it right Heather. Number 2 is WRONG!!!! I messed up this year, I bought a new angel for the top of the tree. Remember that my tree is gold and white. Well, the angel changes colors; red, blue, green etc.....It messes up the whole effect.

  5. Dear Anonymous Mom,
    I fixed number 2. Whew. Although I am glad to know what it takes to get you to comment. :)

  6. My tree must have the big, different colored, 70's glass bulb lights. And only ornaments that were made or given to me.

    Ahh...those lights make me happy...

  7. Cracking up at the smell of stale's so true.

    I don't think my tree would live up to your mom's standards!

  8. Dear Miss Heather -

    When I post a picture of my tree will you have your mom look at it and tell me if I passed muster?

    I think your tree is lovely!

  9. My rule is, all the nice ornaments that I'd cry over if they broke go on top. The cheap ass ugly ones go on the bottom. If they break, ahh well.

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  11. Let't try this again, this time without typos.

    I totally agree with all the rules maybe except for #6. We never have enough ornaments for one theme and usually we get pretty tall trees.
    We have one more rule that we stick to and it comes from when we were kids way, way ago, in a country far away (Poland) that one decorates the tree on Xmas Eve and never before. Now even over there not many people stick to that rule.
    Your tree is very, very pretty.

  12. Does she even have fun decorating with all those rules attached to it? She cracks me up!

    The only rule I've recently made for myself is not to use garland because my sister asked if I was 83. She's a wench, that one. ;)

  13. Love the tree! I would post a photo of mine but, well, it's undecorated now! We bought a new couch. While I was at work today the hubby took the ornaments off to move the tree when they delivered the couch so I have to flippin' redecorate it! Ahh!

  14. I dont celebrate Christmas but those trees always capture my attention. In the mall they have not only green, but purple, blue and white.
    But I still prefer the green one with all those cute ornaments

    you've decorated it well.

    Anyway, I found you blog from FFF and follow via GFC
    waiting for another update

  15. I have to say, I'm a big fan of the hangy things. My husband is in charge of setting up the tree and its lights, and if their are problems that is strictly his department. We, too, have a theme. It's called "stuff my kids have made". My very favorite ornament is "afro angel", who humiliates my 18 year old son with her very presence. Unfortunately, he's old enough to remove her from the tree, but fortunately, his healthy fear of consequences prevents him from doing so. And, yes, there would be consequences. lol

  16. Your tree is beautiful. But I am totally like your mom. I remember one year my boyfriend's son and his friend decorated the tree before we had gotten up that morning. They were so excited that they had tried to help, that I waited till they left to hyperventilate. LOL

  17. I think you and I have the same mom except I'm old enough to be your mom so that couldn't be.

    But still!


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