Mr. Doodles - The Final Chapter

So.  I guess with a title like that you can tell the outcome of this story.

Saige was at her dad's last weekend and when I put the babies to bed I realized the guinea pig wasn't really very spry.  (Yes. Mr. Doodles is a girl.  What?  Miss Doodles is a stupid name.)  I sent downstairs and told Mike the critter wasn't doing well.  We really had no solution since I am both unwilling to handfeed the thing canned pumpkin and spend 300 bucks at an exotic pet vet.
When I went up the next morning she wasn't moving at all.  I called Saigie at her dad's and broke the news because I didn't want her to return home to a missing critter. 
There was much crying, gnashing of the teeth and garment tearing.  Then I did what had to be done and prepared to pick the cage up and move it outside, so Shaby would stop trying to feed it.  That was the extent of my plans because The Coach is in charge of dead things.  (I am in charge of throw up.) 
When I went to pick up the cage Mr. Doodle's head turned toward me and she shuddered.  So of course dropped the cage and went running and screaming, "Zombie Guinea Pig!!!" all through the house. Finally I called a friend who distracted me while I threw a blanket over the cage, put it in the back yard and then locked the door.
I called The Coach and told him it was his problem and when he got home he had to put the thing out of its misery and never tell me how it was done.  Also he could not scar the body because Saige wanted a burial.  Sigh.
By the time he got home the critter had the decency to die on its own.  We perserved the body and buried it Monday after school.  She was heartbroken.
Her brothers were so sweet to her.  At different times throughout the day I saw both of them walk by and pat her on the shoulder.  That is pretty nice for them. They usually walk by and pull her hair or take something from her.
I knew the inevitable was a request for a NEW pet.  It finally came last night when she ask if she could have a parrot!!
Saige - (still crying) Can I have a parrot?
Me - (shocked) Why in the HELL would you want a parrot?
Saige - So I could have someone to talk to.
Me - You have FOUR brothers and sisters. Talk to them.
Saige - (wailing)  None of them caaaaaarrrrreeeee.
Me. - I'll pay them to care!!

Can you just imagine what a parrot would say at my house?
"What's for supper? Squawk!"
"Squack.  He touched me!!!!!!!"

What would your parrot say?

(p.s.  Without my knowledge Saige made an old picture of Mr. Doodles the screensaver on our computer.  Now everytime I logged on I am eye to eye with his beady little stare.  Creepy guinea pig zombie!)