So many kids, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Heart Broken

Ok. I am not heart broken. I am heart sprained. Heart bruised?

Tanner asked me the other night a question I have been dreading for three years now.

He asked me, "Mom, isn't Tayte really my HALF brother?"
I replied, "No Tanner. Please don't say that again."

He pointed out to me that they had different fathers. I told him that I was aware of that, but that Tayte is his brother and that is all that needed to be said.

They see each other nearly every day. They eat the same dinner at the same table. They share the same grandparents. They share the same pasty white skin. (Neither one of them got that from me.) The follow the same rules. They see the same doctor. They go on walks together. They go on vacation together. Tayte attends Tanner's events. Tayte doesn't have any events....yet.

They couldn't laugh at each other more.
They couldn't love each other any more.

They couldn't want to pummel each other more.

They are brothers.

When I was pregnant with Tayte I was nervous about the term, "half brother." To meld them together I stuck with the T names. (You probably thought I planned that from the start, but no.)
I am grateful people haven't used this term to them. My older kids' dad is always very nice to Tayte. He tells the kids to say bye to their little brother when he comes to get them. I appreciate that.

I realize there is nothing negative about the term.
I am not trying to hide the fact I am divorced.
I am not trying to rewrite the kids' past.
I guess it was just a matter of time.

For some reason it just bruises my heart a little bit.

And........they are sisters.
I have linked up with Shell at Things I Can't Say. Check it out.


  1. My parents were divorced when I was two and then both remarried and had kids. I absolutely think of all of them as my brothers and sisters, and I'm sure that comes from how my parents treated us (the same) and referred to us (the same) are doing the right thing. Hang in there!

  2. You're right. They are brothers. There's no such thing as half a sibling...half-brained sometimes, but not half a sibling. :o) Hold tight to your convictions. You're children will be better for it. Happy Wednesday! :o) Larri at Seams Inspired

  3. I don't think your heart knows the difference between a half or whole sibling, Your kids won't either in the end!

  4. Oh, I bet he's just looking for details like kids do sometimes. My two 'step' brothers have been in my life since before I could remember them not being there. I almost never describe them as 'step' ... and our parents aren't even married anymore! I think sometimes kids just want information. They'll grow up together as brothers, plain and simple.

  5. It's like people asking me about Pie's "real" parents. Husband and I are her real parents. Yes, I know she has biological parents as well, but that doesn't make us less real. It's surprising sometimes how powerful simple words can be.

  6. They are definitely brothers!

    Maybe it was just curiosity and now that term is over and done with.

  7. I am also from a divorced family, although neither of my parents had other kids, my dad and my step mom adopted a child. He is 10 years younger than me, and my MOTHER told me once when I asked if being adopted made him my half brother or my adopted brother what is the right word?

    her words to me: Kelly Do you half love him?
    do you just like him?
    then he must just be your brother...bloodlines don't count when it comes to what you feel in your heart.

    :) it will change, right now it's just a term to understand the different fathers. Love is love..and they have lots of it!

  8. You are sooo right theres no half....... family is family.. You are such a good mom...xoxoxoox

  9. My parents divorced when I was three. When my dad remarried, my step-mom became my mom and my half-brother became my brother. It's how we were raised and I'd never think differently.

    While there are questions now, remember that there will be a time when it won't matter at all. You're doing a wonderful thing and one day, your children will be so thankful for it. I promise.

  10. I only have half siblings and as for my dad's kids... I've considered them half siblings as I never grew up with them.

    My mom's kids however are my brother and sister... there has never been a time that half was used. EVER.

  11. Aww, I'm sorry that it tugs at you! I'm sure it's a bit of curiosity and trying to figure out how things work is all. I have a younger "half" brother, and the term does not mean a thing to me, never has and never will. I'm sure it won't affect them in the least as they grow up!

  12. Visiting via Shells blog

    They are brothers. Curiosity is big in kids. I would feel the same way you are though. You want each child to feel equal.

  13. This is me sending you a big hug! (Because I have no words of wisdom...)

  14. Oh what a beautifu post:) I have to tell you your love for your kids just shine through. They are brothers. Nothing half about it:)

  15. I remember how hurt Josiah was when one of his cousins told him that Dirk and Erica weren't REALLY his siblings .... just HALF siblings. I was so angry! I think we get too caught up in trying to define our relationships instead of just letting them be! Your boys are brothers and that is enough!

  16. I have a stepdaughter, and I refer to her as my daughter. It makes me feel like she is less of the family when we say she's my stepdaughter or my girls half-sister. So I totally know what you are getting at.


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